letter to my friends' new baby
Dear Marius,
First of all, welcome. Hey. You don’t know me yet, but I’m a friend of your mom and dad.
I am a little in shock, about you being here. I mean, it’s like the best magic trick ever. Something out of nothing. Not just something– you. I saw the YouTube video your dad made. I watched it six times in a row. You appear to be perfect. It’s bizarre. It’s possible that you are the most adorable thing in the world.
For you, being born is something that you’ll only have to think about later, when people show you the pictures. And then you’ll probably make a face and be like, “Come on, guys, I was NAKED.” And go back to whatever you were doing.
But you being born is ridiculously awesome.
I had a moment. I was looking at your tiny face, in the Youtube video, and you scrunched it up for a second, like you were thinking about crying, and then you changed your mind and went back to looking around with big eyes. And suddenly I got this urge to tell you stuff. Even though I’m twenty-five and what do I actually know about stuff. Twenty-five is a lot older than you. Maybe I’ve picked up a few things along the way.
Stuff:
Sometimes it doesn’t hit me until I see the sky. Like, a lot of the sky. Most of the time, I actually just forget to look up. But walking back from the A train the other day, I remembered, and for a block or so, between buildings, I could see a sizable chunk of sky– clouds and everything. And I realized that I’d been thinking about deadlines and whether or not she meant to sound so irritated when she said that in the meeting and, of course, dinner. But then, when I looked at the sky, I was suddenly thinking about how perfect it is, to be alive. Being alive is this crazy, ridiculous, utterly ordinary gift. You were given it. Make sure you look at the sky.
(you never know what you’ll see up there! source.)
You are loved. A lot. Which you should probably try to remember as much as you possibly can. Because it is the thing that matters most. Really. You and I are both incredibly lucky to be born to parents who will love us no matter what. Sometimes I call my dad at work, and I’m like, “It’s so weird–this cream sauce is all clumpy.” And he says, “Lower the flame, stir constantly.” And then we talk about life for an hour. Sometimes the only thing in the world I really need is my mom. That still happens. Just so you know.
You are going to be good at a lot of things. They might not be the things that you wish you were good at. They might not be things you even notice all the time. But you are talented. And there are people out there who think your talents are the coolest ones. But more importantly, they are, because they’re yours. I, for example, am great at making grilled cheeses. You’d think that’s this little, practically meaningless skill. It’s not. I promise you, it’s not. It is a mighty, noble power. I’ll make you one when you’re older and can eat solid foods. You’ll see.
No one is normal. I swear. Not even one of us. We’re all just pretending, so that we can be a part of a group. But what makes us hilarious and fascinating and cute and promising is how quirky we all are. So don’t worry too much about being normal, if you can help it. Also, along these lines, if you want to dance crazy, you should just go for it.
(here’s an example of someone dancing crazy– it happens to be me. I don’t ever know what to do with my arms, and it’s OK)
It’s better to be happy. Even if there are times when you can only find one thing to be really happy about, and it’s the egg sandwich at the deli on the corner, that’s cool. I love me a good egg sandwich.
But it’s OK to be sad. It will happen. Even though I wish it would never happen to you. When I get sad, I always get angry at myself for being sad. Which means that then I’m both sad and angry. Don’t do that. People say sadness is like a wave. You have to let it wash over you. I would never say something that clichéd– but seriously, just let it wash over you– it’ll go away and then you’ll be there, sitting on the beach, thinking, “Hey, I can actually see a lot of sky from here.” The important thing to remember when you’re under the water is that you’ll always come to the surface again.
It is tempting to protect yourself a lot, when you get older, by being sarcastic and cynical and cautious. But it’s when you let yourself be vulnerable that you’ll learn the most, and feel the most connected to other people. Like right now, I’m making a lot of little jokes, because I try to protect myself. But really what I want to say is something corny and earnest and utterly defenseless. Something like– let yourself love. Let yourself be passionate and interested and engaged and captivated. Let yourself cry.
And make sure to make a fool out of yourself. Just get it out of the way– life is more fun if you’re willing to embarrass yourself a little. My arm got caught in the subway door the other day. The doors opened and snapped shut, and then my leg got caught. Everyone was looking at me, like, “Um, can you just get in the friggin’ train so we can go, now? Why do you have so many limbs that you don’t know how to use?” I laughed, to lighten the mood, which I thought was pretty ballsy, since there was a chance I was about to lose my leg. No one laughed with me. But look! Now I have that hilarious little story! So, to summarize, when you put yourself out there, you might end up somewhere really interesting. Like, in my case, Queens.
