Going all the way
I didn’t tell the whole story yesterday. About meeting the work people. There’s more. The story doesn’t end with the painting, as happy as I am about the painting. It ends with me in the bathroom, cutting off the rest of my hair.
People keep telling me I’m so bold, for cutting off as much as I did, last time. For having short hair in the first place. But what I’d really wanted was something much shorter. Except the first time, I couldn’t go all the way. I was brave, but not quite that brave yet.
Now I am braver. Or more reckless.
I think it had something to do with the work dinner. With the other women and their long, glossy hair that fell in perfect waves. The kind of waves that a salon does for you, but that only work with a certain kind of hair. I liked the other women, just as I almost always like the women I meet through Bear’s work, and basically anywhere in this city, but the more of them I meet, the more obvious it becomes to me that I am not like them. Which is fine. Actually, it is so fine, that I decided to go all the way different. To be all the way myself.
Sitting there, in my borrowed silky dress and strapless bra and glittering earrings, I suddenly felt very comfortable being nothing like the other women in the restaurant. It suddenly occurred to me that I was not going to impede Bear’s career by being the weird one. So I went home and picked up my scissors. It’s thrilling every time.
Here are the reasons why I shouldn’t have cut all my hair off:
1. I don’t have the “right” face for it. The right face has sexy cheekbones and a smaller nose and a wide mouth, probably. Mine is the kind of face that women’s magazines advise to “soften” with long hair.
2. No one has hair this short, unless they’re a man. Even men mostly have longer hair than me, now. Even in Manhattan, where women are daring and at the cutting edge of fashion and wear ridiculously creative outfits, they almost all have long hair. Long hair also seems to be in.
3. People will think things about me. Like that I might be gay. Or that I am strange. Or that I am trying to prove something. I might not look very professional, when I go to meetings with important people occasionally.
4. I can’t fit in with the women who marry the guys Bear works with and knows. Not even close.
5. It takes a long time to grow back.
6. I don’t have the body for it. People who cut off all their hair should be slender and long-necked and thin-armed. I am not.
Here is why I cut it all off anyway:
Because I wanted to.
Bear came home from the gym, and I was standing in the bathroom in a white tee-shirt and shorts, with barely any hair left. The scissor was on the side of the sink.
He said, “Your hair looks different.” He studied me briefly. He said, “You’re gorgeous.”
Here are the reasons why I love having barely any hair:
1. It makes me put my shoulders back
2. It makes me feel cool (literally, too)
3. It makes me bolder. I look bold, so I begin to act more confident.
4. I think I look like someone awesome.
5. It’s fun to wear really feminine clothes with incredibly short hair.
On my way to meet Bear for lunch yesterday, a man on the street said to me, “You are really beautiful.” His tone was sincere. I said, “Thank you.”
People turned to look at Bear and I– the guy in tucked-in work clothes, the woman in the coral dress and heels, with the giant earrings and barely any hair.
“Who said you could be so sexy?” Bear teased.
“Me,” I said. “I did.” Which really is exactly how it went.
* * *
Unroast: Today I love my hair. It’s really my absolute favorite thing about myself right now.
P.S. It looks longer in the pictures than in real life. I don’t know why. It also looks lighter. In real life there’s a baldish patch in the back, where I clearly couldn’t see what I was doing 🙂
P.P.S I’m totally fine with people thinking I’m gay.
Kate on June 24th 2011 in Uncategorized
Eat the Damn Cake » this one is your real body responded on 20 Jan 2012 at 8:00 pm #
[…] My body never regressed gracefully into its precollege state. My weight went up and down, and my shape shifted, so that I tucked fat into new, creative spots. My face changed. My hair changed. And eventually I cut my hair off completely. […]
Rose responded on 04 Feb 2012 at 6:34 pm #
You look fabulous with short hair! Right now I am considering cutting off ALL my hair. It’s a scary thought! I have had really long hair most of my life, and last spring I got a short haircut. Like, maybe an inch long. It is grown out to my chin now, but I loved it short. Your post made me seriously consider shaving my head! It would be really bold and it would make my eyes stand out! And it would be so easy to take care of! But I don’t know if I want to do it, because it would take a long time to grow out, and I am worried people will judge me because of it before they know me. There are other reasons too. But I am ecxited by the idea! Maybe I will do it at the beginning of the summer when it is warmer out!
