Talking With Feminists
I feel like I should try again. I wrote that piece about not calling myself a feminist anymore, and a lot of things happened at once. A lot of feminists were offended, I was offended that they were offended, and I was abruptly introduced to a community I’d been almost completely unaware of beforehand. I didn’t know there was such a thriving group of feminist bloggers (and the feminists who read those blogs). There are plenty of women who hint at feminism in their writing and comments, or who never use the word, but are obviously interested in standing up for women. But the community I stumbled upon seems much more overt, much more directed, and much more intense. Maybe that’s just because I made them mad.
There are a few things I want to talk about here.
1. In my original piece, I referenced stereotypes about feminists (unshaved armpits, manhating, etc). Some people seemed to believe that I thought these things were true and/or despicable. I made a joke about a pedicure. Someone thought I’d traded in feminism for pedicures, for real. I have this problem a lot. Not pedicures. I’ve gotten two in my entire life. People don’t recognize when I’m joking, even when I think it’s pretty obvious. This is both a problem of the medium and my failure to be more clear. For the record, I don’t think that the tired stereotypes of feminists I mentioned are true for most people who define themselves as feminists these days (and I wouldn’t really care if they were true), but I also don’t think that they’ve worked their way completely out of the system, as some people suggest they have. I’ve met plenty of people who seemed to believe every one of those stereotypes. But my decision not to actively call myself a feminist isn’t a result of my desire to be accepted by these people (I never will be, in any case); it’s a result of my disinterest in having one problematic word do all the talking for me.
2. Along these lines, I actually think that women should stop saying, “I don’t hate men!” so much. “I like men!” It’s annoying. It’s annoying that women have to start sentences about their feminism with a claim that they really, really love men. Because the unspoken (and too often spoken) assumption is that if they identify as a feminist, there’s a chance they don’t like men. As if that’s the most salient feature of feminism. “Men are great!” is not a solution. And we can’t look at violent crime, religious oppression, sexual offenses, or, you know, frat houses, without noticing that men, as a group, do a lot of terrible things that women don’t, in general. That is just a fact. When I walk down the street and see a group of guys coming towards me, I feel anxious. There’s a reason for that. In my opinion, there should be more feminists (and other women) out there who are willing to talk about this, without first apologizing or disclaiming.
3. It seems like a waste when a passionate debate comes down to simple semantics. I care about many (if not most) of the things that the people who disagreed “completely” with my article do. But I am choosing not to use the same word. This is making me think a lot about words. And I think that maybe the people who care so much about the word “feminism” are right—it’s very powerful, and working with that power is meaningful, strong, and useful. It’s a little like wielding dark magic sometimes. Sometimes it’s just like me calling myself a Jew, there’s a whole history behind that word, and for better or for worse, it’s my history. But if I don’t want to use the word, that doesn’t necessarily mean I also want to engage in battle with all the people who like the word a lot. And it also doesn’t mean I’m entirely missing every point that could possibly be missed. I’d like to think I’ve collected a few points along the way.
4. While I’m talking about other people being right, I think it’s right that I overreacted. This is not the first time that people have written aggressive, disparaging articles about my writing. But this is the first time it’s really, really bothered me. And I think that’s because I actually like a lot of the people who thought that my argument was sort of pathetic. When I read Danielle’s piece, I liked it. She seemed like the kind of person I’d want to know better. But I’d clearly become her internet opponent, and, as a symbol of my tragically unaware generation (that was sarcasm, by the way), I didn’t feel I had much of a chance at redeeming myself. But when I went to my new friend Shelby, a young and impressive feminist blogger, she was quick to tell me that there should be room in the discussion for my voice, and I felt about a million times better.
