Fat People Kissing
This is a guest post. Kate (yes, it’s a popular name for cool women writers) contacted me yesterday, asking me to write about the Marie Claire controversy. I was all set to do it, and then it occurred to me that she’d watched the show, felt passionately enough about the issue to write to me in the first place, and was an excellent writer. So I promptly passed the buck– right back to her. Kate is firstly a Katherine, unlike me (I’m one of those rare, endangered just-Kates), and she is a former entertainment blogger for a very popular blog (which must remain a secret for top-secret reasons). She didn’t even want to include that. I had to force her to sound the slightest bit braggy. Here she is:
A few days ago, Marie Claire writer Maura Kelly posted this piece online in which she uses the new CBS series “Mike and Molly” as an example of exactly what she does not want to see on TV: fat people! Or more specifically and worse: fat people in love! In the post, titled “Should ‘Fatties’ Get a Room? (Even on TV?)”, she breezily explains why she just can’t stand the sight of two “fat people” on TV kissing. (On the show, Mike and Molly begin a sweet romance after meeting in Overeaters Anonymous.) Actually, she can’t stand to watch “fat people” do anything at all! They’re so fat! What are they doing on her television in the first place?! Acting like humans?! Gross!
Now, in my life I am surrounded by funny and sarcastic people who enjoy a good laugh and can craft witty, sardonic jokes easily and often. So there was actually a sort of fun moment when I first saw this piece and I thought it was some kind of parody. Seriously, couldn’t these excerpts come straight from an Onion article?
“So anyway, yes, I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other … because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I’d find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.”
“Then again, I guess these characters are in Overeaters Anonymous. So … points for trying?”
“What do you guys think? Fat people making out on TV — are you cool with it?”
Are you cool with it?
Of course, by the end of the piece — and especially after reading some of the 2,000+ comments, which feature story after heartbreaking story about people struggling with their weight — it was clear that the piece was not intentionally funny. Part of what made me suspect it was a parody was her writing style, which is almost a caricature of what a “Women’s Mag” should sound like. It’s got this “girlfriend gabfest!” tone, like it’s totally cute to make disparaging remarks about “fatties” in casual conversation. You know, girl talk!
Her deep love for exclamation points doesn’t help:
“My initial response was: Hmm, being overweight is one thing — those people are downright obese! And while I think our country’s obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it’s at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity!”
That zany CBS and its pro-obesity show! Having watched all but one of the “Mike and Molly” episodes so far (I’m kind of a TV-obsessed nut), I can tell you with certainty that this show does not promote obesity. In fact, it’s a little frustrating because pretty much every piece of dialogue contains some kind of fat joke. And it often comes from the lead couple, which is good in some ways, but also reeks of: “It’s okay to laugh at how fat they are because they’re saying it themselves! HA HA HA!”
(source)
But there is a kind of charm to the show. I actually cheered (I mean, a feeble little by-myself cheer) when Mike and Molly first kissed because I thought it was awesomely sexy, and something you literally do not see on mainstream television, which makes it kind of amazing. For the people who complain that today’s TV shows are all the same old, same old (with which I strongly disagree, but that’s for another rant), this is a series that’s at least trying something. Which is saying a lot for CBS, a network known for its staid, “safe” programming.
What Kelly seems to be saying, though, is that just by depicting two overweight people as happy and in love is promoting obesity. Overweight people have found fictional bliss on television?! Great, now everyone’s going to run out and get obese. Thanks a lot, Mike and Molly! I guess it’s one thing to have obese people on television, but it is a whole other abomination to portray them as anything but miserable, pathetic wretches held up for our condemnation — not to mention our smug satisfaction that at least we have the common sense to not be morbidly obese. Oh, according to Kelly, that’s what it comes down to: just good sense. That and not being so lazy. To use her own words: “I think obesity is something that most people have a ton of control over. It’s something they can change, if only they put their minds to it.” (Generously, Kelly shares some tips for how folks can clear that irksome obesity problem right up. Tips like, “Read labels!”) So it’s all a matter of choice, really. And surely a lot of people are saying to themselves, “Hmm… well, given the options, I’m gonna have to go ahead and choose obesity. Especially since these two lovebirds on TV make it seem so cute.”
Just yesterday, here on this very blog, Kate wrote about feeling like photos make us look fatter than we are, which is something many, many of us can relate to. The last thing we need is someone declaring in no uncertain terms that Fat Is Ugly, and overweight people should be ashamed of themselves and not appear in public (just watching someone walk across the room disgusts her). And saying that “fatties” should stay off TV also reinforces the idea that everyone in entertainment should fit the same mold, that there’s no room whatsoever for celebrating differences or even, you know, depicting people of different shapes and sizes as human beings deserving of respect. It’s a scary message, actually.
