Why I'm not writing a post today
The wedding photos came in today. In two discs. One of the discs works. My computer growls at the other one and then spits it out. I looked through about 450 photos in maybe five minutes. And now I need to think about what I’ve seen. And not do anything rash. And look at everything again.
I’d gotten to the point where I almost didn’t care about how they came out. But now they’re here, and I definitely care. I don’t want to look through them again. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to see myself looking awkward and lumpy and bad, even when I’m wildly happy and wearing a beautiful dress. I don’t want to look in the mirror and think, “Why can’t just one of the pictures capture the way I look right now?” I don’t want to think, “My kids will think this is what I looked like when I was twenty-four.” I don’t want to think anything.
Meanwhile, the kitten flies through the air, a foot from my head. She is jumping between the couch and a chair. She is on my lap, curled up for about three seconds, mewing darkly, as though chastising me for something I’ve done wrong. I think in the middle of the night she jumped into bed and climbed onto my neck, where she slept. But I can’t be sure. It might have been a strange dream.
Check out the guest post from a Princeton PhD student and former homeschooler at Un-schooled. She likes math.
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Un-roast: Today I love the way I look when most of my hair is up, but some tendrils fall along the sides of my face. It’s never particularly elegant on me, but it looks like I might be a cool, down-to-earth artist type.
Kate on December 17th 2010 in Uncategorized
Angela Jones responded on 17 Dec 2010 at 5:54 pm #
Kate,
I am sure your wedding pictures are all beautiful. You are right, it is about the moment and that is what you will remember. I still look at my parents photos and sure I love to look at the dresses, but what I really remember is the love I feel through the photos. We have only been married 10 years and I look back at our photos and notice my caked on eye shadow, my hair in a loose bun and my husbands hair..I still give him crap for it! lol My bridesmaids dresses were horrible! But, as much as you want everything to be perfect, it is about being married, the commitment and the LOVE. My sister is getting married in May and we just went dress shopping. It was so much fun! I didn’t have a long time to plan, I just wanted to be married, so we did a quick little wedding. When our kids look at our photos now, they notice us kissing, my dad smiling as he is walking me down the aisle and mommy and daddy in love….GROSS!!!! they say!!!!
I can’t wait to see a picture from your wedding, are you going to share any of them? The Kate I know through your writing, I can feel the love you have for Bear, and I’m sure your photos capture that beautifully. xx
zoe (and the beatles) responded on 17 Dec 2010 at 9:46 pm #
kate.
i highly doubt you look “lumpy” or “awkward”. i bet you look radiant, beautiful, and overwhelmingly happy. i bet the second time you go through them, you’ll realize all those things. no worries pretty lady, keep your head up <3
Wei-Wei responded on 18 Dec 2010 at 3:38 am #
I am actually the sort of person who will NEVER like to be photographed. I hate seeing photos of me, and I delete them all the time. I like being the photographer. However, I do know that this means I’m always deleting memories… but I still don’t know what to do.
Feel proud and amazing for who you are, Kate. Years and years down the road, you’ll look back, and feel beautiful.
Rosalyn responded on 18 Dec 2010 at 1:44 pm #
I am so NOT photogenic. We had professional photographers at my wedding a bazillion years ago. When we got the pictures back I was so unhappy – every one of me was completely how I did not want to look. But now I look back on them and wonder how I couldn’t see how pretty I was! The pictures were actually great, and so was I, but I just couldn’t see it at the time. Hang in there…
Emmi responded on 16 Mar 2011 at 3:17 pm #
I lucked out and got an amazing wedding photographer. I’ve never photographed particularly well, but she made me look awesome in almost every photo.
She was quite the artist with the photos, too. If you’re interested, they’re here: http://s757.photobucket.com/albums/xx213/ihasawedding/