5. Emotion is very gendered. I felt attacked. Maybe I wasn’t as attacked as I felt, but I responded to it by saying, “Why are you attacking me? Please stop being so mean! This isn’t really necessary!” And I quickly got the sense that that was the wrong response. Sort of the “girly” response. That it was weak, embarrassing, and inappropriate. Well, here’s a bit of my own manifesto: I believe that women should have access to the full range of their emotions, and that emotion should be able to be incorporated into discussions, debates, careful reasoning, and normal conversations. Being hurt by something is a legitimate reaction, and one that should merit compassion, not further aggression. I’m not talking just of myself and this specific situation, but of all situations in which someone says, “Please stop! You’re being hurtful!” And the other person laughs and says, “You’re a baby. I’ll do what I want.” Sometimes a group laughs along with them. This happens a lot. It’s one of the things I am bad at, in the world. It’s one of the reasons I was unschooled. Because my mother didn’t want to expose me to that dynamic. And because I wasn’t exposed to that growing up, it’s still a shock to my system. If I share this with people, as I’m doing now, there’s always a risk that they’ll think that I was frighteningly sheltered. I wasn’t. But I was socialized with people other than a huge group of my peers. I’m constantly grateful for that, even now, when I hear about the cruelty other people endured through their peers. Which is not to say that school is always negative and that people can’t have amazing social experiences there. My brother chose to go to high school after being unschooled for most of his life. He did really well and made a ridiculous number of great friends. But all that said, it’s more likely that learning to be tough and non-reactive are skills that people pick up in school because they really, really need them. It’s definitely easy enough to say that the problem is all mine—I need those skills in order to function in the world. But I can’t help but think that there’s something important about holding on to the idea of compassion, even in very small situations. Maybe it’s like holding onto the word “feminism,” in a way. There’s a lot of value there, even if people dismiss it as a weakness or an annoyance. And also, especially as women who are aware of gender issues and dynamics, we should never punish one another for failing to live up to a standard of analytic coolness that has excluded us for so much of history. Which is not to say that women shouldn’t take pride in being coolly analytic. But there’s room for a full range of emotions.
6. I’m irritated at how careful I find myself trying to be right now. Look at that last paragraph. I’m trying to account for everything and everyone, and juggling twenty subjects at once. It’s probably good for me, to think more critically and carefully, but it feels a little like writing a paper, and a little less like what I love about blogging— the freedom to just write.
7. I guess I want to just make it really, really, excruciatingly painfully, obnoxiously obviously, lavishly overstated-ly clear that there should always be more room. There should be more room for more voices, more points of view, and more people in the conversation. There should be room for emotion, and for strict practicality, and there should be room in a conversation about feminism for anyone who wants to talk. It’d be better if they also wanted to learn, but sometimes the talking has to come first. The world works too hard at unyielding definitions. I want to be blurry. I want to keep asking questions. I want to splash around in the gray area a lot. Sometimes I don’t even take my clothes off—I just dive in.
(I searched for “gray pool.” You know, for all the splashing. This is what I got. Image source here)
* * * * * *
Un-roast: Today I love my ability to cook without recipes. I tried to think of something that matched this post better, but that really is the thing I love most about myself right now, because I made this amazing chicken last night…
P.S. My current article in the religion section of Huffpo has a lot to do with blurring lines and definitions, too. It was called “Atheist Prayer,” but they retitled it. Check it out here.
Kate on August 5th 2010 in Uncategorized
Amy responded on 05 Aug 2010 at 12:27 pm #
Very articulate. My heart goes out to you. Don’t you hate it when you have to carefully preface what is on your mind with some sort of qualifier? I have to do that in almost every conversation with my mother. It gets tiring.
Jamie responded on 05 Aug 2010 at 1:16 pm #
Very nice response. Thanks for keeping the dialogue going.
Fabienne responded on 05 Aug 2010 at 1:18 pm #
Wonderful piece, Kate! And I wholeheartedly believe you are right about compassion, and the need for more of it, even in what seems like trivial moments. Thank you!
Karina responded on 05 Aug 2010 at 1:30 pm #
I’m brand spankin new to your blog so let this fact preface my comment by showing that I have aboslutely no pre-established biases to your writing or your content…
I appreciate the point you make about broadening the discussion and encouraging competing dialogue, because the point of any movement, really, is to empower the use of ALL voices, especially those at the margins. What a movement should never be about is silencing anyone’s voice, especially those who could be considered advocates… With that said, I also would encourage you to consider the implications of you disassociating yourself the term, largely because of what other non-members of the movement have attached to the notion of “feminist” – blind anger, raging hatred, the somewhat more trivial one: un-hygienic, all these negative connotations you’ve pointed out in your posts. I’m not saying that we can’t talk about these negative connotations, but if these ideas drive somebody to remove themselves from the movement, to reject that tension-wrought word of “feminist”, we give power to those negative associations and to the people who inscribed them.
We could sit and discuss whether feminists are or aren’t “too angry”, why they do or don’t “hate men”, if they do or don’t shave their armpits…but I think the more important thing to consider is whether or not, as women (not necessarily as feminists), we want to allow these connotations to divide and conquer us in our work and in our causes to support and empower eachother, or if we can instead reclaim that word as our own and inscribe whatever type of meaning we want to it.
