I want to have an adventure
I am essentially a pretty wimpy person. I think I’ve done a decent job coming to terms with it. If someone offered me a magic cape and a brightly colored spandex suit and a decent superpower, I’d be like, “I’m afraid of heights and I get the flu a lot. You should pick someone else.”
In fact, I spend a disturbing amount of time imagining scenarios like that one. You know, a magic portal opens in front of me in a misty wood that I happen to be wandering through (probably The Ravine in Central Park, on a day when the water smells like actual water and there aren’t any tourists making their small children stand on precarious rocks for photos), and I peer into another world, where tiny fairies with translucent wings chase mosquitoes and a mysterious woman wearing a deep green cloak beckons. What do I do? If I go through it, it will probably close behind me and I’ll never find my way back to Manhattan, 2011, and I’ll miss Bear and my family and friends too much, and what do women in the strange, ancient elvyn world do when they get their period? I bet there aren’t any tampons. I bet there isn’t any Midol.
Or if someone with a machine gun came into the coffee shop right now. What’s my plan? Even in my imagination, I never come up with something great. I picture myself getting shot. What– I’m not going to be able to break through the glass, and the exits are too far away. Let’s be realistic.
So I’m a wimp.
But recently, I’ve been getting this strange feeling. Like I want to have an adventure. Even though I don’t even know what an adventure would look like.
(source)
I woke Bear up yesterday morning. “I feel like we’re going to have an adventure,” I said.
“OK,” he said. “What kind?”
“I don’t know, like, an adventure.”
“What happens first?”
“We…” I thought for a while. “Can do anything!”
“OK,” he said, starting to fall back asleep. “That sounds good.”
I jumped out of bed. I felt like we could go anywhere in the world.
It’s funny, to think of how few adventures people tend to have. Maybe too many of them would involve quitting a job you really need or leaving your family and friends or something. But maybe not. Or maybe so, and that would maybe be alright, except that it’s too scary.
Sometimes I look at the world and it seems like mostly people work and drink and watch TV and go on the occasional vacation. And I feel a little lost. I have this urge to put my life’s savings into a tiny, crumbling cabin in the middle of a vast wilderness (with relatively easy access to a town with an inexpensive but well-stocked grocery store, of course), and go live there for a while. Just for a while. And then try living somewhere else. Somewhere where the land is beautiful in a totally different way. Somewhere where the people have a different accent and different favorite games. Or maybe I want to start a business, right here, and meet people I’d never have predicted, and see if I can sell anything at all.
Sometimes I’m hit with this crazy realization that this is my life, happening right now. And I can do anything with it.
Usually I think about how I might step on a rusted nail in the crumbling cabin, and the nearest hospital will be 78 miles away, and they’ll have to remove my whole leg by the time I get there (which they won’t even be very good at, because no one on the staff specialized in any kind of surgery), and what about getting a strong internet connection, anyway, and the shower’s probably gross.
But sometimes I want to have an adventure.
(source)
* * *
Un-roast: Today I love how sometimes when I’m talking with someone I imagine they think I look cool.
Recent awesome un-roasts from some of you:
MWN: It makes me really happy and awed to really feel the beauty in other people so viscerally, like I did the other day. It’s a great habit that I want to continue to cultivate.
Mandy: I enjoy wearing my leopard-print, sequinned, hi-top converse (love those shoes!) to parties and seeing who notices!
Virginia: I just shoveled the driveway by myself. And I did a pretty crap job because I hate shoveling, but it was an excellent excuse to tramp around outside in my snowboots. And I love how adorable and athletic I look when I’m tramping around in my snow boots.
Anna: I love that although I am a college drop out people still find me intellectually stimulating. I have come to terms with the idea that traditional education may not be for me, but sometimes people don’t understand that. I love smashing people’s preconceived boxes (in the nicest way possible, of course).
Sal: My un-roast has to be my hair- I love that it’s long and curly and different. I also love that it’s a link to my mother and sisters.
Corny: I love that I look and feel better with short hair. I cut about 4 inches off my hair last week, taking it to about 1 inch below ear length. It’s all coming off soon.
New Un-schooled post, about how I think skills should be measured and how awesome milkshakes are.
