Leave hairy men alone!
OK, I’ve had it. People need to stop ragging on hairy guys. It’s mean. Also, it just doesn’t make sense.
I’ve noticed that a lot of people (and I mean real people, with souls and stuff, not tabloids and anyone who was trying to prevent Hillary Clinton from becoming president) are pretty careful not to say mean things about women’s appearances. It’s like, “They’ve suffered enough…” There’s this wall of political correctness that has risen around women in polite society. We didn’t even let them into Princeton until like thirty years ago. We should probably apologize. No, no, that’s too awkward. Not when I’m wearing my power suit. Let’s just be nicer to them at dinner parties.
But even at a dinner party, a woman could probably say something about body hair being gross, and it would be fine. People would laugh.
“Body hair.” Even the words sound gross together. It’s like “farting warts.” Or “advanced herpes.” Farting warts? I don’t even know.
Can someone explain to me why a man having hair on his body is supposed to be gross? And then, after that, can that person continue explaining and explain why it’s widely considered a safe assumption that all women agree on this point?
Once a friend of mine hooked up with a guy who said, “I’d go down on you, but you’re not shaved.”
And she was like, “Well, I’d go out with you, but you’re a terrible person.” And she left.
That seems like the right reaction to me. It shouldn’t be OK for someone else to tell you how your body should look.
And also, when did pubic hair become gross? That’s another topic.
My dad is hairy. I wrote about being hairy myself, here. I blame him. But I never thought he was weird-looking. He’s my dad! I thought all dads had a lot of hair on their chests. In fact, I thought that dads who didn’t have hair on their chests were probably not as dad-like. They also probably couldn’t do as good of a gorilla impression as my dad could (he was very proud of his and it was always really, really embarrassing when we went to the zoo).
I grew up and dated hairless boys (there wasn’t very much body hair to go around during the teenaged years), and thought they looked fine. My friends started complaining about body hair on guys. “It was on his back. Ew.”
I learned that there were rules for where hair could grow. A little at the center of the chest was acceptable. It should be carefully contained. It might spread, like a hideous virus. It might take over the world.
In movies, hairy guys had to get waxed for the first time ever. They were always wimpy, hairy guys, and they screamed and screamed and everyone thought it was hilarious. Sometimes it was pretty hilarious.
In Sex and the City, Charlotte’s Harry had to get waxed to go with her to a fancy Hamptons’ pool party. He wasn’t presentable until then.
Male models don’t have body hair. Body builders shave. Movies stars are mostly hairless, unless they’re comedic or older.
When one of my friends described a guy as “hairy,” what she meant was “not sexy. Not at all sexy.”
So it was very confusing for me when I met a very hairy guy and thought that his hairiness was one of the hottest things about him. And not because he looked like a good dad. That would be weird. Just because it…well, was hot. At first, because I’d been so thoroughly prepped by being alive in a hair-adverse world, I kept expecting myself to not like it quite as much as I found myself liking it. But I kept liking it anyway. I couldn’t help it.
“Wow,” I said, the first time I saw him shirtless, “You are incredibly hairy.”
“I could get it waxed,” he said.
“Are you kidding?” I said. “It’s amazing.”
I don’t call him Bear for nothing (also he’s really big and burly).
These days I feel a little defensive when people say mean, off-handed things about hairy guys (can you tell?). And I also don’t understand why they say them. I mean, obviously preferences exist, and I don’t have a problem with some, or even most women adoring sleek, hairless men, but they don’t have to insult my preferences while doing that!
During my experiment with the women’s mags, I read a really sad piece by a guy. It was about being hairy. “Please,” he begged in a voice that sounded tiny and quavering even on the glossy page, “Stop making fun of me. It really hurts my feelings. I can’t help it that I’m hairy. Please stop thinking you can say things about my body without me caring. Can someone just cut us hairy guys a break? It would really mean a lot. Really.”
Don’t worry, hairy man! It is I– Cake Woman! I am here to rescue you! Put your big, muscular arms around me as I fly you gently to safety.
But seriously. It has to stop. Hairy men are da bomb.
I can’t believe I just said that. But I’m going to stand by it.
Sometimes I even catch myself thinking, “Bet your man’s not as hairy as mine…” and smiling to myself. Bear wins every time. And there is nothing at all wrong with that. With winning the constant cosmic body hair contest. Hell yeah.
* * *
Un-roast: Today I love the way my legs look when I cross them. it’s just cute and perky looking for some reason.