I’ve never called myself a feminist, personally, but others have attached that label to me. I don’t mind being called one, but the label is not so important in my mind. It’s a word, and I would be ignorant to say it doesn’t have real meaning…but ultimately, it’s about what I’m DOING that makes me a fighter/advocate for women, not a polarized word. Thanks for your thoughtful posts on this topic.
EcoYogini responded on 05 Aug 2010 at 1:52 pm #
this was a great, well thought out post Kate. I’ll be honest- I specifically avoided reading your other post… because I knew I’d probably disagree for the very reasons Karina above mentioned… but then- I don’t mind labels, especially since I feel that I can use them how I want and how I define the word “feminist”.
Not having read the comments, I find it very brave of you to open up the discussion further for an honest look at how “we” as a community can behave when we feel passionately about something.
It is very important to have the opportunity to voice thoughts and questions without feeling attacked. You’re reaction was valid, and I would have felt hurt as well.
I’ve always felt that the topic of “feminism” has been a tricky one because I feel extremely strongly about equality for the genders on all fronts- and have realized that I won’t be changing anyone’s mind via random discussions either in person or the internet.
sadly there are still people who believe women have their “place” (in the kitchen for example) and that feminists are crazy man-hating hairy lesbians. (not that there’s anything wrong with any one of those adjectives).
We change things by action, like Karina said. Every time you stand up to female oriented slur (i.e. using female derogatory words to refer to things), write a letter with regards to sexist, objectifying advertising, vote for equal pay and maternal rights… all those things are what we should focus on instead of, like you said, semantics. 🙂
Much Light Kate,
Lisa
Emily responded on 05 Aug 2010 at 3:16 pm #
I would like to offer another perspective, or perhaps a clarification of one of Kate’s points. As a grad student in philosophy, one of the things I deal with on a regular basis is ambiguity in language. So many words have becomes weighed down with too many connotations. They become practically useless tools for communication, unwieldy and vague. To compensate we create new words. We start with the basic concept and we partition off all the possible ways the word can be used. Then we rename those different uses so that we can discuss each one without the conceptual and emotional baggage that comes from the original term. It is simply a matter of communication.
In Danielle’s post, she mentioned one word that has been bogged down in this way by too many possible meanings – “Humanist”. She complains that this is not a good substitute for feminism because it can mean too many things. It doesn’t convey the information. It doesn’t rally people behind a cause. I agree.
But what is interesting, is that this is just the comment that I believe Kate was trying to make about the WORD “feminism”. The word has been weighed down by too many connotations. When it is used, no one knows what to expect. What kind of feminist? There are many possibilities. Which wave? What are the viewpoints? There ARE many negative stereotypes attached to the word, but these are not problematic because of what people might think. They are problematic because they confuse the issue. They slow the communication. If I need to say “I am a feminist – and by that I mean, this this this but not that or that or that” I might as well have skipped the word and gotten to the point. This is just what Kate is suggesting. That the word has lost it’s power because there are too many possibilities for what it might mean.
Should we take back the word? How can we do that? We can fight against the natural evolution of the language if we want. We can try to unsay all the things that have been said. But why? It’s just a word. A word is just a thing used to convey information, and this word is failing at it’s job.
But what about the history? The suggestion is not to throw away the history, nor to stop working at the project. We do need to keep pushing for women’s rights. We also need to push for gay rights and the rights of all minorities. There is a rich tradition of people fighting for this, and not all of them are “feminists”. Either way, we can continue to honor their tradition and identify ourselves with their plight as we take on a new title. A fresh title that strips away the confusion and presents the agenda clearly. Why do we cling to the word? The concepts, the goals, the ideas, those are what matter. And those are not being tossed aside. Let me repeat that – those are not being tossed aside. Nowhere, in any of Kate’s writing has there been any suggestion of changing ideals.
So let me say that I agree. In fact, I’ve held this position for a long time. As a women who wants to promote equal rights and benefits for all people, I don’t call myself a feminist. I tell people what I believe. I act in accordance with those beliefs. I don’t need a word to signify that I believe in equal rights, and if I did, feminism would not be first on my list. It is simply too weighed down and unwieldy.