Kate on January 31st 2011 in Uncategorized
JJgal responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 11:26 am #
I just adore you and this post, you know that?!?
Kate responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 11:35 am #
Thank you!!!
Shari responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 11:48 am #
I was literally LOLing when you described how you are a pretty whimpy person, I really related to your description. I have to tell you that I also related to your description about your dream adventure. Close to 10 years ago, I left my profession as a liberal, clinical psychologist born and bred in New York and moved to very conservative, rural, northwestern Montana. I moved into the “tiny, crumbling cabin in the middle of a vast wilderness (with relatively easy access to a town with an inexpensive but well-stocked grocery store, of course) …Somewhere where the land is beautiful in a totally different way. Somewhere where the people have a different accent and different favorite games. Or maybe I want to start a business, right here, and meet people I’d never have predicted, and see if I can sell anything at all.”
Everything you wrote about above was my life. I started 2 businesses: an internet business, and also a NY style hot dog cart, importing and selling Sabrett hot dogs and knishes to the native Montanans who thought loved them. You could not get a good hot dog out there to save your life! The people there were so different from myself, and I loved them for it.
After 8 years, I came home to New York…you can only stay away so long bc you miss it so much it calls you back. I’ll always love and never regret my “adventure”. Thanks for your blog today, it brought back some very happy and funny memories.
Erin Block responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 11:57 am #
What DID women of old do when they got their period!? This inquiring mind wants to know!
Kate responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 11:58 am #
@Erin
I’ve heard some scary stuff about moss tampons. But there definitely wasn’t Midol.
Emily responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 12:13 pm #
*opens portal*
come adventure with me and bring bear!
*rusty nails not included
Liz responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 12:16 pm #
I feel lucky to have the life that I do and I love my family dearly…but, my alter fantasy life is the complete opposite of domesticity. I would love to be a vagabond photojournalist who travels all over the world seeking new experiences and meeting interesting people. I think that’s why I’m such an avid reader of an eclectic mix of books…you can go anywhere and have a mini adventure without leaving your home. 🙂
B1 responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 12:31 pm #
Old styles of handling THAT time of the month… Rags were one method, hence the term, “being on the rag”. They would use them and then wash them out for re-use the next month. This was just before the time that pads were invented that you needed a belt to hold them in place.
Before that, I think in some cultures, women secluded themselves during that time and then once it was over returned to their families.
My how times have change…
Kate, I love your posts!
un-roast: I love that when I read, I see the pictures in my head.
Christin@purplebirdblog responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 12:42 pm #
Any time I get lost while driving (which consequently is often), I yell “We’re going on an adventure!” and enjoy the process of finding my way out of where I am and back on track. 🙂
Jess responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 1:11 pm #
I imagine weird scenarios like that, too, and they usually end with me dying a tragic death. I can’t sustain my life away from what it is, I guess. Life’s pretty good as it is.
But I want adventure. My sister is up and moving to North Africa in a few weeks. Not sure I’m up for that much adventure, but a change from the daily grad student grind would be most welcome…
un-roast: I love how I feel in my running tights with the racing stripes down the legs. They make me feel strong and invincible. I’m sure the stripes makes me run faster.
Dori responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 1:20 pm #
It sounds like you need to read some Pooh.
Ashley responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 2:41 pm #
I refuse to be wimpy. I hate wondering “what if?” So if an adventure opportunity pops up, I feel like a dumbass if I don’t take it. Sometimes it’s nice to live on the edge. Liberating.
Mandy responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 3:06 pm #
Sometimes I get a vague longing to just leave everything and go somewhere new, and start fresh. A brand new place, where no one knows me, and I can be anything and anyone I want to be.
A brand new me, without all the responsibilities, car, mortgage, and expectations to uphold. No baggage, in both the literal and methaphorical sense.
But, like you, my pratical side always nags at me, and spoils the fun. And I realize that I like my car and my house and my husband–and though I need a really long vacation, I also like my job. Wherever I would go, I’d still be me, and I’d probably recreate my new life exactly the way I created my old.