P.S. Am I totally keeping my promise about the photos? Yes I am. I’m pretty proud of myself for that, too.
Post about being sensitive over at Un-schooled.
My interview with Dan Abrams, famous guy and author of the new book Man Down, is up on Aol’s front page for like ten more minutes. I tried to sound like a magazine writer in it, so it’s embarrassing. But it was pretty fun!
Kate on March 3rd 2011 in Uncategorized
Kate responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 12:11 pm #
OK, great. Now I have to work up the courage to write on the internet about pubic hair…
🙂
I’ll try.
Lucy responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 12:14 pm #
I am so thankful for my attraction to hairy men (and my fondness for the hair itself). It was the first tangible proof I had that my extra-large butt and thighs might actually be sexy in and of itself, and might be part of what made me sexy.
So rock on, hairy men. Rahwr.
Jess responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 12:35 pm #
@Kate
Doooo it! I’d love to help, but I’m not a fancy blogger like you. I mean, look at all them pictures! Just scads of them!
Kate responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 12:38 pm #
@Jess
LOL!!!
But your help is definitely welcomed!
oreowriter responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 1:29 pm #
I definitely like some hair on guys! Makes them feel/look like men to me and not little boys. Also, when guys shave their chests, they get all stubbly and spikey. I’d rather have the soft hair than little points digging into my chin.
Kat responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 2:03 pm #
This comment might be slightly un-coordinated (it’s been a long week and all), BUT: The sight of a hairy man makes me weak in the knees. I think it’s very attractive.
Apart from that I generally think, everybody should do with the body(hair) what pleases their sense of aesthetics and what feels good to them, and that should be the end to it. No?
Ellie Di responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 3:18 pm #
When my now-husband and I saw each other naked for the first time, I was dumbfounded to discover that he shaved his armpits. Here was a big, burly guy who had hair everywhere but there. When I asked about it, he informed me that his last girlfriend hated his pit hair and “made” him shave it. It had never occurred to me that someone would do this. Weird. (I told him that he very definitely didn’t have to shave it for me, and he hasn’t done it since. Whew.)
Gracey at Fashion For Giants responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 6:17 pm #
I love, love, love this post. I am hairy and I like my men hairy. I mean, do I want them to look as if they’re wearing a hair-shirt? Probably not. There are limits to my love of hair. But a hairy chest? Or goodness, yes. It’s my favorite. And it IS sexy to me.
And yeah, maybe I am more accepting of hair on others because I am hairy and want them to accept it on me. Because I’m not going to wax my hoo-ha for anyone. Not going to happen. I shave my legs (in the summer) and my armpits (fairly regularly) and that’s all anyone is going to get.
Again, wonderful post. I love how you write and I love reading what you write.
Gracey
Natasha responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 10:57 pm #
Thanks for the great post. I found you through Yes and Yes.
I have one friend in particular that complains about hairy men. She thinks it’s super gross, but I like it.
Lynn responded on 05 Mar 2011 at 4:45 pm #
YES!!!! My man is hairy and I LOVE IT!!!
Suzanne responded on 05 Mar 2011 at 9:16 pm #
“it is i cake woman” bahahahahahahahaa…that was my laugh out loud moment of the night! you really are the best baby! (oh..was it offensive for me to say “baby?” cause if it was…i apologize..just was going with the whole loved your post vibe) 🙂
Kate responded on 05 Mar 2011 at 9:45 pm #
@Suzanne
So very, very not offended 🙂
Michelle responded on 06 Mar 2011 at 7:07 am #
I completely agree! Why does the media make hair so horrifying? It’s natural and kind of sexy in a manly way.
Jackie responded on 07 Mar 2011 at 12:29 am #
My husband is, genetically, very non-harry. It makes me sad that my kids (girl and boy) think that this is normal and that hairiness on a man is sort of gross. They are 14 and 12, and I think that their views may change, and have informed my daughter that, seeing as my son is likely to take after my (hairy!) side of the family, she cannot tease or bother him about it if he does become a harry guy. The whole move toward women removing their body hair is getting so extreme – it’s tied, I think, to such easy access to porn. I wonder why we are made to grow more hair at puberty, but it is the human thing to do so let us just accept it…..
adria responded on 07 Mar 2011 at 9:27 pm #
i love my hairy fiance! it’s cozy, and warm, and comforting and totally normal…i’ve never had any issue with it.
his only concern is that the hair on his head, as he puts it, “isn’t going out of business, it’s just moving to a new location” and he would prefer to keep it in it’s current location for a bit longer 🙂
the only time i mind his hairy chest or back is when it tickles my nose…but that, i can get over!