P.s. I would love to comment on Knotty Yarn but the comments section was closed before I got wind of the debate. I hope there is a response to this article. It is an interesting dialogue that speaks to the differences in generational thinking.
kari responded on 05 Aug 2010 at 3:22 pm #
hi kate,
i read your first piece and a lot of what you wrote resonated with me. i too admittedly fall into the categories of “white” and “privileged,” but i’m not willing to let that discount my opinion, either. i’m not willing to first apologize for my points of view with an explanation of my white, middle class upbringing, because to me that’s just putting up another divide to be broken down. and because i have a lot to say and a lot to contribute, and i’m not willing to bow out of conversations where i want to be involved. i truly hope that women from all backgrounds feel the same way, and feel equally unwilling to be apologetic about their own contexts. congrats on tackling this head on and unapologetically. this is a great piece to continue the conversation.
with regards to your first piece, i feel pride when i think about being able to just be labeled as a woman instead of needing the term “feminist”. there’s a quote i really like that feels apt: “i myself have never been able to find out what feminism is; i only know that people call me a feminist whenever i express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.” -rebecca west. a lot of people have labeled me as a feminist, and while, like an earlier commenter mentioned, i really don’t take issue with the label (in fact i take it as a compliment), i do sort of relish the thought that someday no one will need the term to understand me, and that maybe today some people already don’t. i look forward to the day when everyone will see “someone like me” – read, an educated, confident woman – and will think “woman” instead of “feminist.” after all, isn’t that the ultimate goal of the feminist movement? to “work itself out of a job”?
as everyone has so readily pointed out, we’re not there yet. there’s clearly a ways to go in so many areas with regards to women’s rights all around the world. but isn’t it great that we’ve come this far already? isn’t it great that we can already live as peers and identify as peers in community with men and women alike? isn’t it great that a strong woman doesn’t need to be the exception to the rule? doesn’t necessarily need a separate label?
thanks for the great pieces, it’s definitely gotten me thinking about my own identity, and it’s a thought process that i think everyone ought to visit a few times in their lives.
keep it up.
kari
Vivi responded on 05 Aug 2010 at 4:26 pm #
I really identified with your piece about not calling yourself a feminist anymore. The points you brought up were things that I thought about often. I liked your reflections on your relationship with feminism and how it was evolving. There are many more of us that feel like that, so thanks for speaking up. I’m sorry you got attacked by angry responses. Wouldn’t it be nice if people could respect opinions even if they disagree?
Love your writing.
rachel responded on 05 Aug 2010 at 5:59 pm #
As much as I agree that the word “feminism” has become overlain with too many definitions to express a clear belief system, I do think that when we trade feminism for believing men and women should be equal, believing all people should be equal, etc we lose something.
For all its ambiguity, feminism operates under the assumption that the equalities we see in ‘real life’ (read workplace, parenting, teen sex and other things that have statistics) result from patriarchy and masculinist culture. I think this assumption is something that makes people uncomfortable, because it sounds like saying “women are disadvantaged because men are evil.” We all really, really want to believe that we aren’t sexist or racist, and consequently that the inequalities that still exist are mere holdover from times past.
I’m skeptical that the only work we need to do is the kind that can be documented by statisticians. Our culture is racist, and sexist, and classist and homophobic too, which does not mean that we are all these things. Instead it means that it is impossible not to think through these paradigms, because we have learned to think through them.
I know that my opinion is probably not in the majority. The very idea that we are shaped by our culture in ways that we can’t control flies in the face of American individualism and humanism too. Moreover, many will note, to do away with the above verges on eliminating difference. Is it possible to have a concept of gender without sexism or one of race without racism? Maybe, but not easy. How many people would be willing to relinquish their identities?
I am in a quandary here. I think it would the ideal for little girls and little boys to grow up playing with every kind of toy and never thinking ‘it’s really for girls,’ and for us to elect politicians without any (acknowledged or unacknowledged) prejudice for people like ourselves. But practically, I think electing a more diverse government (by favoring minorities) is more likely to bring about that future than taking difference out of the equation. And I can’t imagine thinking of my identity that didn’t include being a woman, being a Jew, being middle class, being liberal, and so on.
As Foucault said, there is no outside to discourse.
Sarah responded on 06 Aug 2010 at 2:16 am #
Kate, I actually agreed with parts of your article AND parts of her post. But like another commenter said, I think that’s possible, even though it seems like it’s not.
