Eat the Damn Cake

A few weeks ago, my mom went shopping for a Christmas gift for a very young cousin of mine. This cousin is very fond of dolls, so my mom set out on what should have been a completely unremarkable, straightforward mission.

It started out that way. She had only to drive to the nearest Toys “R” Us and follow the hot pink glow to its source.

But when she arrived at the doll aisle, she was disturbed by what she found.

“Do you know what dolls look like?” she asked me, the next day.

“Um,” I said. “Is this a trick question?”

“Do you remember what they look like?” We hadn’t spent time in the doll section since I was ten or so.

“OK,” I said, playing along, “There are two basic types: baby and Barbie.”

“And their hair?”

“Blond.”

“Yes! It’s ALL blond!”

(source)

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This is a guest post. Liz is the first friend I made through blogging, back when Cake and Plus-Size Models Unite were both brand new tiny baby blogs. I wrote something about what she had written, and she wrote back to tell me very nicely that I was really wrong. I liked her immediately.

Liz Nord earned a Communications degree from Central Washington University, and completed graduate editing courses at the University of Washington. She is the writer and editor for Plus-Sized Models Unite, which has over 130,000 readers. Liz has published articles in a number of magazines, newspapers, and on numerous websites, most recently www.BellaMUMMA.com, www.bodymindsol.com, and www.solwalkling.com. She has been a guest on the Leeza Gibbons talk show, Hollywood Confidential, and serves on the Editing Certificate Advisory Board at the University of Washington. She is currently developing a parenting website for women who want to get the real scoop on parenting.

(She eats cupcakes)

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I usually assume I’m the one who is failing a little. Like at wearing those particular gigantic earrings with that particular purple spotted dress. And at conversation. I’m probably the one who isn’t quite quick enough, or is a little too eager; just the slightest bit miscalibrated. In Manhattan, I’m the one who is always missing the trend by a hair (or every single hair). Oh, we’re wearing jumpsuits now. Wait– we aren’t anymore? But I got this purple spotted one for 80% off! It’s true, I always get the cheap version. I’m not willing to commit completely. I don’t have faith in fashion the way so many people seem to.

I read about faces. About the ones that men prefer most. The ones that babies prefer most. The ones that both men and babies rate the highest, while having a beer. There’s all this information about averages. People gravitate towards the generic. Those even, flat features composited from a hundred thousand other sets of features on a computer in a lab where sex scientists stare at screens with faces on them all day (feeling worse and worse about the way they look), those are the ones people on the street choose, when they’re handed the leaflets and asked to identify beauty.

I have a face that refuses to be average. It refuses to be dull. It runs yelling in the opposite direction. It’s yelling, “I’m free! I’m free!” It’s delusional. It doesn’t fit in.

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I went on a date the other day. I changed my outfit a few times before I settled on something that was cute, creative, seasonally appropriate but still sleek, and stylish without being generically fashionable. It had to look thrown together without being sloppy, involve a cool necklace, feature boots, hide all of my flaws and emphasize all of my most attractive characteristics. It had to make people think, “That girl is awesome,” without even realizing why they were thinking that.

Getting ready for my first date with Bear took about ten minutes. But that’s because he’s a guy.

As expected, she is wearing a perfect outfit. With a silvery white cotton scarf, a chunky, worn leather belt,  and riding boots. She is prettier than the photos of her online. Thick, lustrous dark hair with a quirky little elfin braid on one side, a sudden, big smile.  She is clearly confident.

(nice. source)

I trip over my words, trying to say hi and then something funny in quick succession.

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If you’re on the fence about starting a blog, here’s some important information for you. Not only does blogging force you to organize your thoughts into something sort of coherent once in a while, but it provides you with access to some of the most diverting, creative spam the internet has to offer. I have saved fourteen of my favorite examples, and I’m sharing them with you today. These come from Un-schooled, which suffers, I think, from being linked to a much larger blog (The Innovative Educator), and, in its infant state, is barely able to defend itself. That was a lot of commas. If you are celebrating Christmas tomorrow, consider this my gift to you. Enjoy!

1. Considerably, the post is really the best on this valuable topic. I agree with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your forthcoming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be adequate, for the fantasti c clarity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates. De lightful work and much success in your business dealings!

2. I dont think some of these people are actually even reading this blog, it just seems like a bunch of random auto responses from bots, you should really moderate this better.

3. How am I able to order more of this product?

4. Hmmm this post is not really good. Can you comment me any related articles?

5. i agree, why jesus lets this go on is concerning Continue Reading »

I am reading Gail Collins’ book “When Everything Changed,” and it is freaking me out. Starting with the 1960’s, she tracks the experiences, legal situation, and struggle for equal rights of American women. I’m at the part about the 80’s, but I had to pause and write this.

It isn’t that I didn’t know about the stuff she’s describing. I had whole classes about this stuff in college. But it’s easy to forget.

It’s easy to forget and it’s difficult to imagine that so recently, women had to apply for separate jobs from men, where there was no question that they would be paid less than half as much, and where they would have to sue to be promoted. It’s easy to forget and difficult to imagine that so recently, women weren’t admitted to most colleges, and the women’s colleges they did go to promised that they would acquire an excellent education in being good wives, and gain access to appropriate young men to marry. And of course, the unchecked physical abuses that women suffered without legal intervention are a part of the story. And the specific experience of black women, who definitely didn’t have access to the suburban life that was quietly driving housewives of Betty Friedan’s generation insane.  I’m connected to it all. I mean, my mother was around then. She was a kid in the 60s, but she was there.

And now people are fond of imagining that everything is taken care of. That we don’t have too many issues with sexism anymore. Yeah, there aren’t many women in the most powerful jobs and roles this country has to offer, but they’ll be there soon. It’s really just a matter of time. Continue Reading »