AlisonM responded on 08 Mar 2011 at 6:15 am #
I am late to this party, but I just wanted to say yes yes YES! I hate it that women (rightfully) complain about being unfairly judged on physical appearance, and then bitch and moan about a bit of body hair on a man! I also feel sorry for the hairy dudes (and quite like it too). So I’m really glad you wrote this 🙂
Johann responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 1:29 am #
What a great post and so very, very true. I’ve been made fun of many times for being a hairy guy (and hairy I am!) and as much as it stings, I have never nor will I ever shave or wax. Besides, my husband would divorce me if I did! He told me so in no uncertain terms 🙂
Also, I choked up reading the pastrami burger post! I love the way you write. You have such an honesty and openess about you that I just adore! Then again, I’m a sucker for a romantic story! 🙂
Laylah responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 12:46 pm #
I remember the first time I’d encountered a guy who’d shaved for aesthetics… he was already pretty hairy (as in, he had a permanent fur coat), and it never occurred to me that it was unattractive in any way. We’d actually been hookup buddies for a while, and after getting together after not seeing each other for a couple of months, he told me he’d shaved “down there” as a surprise to me. I was kind of interested and curious to see how it would look, and I remember feeling sort of weirded out… like there was a naked baby bird or something instead of the rugged manly-manliness I’d grown accustomed to. It just didn’t feel normal.
I’ve been with guys in varying shades of hairiness, and every time I’ve felt that the ones who left their bodies to nature’s design looked the best, from the smooth and sleek and baby-faced to the hairy man-beast to the in between guy with a beard and mustache that I have now.
And yes, facial hair is HAWT. Let it grow, boys!
Helena responded on 10 Mar 2011 at 5:54 pm #
I have a small beef. I’ve noticed lately how common it has become to point herpes out as being the grossest, least forgivable, dirty, nasty thing around. I mean, male body hair can’t be gross–at least not by comparison to “advanced herpes”…
Hey, I’ve got big love for the hair dudes, but ow about spreading that to the herpes-havers too?
Acceptance: the gift that keeps of giving.
Fyn responded on 15 Mar 2011 at 3:33 pm #
I’ll admit, I’m hair-phobic. But only on myself. My boyfriend has chest hair and a happy trail and that little patch on his lower back and I LOVE it. I’ll run my fingers through his chest hair all the time. To me, it screams sexy and that he’s a man.
My ex used to shave his arms (he had tattoos) chest, other unmentionables (and I’m pretty sure his legs), and it was so unsexy to me. Yuck.
Seriously, all these metro-sexual guys who wax and shave and pluck their eyebrows seem…off to me. Like my radar skips over them. Any guy who has to spend more time and money on hair removal methods is either OCD like me, or just vain and that’s so not sexy.
Bethany responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 1:07 pm #
Are you kidding? I’ll support a moratorium on bashing hairy chests when it’s socially acceptable for me to stop shaving my legs. Until then, I think it’s even.
Cass responded on 24 Mar 2011 at 10:01 am #
Great post.
I have a friend that makes her boyfriend shave all of his hair off, I honestly find it really odd. When I was young I wanted non-hairy guys but now that I’m past puberty I actually like a man with some hair. They just seem more “manly” or something…
kevin responded on 31 Mar 2011 at 5:38 pm #
As a hairy dude, I appreciate the crap out of this post. I think I came out of the womb with hair on my chest. You have no idea how many times I declined going to the beach because of it. I shaved twice, and it was a horrible experience each time. So now, you better love a hairy dude or just keep on walking.
Eat the Damn Cake » Let us eat cake! responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 12:18 pm #
[…] sugar because a long time ago, when humans were much hairier than we are now (except for Bear, he’s about that hairy, I think), and we were all wandering around outside, trying to stay alive long enough to reproduce, […]
Eat the Damn Cake » educated women marrying down responded on 13 Feb 2012 at 2:38 pm #
[…] his was also knocked out when he was a kid. Bear, like my dad, is a type 1 diabetic. They are both extremely hairy. One day, they will both be bald. You don’t have to try too hard to imagine that I chose Bear […]