Getting laid off
The AOL/HuffPo merger has been in the news a lot. Especially if you read Mediabistro and other news about the news. All sorts of big, important editors are being brought on to manage huge, new swaths of territory. Reporting is forever being reshaped! Revolutionary tactics are being developed!
And I am being laid off.
I feel a little left out.
It wasn’t personal. All of the MyDaily.com (the AOL site I wrote for) freelancers have been laid off. It’s possible that all of the AOL freelancers have been laid off. I can’t tell. We’re not in the news about the news.
It was totally impersonal, in fact. Which felt bad. We got a mass email from someone we’d never heard of, who began, “Hey All!” She went on to cheerfully inform the group that our contracts were now formally dissolved.
For a few brief, sweet months, I wrote for AOL. I wrote feature pieces and interviewed authors and public figures and once ran across the Brooklyn Bridge to take pictures and report on an International Women’s Day event. The best part of it was that when I asked people if I could take their picture for AOL, they flew into eager poses and grinned for the camera. I felt kind of important. The other day, I had tea at the Century Club with Kay Hymowitz, who I interviewed for AOL. (I wore jeans– I didn’t realize that those clubs are so fancy! The butler-guy at the door gave me a disapproving look).
Honestly, I had never read AOL articles before writing them. And when some of my personal essays made it to the front page, I was terrified to read the comments, which sometimes mysteriously rerouted to my inbox, where I bumped into them and was stunned by the antisemitism and general meanness. Someone said something about how I had the potential to be pretty, if my nose was a lot smaller. Which is almost verbatim what that girl in the Catholic school uniform said to me when I was fourteen. Those words were the germ of my eventual nose job.
But despite all that, I was writing for a major outlet, and when I told people I did that, they clearly thought I was legit.
And then AOL merged with the Huffington Post, and I listened in on a conference call in which important editors I didn’t know reassured us that we were perfectly safe and completely valuable. That maybe things would be shifted around a little, but that the company needed us.
About a week later, my editor resigned, and she warned us that we were all on the way out. AOL wasn’t so thoughtful. Weeks went by, in dead silence. Without that warning, I would have had no idea what was happening. I sent in my resume for a full-time position, and then sent it to someone else. I did not hear back.
(there’s always hope)
“We want to emphasize full-time positions” said someone in a news about news piece about AOL/HuffPo.
I wondered about the small group of full-timers, now inundated with work left over from the vanished freelancers.
Bear, who tends to know everything about the secret lives of big companies, told me months ago that AOL’s CEO had said that he wanted to cut freelancers’ pay, in order to make more money. Eventually, it seems he decided to cut freelancers altogether.
OK, I’m bitter. I know this is about money. I know this is about AOL/HuffPo making more money, in the end. It’s not about supporting the full-time staff. I haven’t heard anything about them being paid more for doing more. I know from my friends in the magazine world that that almost never happens.
I’m bitter because I loved that job.
And it hurts not to be loved back.
AOL! I’m yelling, in my head. I brought you traffic! You liked my work! I thought that we had something going! I thought it was something real…
And then I fall back into bed, with a bottle of wine, my eyes bloodshot, my hair crazy, and write another tragic poem about what my own death will look like. About how everyone will miss me then.
I’m kidding. But it does feel pretty bad.
(a painting that expresses the emotion. I must’ve been channeling my future self in this moment when I painted it…Wow, that got really convoluted really fast.)
* * *
Un-roast: Today I love how I look in really baggy pants. Especially with a tight shirt.
Kate on May 3rd 2011 in Uncategorized
Valerie responded on 03 May 2011 at 11:43 am #
Drink some more, lament for awhile, give them the finger, and then write that book you’ve always wanted to write.
Erin Block responded on 03 May 2011 at 11:56 am #
Drink more wine…give them the finger…
I like Valerie’s advice!
Kate responded on 03 May 2011 at 11:57 am #
I like it too!
Sarah responded on 03 May 2011 at 12:05 pm #
You are obviously destined for something greater than AOL. I believe that is how I found your blog, something I read every day. I rarely read the AOL news pages. I think there is a message there.
Take some time to clear your head and see what makes sense to do next. You never know where a fork in the road will take you.
un-roast– I love how I look in turquoise.
Sarah
Danielle responded on 03 May 2011 at 12:07 pm #
Keep your head up! You still have many followers that love your work. Time for bigger and better things. Drink up and get back out there! …not at the same time of course.(:
Andee responded on 03 May 2011 at 12:42 pm #
I’ve just recently started reading your blog (I found you on mydaily and now your blog is in my favorites). I relate to so much of what you say here, I was homeschooled too. I was an English Lit major in college and have never persued my dreams of writing – so you inspire me. You are out there and you are doing it! And it might be hard right now but it is only because something more beautiful and purposeful is hiding around the corner!
