letter to a sworn enemy
Dear Three-Sided Dressing Room Mirror,
I couldn’t let it go. I know I said I would. But I can’t. We need to talk.
OK, you’re supposed to be helping me, here. Right? Isn’t that what you do? Isn’t that your job? Maybe you don’t like your job, but in today’s economy, you should probably be a little more grateful. And a lot nicer.
I’m not trying to accuse you of outright lying, but I think that you might be bending the truth a little. I have looked at myself plenty of times. I have some mirrors in my apartment. And I don’t look like that. Not completely. I’m really not that bad. At least, I’m not all of those bad things at once!
Before I met you, I never thought that I in any way resembled a duck. Now I’m not sure. And that makes me nervous.
Actually, I just get the sense that I don’t really know what I look like at all. Maybe you weren’t trying to make me feel that way, but that’s how it ended up.
You have a lot of authority– you should be aware of that. You have three sides! Most mirrors only have one. Please don’t misuse your power. I know it’s probably tempting sometimes. Or maybe you’re just bored. But when you tell me something, I’m more likely to believe it than when a regular mirror does. So be gentle!
You weren’t gentle the other day. You really hurt my feelings. You might not know this– but I’ve worked pretty hard to accept the way I look. And being with you for even a few minutes feels like losing months and months of that work. You’re like a giant paper shredder, and I’m a writer. I don’t like paper shredders. I’m trying to like you. I want to get along. I want to admire the view of my back. So why do you have to make my neck look so stubby? Are my arms really that thick? Don’t answer that.
Also, it’s only a matter of time before someone tells your boss: you’re making me a lot less likely to buy anything. I’m not going there yet. I’m going to you, out of respect. Because I think you and I might be able to work this out.
Can we try to work this out?
I’d really appreciate it.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Kate
(source)
* * *
Unroast: Today I love the way my foot looks when I stretch and point it. Maybe there’s a tiny part of me that still wants to be a ballerina. Like when I was six.
P.S. I have a piece in the new Weddings section of HuffPo. Check it out here, if you’d like. It’s about how bad my posture was on my wedding day.
Kate on October 5th 2011 in Uncategorized
Samantha Angela @ Bikini Birthday responded on 05 Oct 2011 at 1:36 pm #
When I am faced with the three-sided dressing room mirror I don’t bother over analyzing my appearance. I just start doing squats. Seriously!
There’s no better way to check that you have proper squat form than by using a 3-way mirror. Plus, when you do squats your butt looks pretty awesome.
Try it next time.
You can call me Jane responded on 05 Oct 2011 at 1:40 pm #
I think there should be some kind of law or governing body (no pun intended) that regulates the types of mirrors stores should be allowed to hang in their dressing rooms. I mostly shop at thrift shops and discount stores and the type of mirrors they have span the ocean. Some are so hazy it feels like I’m adjusting to a new prescription and I can hardly tell what I look like. Some CLEARLY make me look thinner and while I love this at the time, it doesn’t help me once I’m home. Some make me look stubby and not want to buy anything. Do stores realize that they are committing false advertising or are actually hurting their sales by way of faulty mirrors? I would love it if every store had true mirrors. Even though I might not always like what I see, at least I’d know what everyone else sees when they see me wearing their clothes. End of rant:-).
Krystina responded on 05 Oct 2011 at 2:15 pm #
LOL Love this post! There are a couple of stores that I shop in that have dressing rooms with mirrors that, I swear, make you look thinner. Not kidding. I always wonder if this is so you will purchase whatever it is you’re trying on. I also wonder how I really look in it….It’s not just me. My sister and I have had this discussion.
Sonja responded on 05 Oct 2011 at 5:31 pm #
What about his accomplice, the Dressing Room Lighting Of Doom?! Ugh.
Kate responded on 05 Oct 2011 at 5:40 pm #
Good point! Always a devious character…
Avery responded on 05 Oct 2011 at 10:30 pm #
I understand, Kate. They are evil. They are unfriendly and unavoidable. Like math, and the lingering smell of hobo on the subway.
Are you going to post about occupy wall street? I know that isn’t this blog’s thing, but since you like in NY…
San D responded on 06 Oct 2011 at 8:41 am #
My try on mirror strategy is this: I always wear what I think I look the best in when I shop. So when I go into the dressing room with those mirrors (the good bad and ugly ones), I verify that “damn I look pretty good for an old lady”. (translated: in my head I say, “Ok this looks alright”). Then whatever I try on has to match up with the feeling I get with what I have on already. Saves me money sometimes, costs me money other times.
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