You’re right that you stumbled into a whole new, more aggressive community. There are a lot of these communities on the internet, and they make people like me, who want to have an open, reasonable, calm discussion feel really alienated. I’ve tried to talk about issues before, and was called a white supremisist and a colonial bastard. I really don’t think I am either of those things. I have been told I should feel guilty because I am white, and that I can never build a bridge between me and people in these communities. My husband shrugs them off (we know a lot of people who are in these types of Internet communities in ‘real life’) because he knows what they say about him or me or anyone else we know is false. But, like you, I have a hard time doing that. It hurts. I know that the things they say about me are wrong. And even though I know that their reaction to me is inaccurate, I can’t help but feel terrible that I hurt other people’s feelings. Call me weak or whatever, but it really makes me feel hopeless. Like, if I can’t be accepted in these communities, how will we ever address the -isms? You know?
Anyway, Kate, don’t apologise for your sensitivity. There’s a lot of really sensitive women who DO call themselves feminists. The great thing about feminism is that it has evolved…it’s just that through that evolution some sub-groups have decided that some of the other sub-groups aren’t good enough. That’s their choice, but I think the Internet is doing the whole “feminist movement” (if there is one) a disservice by creating this environment of animosity and exclusion. The people in these communities are amazing; but when they get together and pick on others, the results can be incredibly hurtful.
Rebecca responded on 06 Aug 2010 at 3:55 am #
It’s okay to be sensitive.
…
However,
the hard part about writing on the internets is that you are *writing on the internet*, ergo, putting yourself, your ideas, the things you hold dear out in a public forum to be discussed.
I absolutely believe that you have the right to voice your opinion, and conversely, that others have the right to disagree with it.
(For example, while I thought Danielle’s post was thoughtful and reasonable, I also found that she was a tad presumptuous in regards to what she perceived as your “privileged” position.
Because, really?
Unless you *know* someone well,
you cannot ever make that assumption, and even then, only with caution.)
Keep on doing what you’re doing–
being polite,
thoughtful,
and willing to keep the doors of (good) debate open.
Wei-Wei responded on 06 Aug 2010 at 5:40 am #
Oh, wow. That took me literally 20 minutes to read, but it was a worthy 20 minutes. I actually have no idea what to say now because I’m speechless at the strong opinions expressed in this post, and in the comments, too. Your writing is amazingly powerful, and sometimes I wonder why I call myself opinionated. Or a writer at all.
Wei-Wei
Ellie Di responded on 06 Aug 2010 at 8:58 am #
YESYESYES. While I haven’t written anything about it yet, I’ve also been struggling to keep my head above water when reading the amount of hate that’s thrown around in discussions of “isms”. People are shouted down by other participants, creating a literally vicious cycle – the attacked often become the attackers. I’m so exhausted from reading all the self-righteous “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” bullshit. I need room for my voice to be safe. It’s not, so I don’t engage. This kind of shit is scaring off sane, rational, valid people from talking about important issues and keeping the whole picture hidden.
Much love to you. <3
Ellie Di responded on 06 Aug 2010 at 9:01 am #
@Emily – Thank you so much for illuminating the differences in the word usage here. It’s so very important that we understand our language, especially in contexts like this.
Natalie responded on 06 Aug 2010 at 11:11 am #
I love this:
I believe that women should have access to the full range of their emotions, and that emotion should be able to be incorporated into discussions, debates, careful reasoning, and normal conversations.
I completely agree. The deeper understanding of emotions is something typically(!) female and something that should be embraced and not discounted; especially in debates about the nature of feminism.
amen sister.
Lesley responded on 06 Aug 2010 at 11:28 am #
Kate, I’ve been through the same thing–except in person, which I think might be even harder. I tried explaining why I no longer associate myself with the term feminist–pretty much the same reasons you articulated–and found myself cut off socially from other students in my graduate school program.
So I sympathize. It’s odd to me, that the people who seem to think themselves the most liberal, as striving for equality, have so little respect for other people’s right to their own opinions.
Keep writing. You have something worth saying.
And remember, mean people’s opinions are worth less than other people’s. (um, sarcasm, for the people who can’t tell.)
Kate responded on 06 Aug 2010 at 1:16 pm #
I want to write back to all you who commented here, because all of the comments mean a lot to me and are so thoughtful, eloquent, and interesting. But because I can’t give them each enough attention at the moment, I just want to say thank you in general, for allowing this conversation to happen, and for giving me feedback.
I always appreciate what you have you say. And the topic of feminism is an important one, regardless of where we each fall in terms of the word itself. Thanks for giving me a chance to explore it!!