At some point, you will probably think it looks better not to wear a coat, even when it’s really cold. But you should wear a coat anyway.
(this should do the trick. source)
Honey Nut Cheerios are always good. You can eat them for breakfast or dessert.
Words are dangerous. That sticks and stones thing that will definitely still be around when you’re old enough to understand it? Total BS. Once you can use words, be gentle with them. You might hurt someone otherwise.
But for now, enjoy being carried around. That stuff is amazing. You’ve got a while before you have to think about any of this. But when you can talk, if you ever want to talk, I’m here for you. We don’t even have to get into anything deep. We can just eat a grilled cheese or two. Maybe some cake.
Love,
(Aunt) Kate
P.S. Did you know your mom studied dinosaurs, before you were born? How cool is that? You should ask her some questions about them. My favorite was always pachycephalosaurus– a total bonehead.
(so cool. source)
* * *
This piece also appears on the Huffington Post here.
Unroast: Today I love the way I feel when I notice the sky.
This is what it looked like yesterday:
Kate on January 28th 2012 in Uncategorized
Lynellekw responded on 28 Jan 2012 at 4:31 pm #
I love the sky. The sky is awesome. Where my desk is at work, if I lean back a little I can see the sky and trees and the ridge of a hill. Sometimes the clouds build up over the top of the ridge and it’s awesome. Sometimes the sunset is bright red and this improbable pinky-orange andd that’s awesome too. Sometimes there are deer walking around our office, and in spring the field next to our car park is full of baby goats. But the sky is the best thing.
Kate responded on 28 Jan 2012 at 4:40 pm #
Right? That’s the saddest thing about my apartment– I can’t see the sky. I’m jealous of your work desk.
Melanie responded on 28 Jan 2012 at 7:32 pm #
Gah! This totally made me cry. Such a great note. Every bit of wisdom you gave him is amazing. I have to say I relate the most to the Honey Nut Cheerios one. I can’t keep them in the house, ’cause I’ll eat two bowls a day.
Samantha responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 3:32 am #
I love reading your blog ! I recently wrote a letter to myself ( as an old lady writing to 26 year old me.) It gave me some good old perspective.. which is always good and keeps me happily trudging.
Kate responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 3:37 am #
@Samantha
Ooh! I want to read it!
I love letters. In my journal, I used to write questions for myself to answer years in the future. I’d be like, “Are you still totally in love with Tommy?” And two years later I’d write back, “Tommy?! Are you even serious right now?? He is SO GROSS.”
I still do that sometimes, only with better questions 🙂
Kate responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 3:45 am #
@Melanie
Yup. I’m averaging two a day, too. I can’t stop!
Kiannah responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 11:38 am #
Kate, this was beautiful! And I am so in agreement about the sky. I live near the Rocky Mountains, and every day, practically regardless of the hour, the sky is a masterpiece. It’s like the world’s greatest art show, free of charge, for any who’re willing to look up. I spend half my time, when walking my dog or going to and from bus stops, with my nose in the air. This might make me look like a crazy person, but so be it 🙂 As Jane Eyre says ‘I’d always rather be happy than dignified.’
PS I absolutely adore your blog! I’m a long-time reader, first-time commenter. For some reason I always tell myself I don’t have time to write the comments inspired by your honest, quircky, hilarious, all-around rockin’ writing. When I was in NYC this summer, I was hoping that I’d run into you (I know, veeery unlikely in such an awesomely massive city). But who knows, maybe I will when I’m doing an internship there, some summer during college (I start next fall). It’s funny how much we seem to have in common (scoliosis- as I found out from your last post, un-schooling, and writing, for starters). Anyway, thanks for writing this awesome blog!
Angela responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 1:27 pm #
Just lovely
Mandy responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 1:34 pm #
Welcome to the Wise Women in Training Club, sweetie!
Hannah responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 2:26 pm #
Kate, this is amazing.
I’m 21, and I still haven’t really learned all this stuff, but I’m trying, and your letter made me tear up from all the trying I’ve been doing.