In her follow-up “apology” (of sorts), Kelly touches on the fact that eating disorders are serious things (apparently she was anorexic, which explains some things), but I’m still not sure she really gets it. Posts like hers are the stuff complexes are made of. It’s pure shaming but in giggly girlfriend clothing. Especially for a magazine aimed at women, it all seems sad and irresponsible.
As a major fan of Eat the Damn Cake, I admire both Kate’s writing and the commenters she consistently attracts. So I am looking forward to reading: What do you think of all this?
* * * *
Katherine’s Un-roast: I sometimes feel annoyed that I just have plain old brown eyes, but lately I’ve been loving them for some reason. They can be really pretty and soulful, and I inherited them from my mom, which is such a sweet thing, when you think about it.
* * *
P.S. For video coverage of this issue, check out this clip, recommended to me by Amanda at Newsy.com.
Kate on October 29th 2010 in Uncategorized
Kerry responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 2:44 pm #
Does anyone else think that Marie Claire did this for publicity? I have to think that they did, as their staff must be more evolved than to allow this piece to “slip by.” It makes me wary of reading the many many (smart and impassioned) rebuttles, as though I am supporting this maelsorm and playing into MC’s hands.
Kate responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 2:49 pm #
@Kerry
I hope you’re right! But in general, I think that people are more likely to be foolish, prejudiced, and careless than wily, clever, and sly. On so many occasions, I’ve thought that it MUST be a ploy. And we’ll probably never know. But I’ve learned that it’s usually safer to assume they just messed up.
Kate responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 2:50 pm #
And even if we’re playing into their hands, we’re not really, or at least we’re doing something more, because there’s a conversation about weightism happening now that wasn’t happening on the same level, with the same passion, before.
Christin L. responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 3:12 pm #
Isn’t Marie Claire the same publication who interviewed a bunch of food bloggers and then made them all out to be over-dieting, over-exercising, lying crazypeople? Freakin’ shock journalism pisses me off. I think fat love (and skinny love, and skinny/fat love, and gay love, and black love, and brown love, and yellow love, and FFS purple alien love and everything in-between) is beautiful because it’s LOVE. Much more inviting than the often more seen hatespew we are inundated with every day. Sheesh.
Virginia responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 3:19 pm #
YAY KATE(S)! I am a fan of both of these Kates, and this post rocks. Oh Marie Claire… you really lost the plot with this one. Posts like that ARE the stuff complexes are made of… Though I will say, I want to give them (at least tiny) props for getting some good counterpoint coverage going. If we can use this ill-conceived post for good by getting a bigger national conversation going about size prejudice, I am so all for that.
But mostly, yeah, just sad that this kind of prejudice is so “acceptable” that this whole piece got out into the world in the first place…
Kate responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 3:26 pm #
@Virginia
And of course, thanks for connecting us! Sheesh. As I told this Kate, of the guest post, I want to be friends with all of your friends. Because they are amazing.
Amanda P. responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 4:08 pm #
I think that Marie Claire is doing some clever work these days. Did anyone see the chattering all over “healthy lifestyle” blogs after the magazine published a pretty damning article about them (google “marie claire hunger diaries” and what you’ll get an interminable list of blog posts responding to the article). My guess is that Marie Claire has gotten wise to the fact that there are a lot of women watching for these kinds of things, between that article for healthy lifestyle blogs and this one, which I’ve seen blasted all over body image blogs. All I know is that Marie Claire, by publishing questionable content which is deeply rooted in internet/blogging subcultures, is relevant in a way it hasn’t been in a long time. Doubt it’s accidental.
Noel responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 4:22 pm #
Personally, I’d love to see a “kiss in” held outside Marie Claire headquarters, one giant make out session attended by all the hot, sexy, plus-size couples out there. I’m fed up with our society in general telling people who they can and can’t love, and when and where it’s appropriate to love them, i.e. in certain liberal neighborhoods or behind closed doors or in the dark. The truth of the matter is that you only get a very brief time on this planet. If you find someone out there to love during this time who loves you back, you’re a lucky person. And you shouldn’t have to hide that love from ANYBODY.
Noel responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 4:26 pm #
The MC piece also makes me wonder: When did we get so mean?
Katherine responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 4:31 pm #
@Kate and Virginia — Thanks, guys! Glad we’re friends. 🙂
And if this is on purpose, then yeah, it’s good to get people talking but they’ve done it in an incredibly hurtful way. Echoing Noel up there, it’s a really mean piece.