Liz responded on 14 Aug 2010 at 10:01 am #
hi Kate,
I have to admit that I’ve been very frustrated when women younger than myself have rejected the label of “feminism,” when by my definition they were feminists.
but the piece that i am not hearing anyone say from that “side,” is how *hurt* I was by this. I felt rejected! I felt unappreciated! I believed that the younger women didn’t “get” that they had the “privilege” of saying they did not identify as feminists because of the very gains that feminism has made. they were standing on our shoulders, but somehow were weren’t “good enough” for them. we were something to be ashamed of.
and it made me angry, because they seemed oblivious to the concerted effort that the forces against feminism had made to make it a dirty word. it is not an *accident* that it has that negative connotation! I wanted to shout “hel-low! your are being brainwashed! the patriarchy is winning! we have to fight back!”
I was freaking out, in other words.
and I am just now realizing that I have been so afraid and so damn depressed by this, that i couldn’t actually *hear* what the younger women were saying. I didn’t recognize that this was actually good news! it was evidence of the progress we have made. Feminism should become obsolete! that is the whole point.
and I think you are exactly right–you grew up in a totally different context than I did. I really have no clue what it was like for you. and now that I am realizing this, I am becoming curious. what *is* it like for you? what *have* we wrought? because you have to lead the way from here. If I am to be of any future help, I need to work through my issues enough so that I can actually be an open space to receive you, so I can learn where you actually are, instead of seeing it through my preconceived notions about where i think you should be.
what was it you were saying, again?
Claire responded on 22 Aug 2010 at 7:27 pm #
(Disclosure: I have chosen not to wade through the all comments, or all the dramaz alluded to in the previous post)
I am firstly, a new reader of yours, secondly, a little bit in love with your writing style, and thirdly, a feminist.
A feminist who is as tired of the stereotyping (which seems to be ubiquitous, but that I have never run into myself) as she is of those discounting feminism on the basis of being stereotyped. I, begrudgingly accept others’ freedom to actively dis-associate themselves with the term – though on what end of the scale I am, rests on the strength of their points.
It seems apparent to me that nothing will change if women keep avoiding the term – often it seems wanting not to be seen possibly as a ZOMGHUMOURLESSHARPY is cloaked under the similar set of “Well I don’t know what it means…”*, “Haven’t we done this stuff already?”
(*A point which is remedied by anything upwards of a fifteen minutes on the internets, and discriminating use of google)
Whilst you talk about wanting action, wouldn’t it seem proactive to reclaim feminism, and show those in one’s daily circle, that being feminist is not i) a sole defining feature of one’s personality (thus, I have little capacity for those who conjecture on feminists are this/that indiscriminately – we are not a hive mind, folks) ii)ought to be looked at as a positive thing – or, at the very least, not negative?
(It is arrogant of me to assume these things on others, though, I believe nigh everybody has similar feelings for something: a logical conclusion whose truth they are invested in – be it mathmatical, or like me, a movement. To me, the base points of feminism are logical to a point that, much like somebody outright denying that three times four equals twelve, the confusion becomes tricky to articulate without sounding, in some way, at some point, invariably negative.)
And how one is feminist is a personal thing; how you go about it, or get from it, are all based on you; the pre-exisiting individual. There is no such thing as a “good feminist” or a “bad feminist” rather than those who misinterpert the point(s), or, to my mind, are illogical in their application of ideas. I guess what I’m trying to say is, in calling oneself a feminist, you don’t need to become a superhero, or justify yourself to it. You just keep sailing on.
Honestly, I think feminists could benefit from you. I would hope you’d benefit too – but that is over-presumptuous!
I will continue to read your fabby blog, in any case.
(A little end note:
All that said, as somebody who deals with the issues of semantics regularly, I will say that dismissing something because it is, essentially “meh, just semantics” is a lazy argument. I love this blog, and your thoughts, but this is a thing that I hold to everyone, as well as myself. Semantics are important, and it is reductive to deny that one’s word choice, and how one came to choose it, has no merit. (This paticular ire is mostly directed at well-meaning, if, at points, ill-worded comments.))
Belinda Gomez responded on 23 Aug 2010 at 1:08 am #
I think you spend way too much time worrying about what other people think. And saying that something is hurtful and expecting that others will then act differently is naive. I think you use your sensitivity as way to control other people. It’s not very direct.
“Being hurt by something is a legitimate reaction, and one that should merit compassion, not further aggression”
It’s a legitimate reaction, but a childish one. Real women don’t pander to their feelings, but instead, do what needs to be done, no matter how they feel. Action, not emotions, are the measure of an adult.