So, I take a look at my life and do one or two things–maybe even both:
1) I see what kind of excess baggage I can jettison. The kind of things that have become clutter and dead weight. With me, this usually takes a very literal form–I go through my closets, etc. and make a pile of stuff to throw away or to donate to Good Will. I sort through the junk drawer. I weed out the out of date or redundant paperwork in my desk. I throw away the holiday cards from the previous three years.
I literally “lighten up.”
2) I sit down and decide on what kind of little outing I’d like to make: a trip to the theater, a long weekend at a show or convention that my husband and I both like, see if the Cirque du Soleil is in town..I make some sort of concrete plan do to domething fun–to have a LITTLE adventure.
It helps keep those inter-dimensional doorways at bay.
Un-roast: I love playing my favorites songs and dancing around the room when no one else is home. (See? You’re not the only one!)
Nanina responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 3:06 pm #
Ah, me too 🙂
Erin Block responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 3:56 pm #
Moss tampons! Oy…
The ones we have today are scary enough!
Rabbit responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 4:22 pm #
I just got back from an adventure this weekend! Where I live, however, it’s pretty easy to have an unexpected or accidental wilderness adventure. It’s not so much that we’re in the middle of nowhere as it is that folks around here tend to spend a lot of time in the woods/mountains/ocean in the first place. My boyfriend and his friends are all outdoorsy types, and while I’m more of a bookworm I do get dragged along most of the time, and one of my girl-friends goes walking with me several times a week in the spring and summer. I also tend to be more of a stick-with-the-path kind of person, while a number of my friends tend more toward “Let’s go this way through the underbrush!” type hiking. Needless to say, things get interesting… especially once the booze starts flowing, lol.
Friday night’s adventure began with climbing a mountain in the dark in search of a cabin our friend had rented. The footpaths were all covered over with a thick layer of snow, but it’s a popular snowmachining area so we could walk on the trails the machines left behind. We completely missed the trail of footprints leading straight up to the cabin because of the darkness, and eventually wound up postholing cross-country through the trees and snow blindly following the sound of our friends drumming at the cabin. It was an epic journey, but in the end we arrived at a nice warm cabin full of friends and fun! (Props to my boyfriend. On that last, miserable, uphill, cross-country bit, he carried not only the cooler and his own backpack, but my backpack as well, asking only that I carry a small bag of charcoal, because by that point I was a sobbing mess and kept falling over into the snow. When we finally got there I was miserably sick and weak and eventually threw up purely from the exertion of the climb, but the rest of the weekend was awesome.) The view alone was worth it, especially on the hike back down on Sunday morning. We missed out on all the beauty on the way up because it was too dark, and we were too busy keeping up our momentum.
My walks with my girl-friend somehow manage to get quite epic, too, even though we almost always walk on the same popular, paved footpath. Once we got caught in between two black bears! One came out of the woods behind us and we moved down the path to get away from it, only to encounter another one sitting right down on the path eating berries! One of her little dogs got loose and ran up to the bear, barking. We were so afraid that he was going to provoke it into an attack, but after a few minutes he got up and lumbered into the woods, and we made it back home safe and sound.
Whew, this is a long post! I’ll just end with a brief comment about looking for magic portals in the woods: I have never stopped looking for them. 😉 Every time I see a bent-over branch or a sneaky crack between two large rocks, or some other natural formation that looks like it could be a doorway to another world, I see the magic in it… but I don’t walk through them any more. Part of it is that I don’t want to spoil the magic by proving it false, but mostly it’s that I’ve come to understand that I love the people in my life (especially the aforementioned boyfriend) so much that I’d rather live this mundane existence with him than experience a magical fantasy world without him.
Corny responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 4:57 pm #
I want to do this so much. Going to add it to my list.
Jen responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 5:02 pm #
Read “Into the Wild.”
San D responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 5:16 pm #
It seems that your life is going to be filled with adventures. I mean pastrami in Salt Lake City is a good example. But do not overlook your daily life while dreaming away, because there are adventures right under your nose, particularly since you live in NYC. Walking the High Line and then going gallery hopping in Chelsea is a great adventure, especially in the cold and snow! You never know what you will see, who you will see, and how you will react to seeing the sunset for example from the High Line. People in other parts of the country would consider that experience quite the adventure. Oh, and it’s free.