San D responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 4:50 pm #
When I talked to my students about producing art that might be controversial (as this article in Marie Claire was), I suggested that they never do anything that they have to apologize for, and that they stand by their convictions, by never producing anything that they would feel they would HAVE to apologize for. Apparently the writer of the article didn’t think her thesis statement and ideas through. Her apologies and the over 2000 comments speak more about the emotional and judgemental issue of weight than the article itself.
rachel responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 5:26 pm #
Satire this post was not. If the MC article had been meant to mock body prejudice, it would have been done to obvious extreme, and not include statements like, “Now, don’t go getting the wrong impression: I have a few friends who could be called plump. I’m not some size-ist jerk.”
Sometimes I think the world is brimming with hate and there’s no hope for humanity. I then remind myself that people have always been this awful, but once upon a time no one talked about their prejudices, because everyone shared them. Maybe it’s better that it’s out in the open, and we can vocally reject hate when we see it.
Jeni responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 6:17 pm #
I am a recovering anorexic, and as such, I actually feel offended when the Marie Claire author uses her “status” as a recovered anorexic as an excuse for her comments. I know this may come a surprise, but not every anorexic finds overweight people disgusting. And those are the ones that haven’t been through years of therapy, where they are supposed to learn to be comfortable with their own, and other people’s, bodies. If the Marie Claire author was truly recovered, she wouldn’t have found issue with the size of the people kissing and would have been able to critique the show for its content instead (I’m not saying the show is bad or good, I personally do not watch it as I tend to be more a drama person than a comedy person). I am truly upset that the Marie Claire article gives one more reason for the general public to view anorexics negatively.
zoe (and the beatles) responded on 29 Oct 2010 at 11:04 pm #
why do we consistently dehumanize “fat” people? damn, it really depresses me. people are people, no matter what size. this article coupled with the healthy-living blogger article has cemented my decision to never, ever purchase or read a marie claire magazine again. what trash.
Sarah responded on 30 Oct 2010 at 4:41 am #
You were spot on in this post. The thing that bothered me the most about the original fat-bashing post was that she was saying it wasn’t okay for fat people to be happy. This made me angry, and sad…because I know she’s not the only one who thinks it. Some of the people I love most in the world are considered obese, and the idea that they don’t deserve to be happy…that they are somehow sub-human…is just downright tragic. No wonder people have this mentality of “when I’m think I will…”
Another thing this article has made me think about again is quality control on the internet. I don’t know MC’s policy on their blogs. Do they review each blog and ensure it’s appropriate before posting? Not all blogs do. And that’s why many people are concerned about the proliferation of blogs and the increasing reliance on these blogs for information…because there’s not always the same level of quality control as there are in other sources (that’s not to say, of course, that the mainstream media couldn’t GREATLY improve its quality control).
caronae responded on 30 Oct 2010 at 3:14 pm #
I just don’t understand how we, as a society — as women — have come to this point where judgement over other people’s bodies has TAKEN OVER OUR LIVES. My therapist was telling me recently that she firmly believes part of the reason why women are not senators and CEOs and whatnot is because we spend all time our time thinking about our bodies: obsessing over what we eat, how much we exercise, and criticizing our own and other’s bodies. I think she might be right. IT’s exhausting. I can’t imagine how much time the author spent writing the piece. Think about what she could have been doing instead — what WE as educated women could be doing instead of this. Most of all, I think the article, while cruel and wrongheaded, is a reflection of broader social issues.
LittleEve responded on 30 Oct 2010 at 5:25 pm #
I’m sadly confused. In “Cameras Hate Fat”, readers comments were all about how fearful we are of looking fat. And yet, the above comments are all about fighting back, and saying that fat is ok, and still beautiful.
It seems to me that we still can’t decide which way we’re going to swing. I’d love to say that I feel ok about the side-saddles on my hips and my chubby cheeks, but unfortunately I also have just been married, and went through the trauma of having hundreds of photos taken of me. A week before the big day, I had a big cry at the fear of looking ‘fat and ugly’ in my photos. And couldn’t even get excited about getting the photos back once the wedding was over!
Despite all our protests, we *still* can’t bring ourselves to believe that we are beautiful just the way we are. I think the Marie Claire article, and hundreds more just like it, is more damaging than we realise.
Like I said, I’m sadly confused.