Ilana responded on 03 May 2011 at 12:51 pm #
I’m sorry you got laid off, I know it’s a horrible rejected feeling. But screw AOL! They’re the ones at a loss for letting go of great writers like you. Please don’t ever let them or anybody else discourage you. Best wishes xo
Joy responded on 03 May 2011 at 1:19 pm #
Good luck! I recently stumbled across your blog from a guest blog entry, and I really love your writing. I have high hopes that something, somewhere will work out for you – because you really are a wonderful writer! Poignant, funny, approachable but introspective. “Deep” without being overboard and leaving me scratching my head…
Anyway, chin up, and keep at it!
Kate responded on 03 May 2011 at 2:04 pm #
aww, you guys are making me feel better!
Deanna responded on 03 May 2011 at 2:11 pm #
This could be the start of something big. Usually it takes a few days of feeling sad, drinking a lot of good wine, taking long walks and feeling sorry for yourself in just the right way before you realize that you are destined for better things. You are young…good things will happen.
Laurel responded on 03 May 2011 at 2:36 pm #
I found you though a series of clicks from http://www.alreadypretty.com , I’ve never even read you on AOL (except for the article you mentioned here about your nose job). Sorry about the layoff, that blows.
I love the way I look in really baggy pants with a tight shirt too.
Ruth responded on 03 May 2011 at 3:05 pm #
I love that painting. It shows that you are too good for AOL. Phooey on them!
melrose responded on 03 May 2011 at 3:22 pm #
Big business is the devil. It’s all about profits and bottom lines which is disgusting… and they wonder why America is having a hard time getting out of their recession. The rich get richer while the middle class get laid off. It’s complete bullshit.
I feel your pain darlin, but you’re a very talented writer, and I’m sure you’ll find work in no time. Good luck on the hunt, and don’t let the man get you down!
Valerie responded on 03 May 2011 at 4:09 pm #
I completely agree with Melrose…big business is the devil. Grab that margarita (Cinco de Mayo is around the corner) and celebrate your own freedom to start over. Write that great American novel and write for your fans here. It will turn around it always does.
AlisonM responded on 03 May 2011 at 4:29 pm #
Oh shit…
Wine. Bad poetry. That’s a good start. I’d add in pastries (or cakes) and a trashy tv series too. You’ll bounce back, as they say. But give yourself the time you need to wallow in this a little. I’m a great believer in that. And then in getting back up and kicking some proverbial ass.
Good luck!
Sarah responded on 03 May 2011 at 7:10 pm #
The state of journalism is so sad. I wonder how all these major news outlets think they can actually get back the credibility they have lost when they just keep cutting staff. The part that makes me the angriest is the science writers. Almost everywhere has cut the science writers, and then they expect their staff who are not trained in that area to write about science. And we wonder why most reporting on scientific findings is garbage.
You are an incredibly good writer, and I know this is just a blip for you. I can completely understand why you are angry, but I am confident you will find something even better.
Miniskirt Murder responded on 03 May 2011 at 8:04 pm #
Ah these sites kill me. They think they can re-post stuff that other people write, that other people pay for, forever. Um.. someone has to get paid to write it, so that people will actually want to read it. Eff them. They have to squeeze out some gains in the next few quarters, and then they’ll be back to square one. Take your talents elsewhere! 🙂
Rosa responded on 03 May 2011 at 11:24 pm #
So sorry to hear about your misfortune! I love your writing, and if I could offer you something, I would–but I’m just a grad student in music. This made me think about how I found you in the first place. Definitely not through AOL, probably not through anything that AOL could/would post. I think it was through a guest post on virginity (loss)? For me your assets away from such corporate evil are far better than anything they could ever steal your credit for. Wishing you all the best and hoping something works out. I’m sure the stars in the heavens have bigger and better things planned for you!
Reckless responded on 05 May 2011 at 9:45 am #
Well, that’s never fun… The tip off was when the managers made sure to tell you that you were all valuable. It generally means, “We seriously need you to finish up these current assignments, so we can fire you.” You’ll be fine eventually, and when they come crawling back a year later you can either ask for 1) loads more $$$ or 2) tell them to suck it. I employed option 2 and politely told them I had moved on to other creative endeavors. You are a fantastic writer; it won’t be long before you are snatched up.
Mandy responded on 05 May 2011 at 12:53 pm #
I agree with Sarah–if you are working for AOL, you can’t be working somewhere better.
And, would you want to be still working for a place that fires good people in the name of the almighty dollar, then dumps the extra work on their remaining employees who already have their hands full to overflowing?
You are a very talented writer, sweetie. There is not a single doubt in my mind that you will find something better.
And, my promise to buy your eventual book still holds–I’m very much looking forward to reading it!
Five for Friday responded on 06 May 2011 at 7:01 am #
[…] Getting Laid Off (via Eat the Damn […]
dana responded on 08 May 2011 at 12:50 pm #
I am sorry about the layoff. I am a designer who has worked in media my entire (7 year) career, so I live in constant fear.
It’s funny, a girl named Taylor in 5th grade gym asked why my mom and I have big noses, and I have NEVER forgotten that. I haven’t had a nose job but I think if I had disposable income I’d consider it. As wrong as that sounds. Or maybe I’d buy a couch and go on a trip to Europe with my husband. Who knows.