Kate responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 6:33 pm #
@Jen
Not that kind of adventure! I don’t want to die!
Kate responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 6:35 pm #
@San D
That’s one of the reasons I love NYC. But sometimes all the buildings can be a bit much, even for me.
Bear and I had our second date at the high line. And then I went twice with my mom. And a few times with friends. It’s awesome, but enough is enough 🙂
San D responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 7:16 pm #
I understand, and so do many other city dwellers. That is why they have houses in the Hamptons, or at Cape Cod, or “down the Jersey Shore”, or “Upstate New York”.
Kate responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 8:52 pm #
@San D
Except good luck being able to afford a second home after paying rent on a Manhattan apartment!
San D responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 9:21 pm #
Oh, believe me I know, those getaway adventure places don’t come to young people just starting out, but are saved for over years.
Tabs responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 10:21 pm #
You said a line straight out of a book I read today. “This is [my/your] life happening, right now.” – I just started (and finished!) Michael Chabon’s *Manhood for Amateurs* today and that’s one of his closing lines, as he watches his daughter getting carried around in a chair during the Hora at her bat mitzvah. He spends a lot of time talking about the past (nostalgia) and the Future (what is it?), before landing on this sentence in the end. But it was very …inspiring, almost, to me. I had a very similar sense of wanting an adventure.
He also wrote some interesting bits about Adventuring and how children have adventures all the time – or did, before childhood was co-opted, commercialized, re-packaged and sold back to children, who now could go nowhere without supervision, so they are unable to have their own adventures and EXPLORE. I think that’s what I think about adventuring. It doesn’t have to be shadowy elvyn ladies with emerald hoods and flashing eyes standing in front of portals (although it’d be cool), but… that, adventures, like when you were a kid, were EVERYWHERE. Everything you did was an adventure! Alleys became kingdoms, sand dunes were the ocean, and so on. You can still do that!
Go for a walk and discover and explore, and that’s an adventure, I think!
Kate responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 11:28 pm #
@Tabs
Now I want to read the book 🙂
And yes, I think that what you described counts as an adventure.
Claire Allison responded on 31 Jan 2011 at 11:57 pm #
Hahaha, man, I totally had that same sentiment today. I was being pissed off at the mediocrity of the world I live in and I was like “Fuckin- I should just go live in a fuckin cabin for a while and chop wood with an axe and grow some fuckin potatoes and shit like I’m s’possed to!” and then my friend looked at me like I’d lost my mind, cause I swore an awful lot with that sentiment, and asked me why I don’t, and I said, “I’m not very good with the outdoors”.
Which is totally untrue, I mean yeah, I’m allergic to it, but I could totally do the rural thing. I even know carpentry, and I’ve wanted to learn to chop wood with an axe my whole life, and I know how to grow potatoes. But I’m a city girl.
Anyhow. This sentiment is going around- we want an adventure but we’re chicken and feeble. That would be the point of my anecdote.
Louise responded on 01 Feb 2011 at 4:00 am #
Oh dear – I’m a wimp too! I love your imagination!
Ellie Di responded on 01 Feb 2011 at 8:56 am #
This exact thought keeps me up at night and buzzes around in my head all day. I need more adventure in my life! There was a time when that’s what I had, but being a grownup stinks in that I’ve not been able find the time or the money to adventure. A sad excuse, I know. This year, though, feels different. I’m already planning to have a massive adventure to Austin in the spring. There’s adventure over the horizon every day.
Eat the Damn Cake » My tampons are going extinct responded on 01 Feb 2011 at 12:27 pm #
[…] lot better. I’ve been thinking about them in a slightly different way since I wrote about how the elvyn women in their magical, pristinely forested world would probably not have any. And it makes me thankful to be […]
Erin responded on 02 Feb 2011 at 4:16 pm #
Love your blog. My unroast – I love that I will be gray in the next couple of years. I am only 28 and I have a thick streak of gray that started at 15. I just found a gray hair on my temple today. I think it makes me look wise. Just waiting for my actual wisdom to catch up….