Kate responded on 30 Oct 2010 at 10:32 pm #
@LittleEve
I don’t think it’s really too different, honestly. We’re all confused about fat. Fat is so stigmatized that we are terrified of looking fat in photos, even as we struggle to recognize what should be obvious: fat doesn’t equal ugly. We are furious at people suggesting that fat does equal ugly, because we know, rationally, that that’s wrong. But we’re all a part of the same culture, and it’s a constant fight to see our own beauty, especially when our bodies refuse to obey the absurd rules that get imposed on us. So we’re not really saying different things when we talk about photos and fat and we protest weightism. We’re consistently struggling with the same concept. We’re having the same conversation, which, summarized, might sound like, “I should be able to be whatever I am, but I feel ugly when I am things that society tells me I shouldn’t be. Society shouldn’t tell me not to be who I am, but I’m still influenced by it, every moment of every day.”
sophia responded on 30 Oct 2010 at 10:33 pm #
I read the article. I cringed. For the sake of the poor writer, and the sake of Marie Claire. I feel sorry for them. The writer is getting a lot of shit right now, for voicing out things that really, shouldn’t be published. It’s a conversation that is actually “okay” during private sleepover chats between women, but voiced out loud like that in a popular woman’s magazine…that’s irresponsible journalism right there.
I think Ms. Kelly just didn’t realize the amount of impact her writing has on people. This will be a good, if not devastating, lesson to her. As a fellow journalist, and having had recently gone through a similar experience, I feel really sorry for her. I don’t think she’s an awful person. I just think she made a very unwise and unthoughtful choice.
Free speech, blah blah blah. I guess you are entitled to your own opinions, but you’ve got to bear the consequences when you parade your free speech in public.
And another thing: the term “fat people” makes me shudder. I just don’t like it, the way I hate it when someone may call me, “that anorexic girl.” People are not defined by their weight, or even their disease.
Of course obesity is a problem, a huge one, in America. But really, the weight is not the problem, but there is a more complicated invisible problem underneath the physical manifestation of what we see. Let’s not be fast to point at people and condemn them for their demons which is unfortunately visible. EVERYONE has their demons, and the “obese” and the “anorexic” or whatever people just have the misfortune of having it open for everyone to see.
Dana responded on 31 Oct 2010 at 6:57 am #
Great conversation about the confusion many of us feel–the negative messages we’ve internalized about appearance make it difficult for us to fight back, even though we want to. Reminds me of a book chapter that I love–I’ll Die for the Revolution but Don’t Ask Me Not to Diet (in Feminist Perspectives on ED’s).
Regarding Maura’s disclosure that she was anorexic: Many people who “recover” from an eating disorder do so by using cognitive behavioral techniques (e.g., learning to avoid trigger foods or to change negative self-talk), without a dose of good ol’ feminism. They may not understand that our struggles with weight and body image are tied to issues of prejudice and privilege. Maybe we all need to re-read Fat is a Feminist Issue.
adria responded on 31 Oct 2010 at 7:54 pm #
i think it was a very sad display from anyone who is a “professional” writer – i would hope that anyone with a conscious would have thought, before publishing such comments “umm, maybe this isn’t such a good idea?”
at the same time, and as an obese woman in society, i sometimes am torn on the subject of obese characters on television, or in movies. it’s rare that they are displayed in a positive way – they are sometimes sloppy (poorly dressed, or depicted as messy), they are sometimes silly (or portrayed as dumb people who need to crack jokes to have friends)…it’s frustrating. then there are the obese men who can get the skinny women, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen an overweight woman land a hunk of a man (think King of Queens or that Jim Belushi show…).
i don’t know what i’m getting at here, other than the persons weight shouldn’t matter – not in real life, not on tv, not in the movies. there are fatties out there who are sharp dressers, who are smart and making gobs of money, who don’t just sit around and talk about cake and ice cream, but are doing things in life that some skinny “pretty” people wouldn’t even dream of trying. when do those people get shows?
in addition, with the obesity epidemic in this country, i also find myself wondering if it’s such a good idea to have shows which might come off as saying that being overweight and/or unhealthy are such a good idea…i’m very torn on this topic…as a woman, as a fattie, as someone striving to live a healthier life. it’s tough.
but for now, i’m going to go kiss my overweight fiancée’ and i’m not going to feel bad about it one bit! 🙂
Gaby responded on 31 Oct 2010 at 11:36 pm #
Wow, MC is just trying to create controversy from all angles, aren’t they? I’m normally pretty indifferent to fashion magazines just because I’m not that into the fashion and never expect them to have interesting articles so I don’t read them. But like I said, until now, I’ve really just been indifferent. THIS is really upsetting though! Marie Clare really needs to either get better editors that will decide what articles will make it to press, or rethink the messages they’re trying to get across. Being so blatantly prejudiced is not only appalling from a social and personal standpoint, but (though the personal is more important) from a business perspective, it’s dumb.
I actually really like the show too. It’s funny, and I find it endearing and realistic that they are in love and excited and at that beginning butterfly stage of the relationship and still self conscious like anyone is about what they perceive to be personal flaws. Whether those flaws are our weight or any other generalized fear/ jitters we get about relationships, we can all relate to it.
Plus I loved the actress in Gilmore Girls, she’s so cute!