I used to be exceptionally clumsy, and so I developed the habit of walking with my eyes to the ground so that my feet wouldn’t catch on those uneven parts of the sidewalk and make me trip. But I’m tired of looking at the cement when there is such an amazing, beautiful wonderful world out there — and I can’t see it, because I’m trying too hard not to fall.
So lately I’ve been thinking that it’s time to trust that I’ve got a little bit more balance than I had when I was 11, and to go back to looking at the world with awe. Like when you’re on a swingset, and swinging higher and higher, and then there’s that moment when it’s just you and the sky and the clouds and possibility, and then there’s that moment where it’s just you and God and everything’s covered with happiness.
But you can’t ever feel that way when you’re looking at the pavement, and so it’s time to look up and breathe deeply and savor the fact that life is wonderful and people love me and I am good at stuff and there is always Cinnamon Life to eat (which I vastly prefer to Honey Nut Cheerios) and it’s okay to just smile, and be happy with everything I’ve got…..
Kate responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 2:32 pm #
@Hannah
I guess it’s OK that we disagree about the cereal… 🙂
What a pretty metaphor in your second paragraph. I loved reading this! Made me want to find a swing set.
Kate responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 2:34 pm #
@Kiannah
Thanks for commenting! The Rockies? You’re so lucky! I’m imagining your fabulous life right now…
Next time you’re in NYC, let me know! We’ll run into each other on purpose!
Janice Hiple responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 6:37 pm #
You nailed it, Kate! Wonderful words of wisdom for this (or any) child. I gotta go get rid of the lump in my throat now…
Spelling responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 7:22 pm #
That’s so cute. You are so ready for a baby, (if) and (when) you when you have one (zero pressure).
Cari Ellen responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 8:44 pm #
Wow, how are you so wise and eloquent at your age??? I could read your writing endlessly… but of course take breaks to look at the sky. Also, I really really really love grilled cheese – can we set a date for you to make it for me? xoxo
Abby responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 10:08 pm #
This is so, so beautiful. And I really needed it today.
I got to my computer and just started stressing, because oh my god my classes start tomorrow and oh my god I have so much play practice and oh my god I’m starting my first job and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.
But you know what? I’m here. And I have great friends who I enjoyed hanging out with, and I have so much happy right now that I just let the stressed win out.
TL;DR–I really, really, really needed this today. To remind me of all the things I still need to remember. Maybe I’ll just go and look at the stars for a second.
Kari M responded on 30 Jan 2012 at 3:03 am #
I’m going to translate this into Norwegian, and read it to my 4-year old daughter. Thank you!
Kimmy Sue Ruby Lou responded on 30 Jan 2012 at 9:40 am #
“life is more fun if you’re willing to embarrass yourself a little” – that is the best advice of all, otherwise, as you say, you are protecting yourself and you’ll miss out on what could happen when you’re willing to be vulnerable…love this post!
Quincey responded on 30 Jan 2012 at 12:23 pm #
I love, love this post. When my first niece was born, I wrote her a letter (three pages!) that my sister saved until she was old enough to read. It’s good to look out for the little ones. They need all the encouragement they can get. 🙂
Eat the Damn Cake » the Tiger Mom talks responded on 30 Jan 2012 at 1:07 pm #
[…] from that someone. Maybe they have something interesting to say. Maybe I shouldn’t have told Marius that he was naturally talented– maybe I should’ve told him that when he works hard, he’ll always get ahead. […]
Vicky responded on 30 Jan 2012 at 7:22 pm #
Wow, I wish somebody had written something like this for me when I was born! You must be the coolest aunt ever (isn’t it weird to be an aunt all of a sudden?). Loved the bit about the coat. And I agree, knowing how to make a good grilled cheese IS a noble, mighty power.
Lovely welcome to the world, it was fun and moving to read!
Kate responded on 31 Jan 2012 at 12:53 am #
@Spelling
I love it when people tell me that!! Thank you!!
Kate responded on 31 Jan 2012 at 12:54 am #
@Kari M
That is so, so cool! I’m excited about being translated into Norwegian!
Megan responded on 07 Feb 2012 at 12:43 pm #
This is amazing. Thank you for sharing! I am sending the link to a friend who’s 9 months pregnant right now 🙂
luckywindownload responded on 06 Jan 2026 at 12:43 pm #
Hey, I heard about Luckywindownload and decided to check it out. The download process was smooth and straightforward. Gonna give it a good try! Find it here: luckywindownload