I really enjoy reading your blogs. Thank you for writing!
p.s. I am an unschooler 🙂
Shannoetry responded on 08 Mar 2012 at 5:47 pm #
First, I only found your blog a few days ago – thank you Huffington Post – and have been loving catching up on it! And though I recognize this is an older post, I felt like I had to comment.
Second – Becca’s comment above really struck me, as did you scaling back your hair to such an extreme, which is why I felt like I had to comment…
Short hair IS brave, even though it shouldn’t be. I have a teeny-tiny obsession with hair. When I was in junior high school – growing my hair out after elementary years with it cropped very short to support my swimming – my dad told me a story about a girl he went to high school with whose hair was so long, she could sit on it. When she put on a coat or sweater, she’d have to flip her hair out over the clothes and then, she’d pull out a little pocket comb and comb the ends down. That moment, hearing that story, has stuck with me forever, and since then I’ve been obsessed with growing my hair out long. Today, my hair is nearly 4 feet long (just had a trim) and just passes my hips. I’m not sitting on it yet, and I start to wonder if I ever will.
My long hair has become like a security blanket. Sometimes I toy with the idea of cutting it short/shorter, but always recoil. It’s like a palpable fear when I give it real consideration. Firstly, I don’t actually think I’d look good with short hair, but that could be because it’s been long for more than 20 years now, so my view could be distorted.
So much of feminine beauty – and indeed, femininity – is tied up in hair. Long hair is “a mark of woman’s beauty”, and as a society we rely on hair length, in particular, to give us visual cues – however incorrect they may be – about an individual’s sex, gender, sexuality and personality. It’s a little bit exhausting.
As I approach my 30th birthday this year and, among other mini-crises I have on occasion about hitting that particular milestone, I’ve started to wonder if I need to cut my hair off. Am I getting “too old” for excessively long hair? Or can I be content to love the hair I love, regardless of what society says/thinks? Like you! A coworker of mine, who’s fearless when it comes to her hair, recently went from mid-shoulder red hair to a pixie-cropped blonde, and it’s amazing! For those reasons, I have a huge respect – and a bit of jealousy – over how frankly and determinedly you cut yours off! Bravo!
Finally, I agree with the consensus here that you look fabulous at every hair length, but this particular style is stunning! That said, the positive reactions you’ve received – from your awesome husband and strangers alike – might have less to do with your hair than 1) you, and 2) you embracing what you want and how you look which makes you rock it, regardless. So rock on, lady.
Eat the Damn Cake » buzzcut beauty responded on 18 Mar 2012 at 7:50 pm #
[…] Also, I feel more comfortable in my own skin, like my hair is no longer a part of my “look”. It’s been taken out of the picture completely. I can wear whatever I want, do whatever I want. Like Kate said back when she cut all her hair off – “It makes me bolder. I look bold, so I begin to act more confident”. […]
What I Know About Beauty Now That I’m in My 20s | Blog for Beauty responded on 28 Mar 2012 at 3:36 pm #
[…] since we have a large nose and my neck is not prolonged adequate and we am not tiny and waiflike. I got a hum cut anyway. It looked fantastic. It felt fantastic. we felt free. Everyone desired it. The manners are […]
Kate Fridkis: What I Know About Beauty Now That I'm in My 20s | USA Press responded on 29 Mar 2012 at 7:26 am #
[…] to, because I have a big nose and my neck is not long enough and I am not tiny and waiflike. I got a buzz cut anyway. It looked fantastic. It felt fantastic. I felt free. Everyone loved it. The rules are […]
Lois responded on 29 Mar 2012 at 2:42 pm #
I have VERY short hair and have had since the 80s when it was fashionable to have short punk spikey hair. I LOVE when women take the plunge and cut their hair short. More women look better with short hair than with long. YAY for YOU!!