So smokin' contradictory
My brother got me a frilly apron as a joke for my birthday, and I actually wear it. Well, I cook a lot. And I’m messy. No matter what, ink ends up on my sheets.
I lead religious services, and love doing it, but I don’t believe in God.
I met Bear online, and it was romantic.
I have really short hair and I really want to wear floral print dresses sometimes. I can’t help it. I just want to.
Engaged at 23, after making extensive fun of everyone who got married young, behind their backs. Married at 24, feeling more independent than I ever have before at 25. I just read that women with graduate training have a median marriage age of between 29 and 30. This is the wrong kind of precocious, clearly. Shouldn’t I be Sex and the City single and fabulous? I’m in the city. I have sex in the city. I don’t know if I have sex AND the city. But I think there’s a good chance I do.
Speaking of graduate school– I have an Ivy League graduate degree and I am writing instead of…doing the things that people do after they work that hard in school. Back in undergrad, at an enormous state school, looking out over a parking lot from my cinderblock dorm room, I was pretty sure I’d have to kill myself if I didn’t get into the Ivy League. Death by boredom, from watching a parking lot for way longer than can be tolerated by the human brain.
I am intensely ambitious. As in, it keeps me up at night. As in, when someone succeeds wildly instead of me, I just quietly have them killed. You know that famous whale trainer girl? That little “accident” with Free Wilfred? Yeah. I know a guy. Who can talk to whales. Wilfred was all too willing to participate. Which says something, I think.
(Sorry. Sometimes I just run with it. For a long time.)
Where was I? Yeah, I’m intensely ambitious, but…I cannot wear a power suit to save my life. Something about the shoulders. I look like I’m perpetually shrugging. Which isn’t powerful body language. It’s like, “That deal with Google? Should we cut ’em to the bone? Eh. Maybe.”
And I’m a writer. An un-famous one. Although the slightest bit famous for that day my face was on the front page of Aol, with a giant headline, “WOMAN GETS YET ANOTHER NOSE JOB. WHICH PART OF HER FACE WILL SHE DESTROY NEXT??” OK, it wasn’t quite that bad. But it wasn’t exactly the piece that I expected to take over the world with. And then Bear’s extended family, who I’ve met once or half a time, is calling, like, “I didn’t know Kate had a nose job! Tell her I think she’s very pretty anyway.” And these guys I don’t know are writing to tell me that Jewish women turn them on. A lot.
Yeah.
No, I’m appreciative, though (remember yesterday? Don’t think I’ve forgotten already. I’m on a roll here). It was really fun, overall.
What else? Even though the food I cook is on the “very healthy” end of the spectrum, I’d much rather get junky pizza than go out to one of the many sleek, stylish, mood-lit New American restaurants that populate the East Village. But I like being forced to try those places occasionally, because they make me feel cultured and cool. Even though I’m obviously not. And obviously the floral print dress I was wearing at the sleek restaurant was from a thrift store. Obviously.
I have always preferred to eat with a plastic fork. I don’t know what that contradicts. Everything, maybe. The world.
If I make a list of all my weird features (which I’ve done way too many times), I sound kind of like a hideous, leprous, horrifying creature from the underworld of an alien planet. But then sometimes I just look hot.
I’m really excited about living in a time and place that allows me to be all of these things at once. Because being contradictory is kind of the same as being alive. Plus, it’s sexy. I’m a mystery and stuff. And I live in the city. SEXY MYSTERY and THE CITY. Come on, that’s catchy.
(floral print dress from Buffalo Exchange. Making it work with short hair and a big nose, that’s all me.)
* * *
Un-roast: Today I love my nostrils. They’re well shaped. One is a little larger than the other, but it gives them character. And I don’t think anyone else really notices, anyway.
New Un-schooled post about learning disabilities and this kid I knew in Hebrew School.
Kate on March 9th 2011 in Uncategorized
Ellie Di responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 11:57 am #
I contain multitudes.
josie responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 12:24 pm #
Contradictions keep life interesting =)
Erin Block responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 12:34 pm #
Un-roast: I love that the man I love thinks I’m sexy wearing a comfy men’s dress shirt.
monika hardy responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 12:40 pm #
i love this Kate:
being contradictory is kind of the same as being alive.
Relatable Style responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 12:44 pm #
You are me! Haha 😀 Ok, except for I can rock a power suit like nobody’s business (must be the broad shoulders) and look like a milkmaid in florals (must be the Eastern European heritage). And I’m neither married nor Jewish. But I’m so two-faced in almost every other aspect of life, it hurts. The thing about extreme ambition and not really following it with panache hit home. I really don’t believe in astrology, but I once heard it is a facet of a Pisces. I am one, and if I’m not completely wrong here, I said happy birthday to you not so long ago so chances are you are one too? Must be a coincidence though…
marzipan responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 2:20 pm #
I LOVE this post, and I so agree – “being contradictory is kind of the same as being alive.” YES. I needed this little bit of inspiration today. My unroast? On the day after my 26th birthday I truly love my upper-body. I love the unbelievable strength of my shoulders, and the way my neck is learning to hold itself in a way to reduce rigidity.
Thank you.
Liz Nord responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 2:48 pm #
I cannot remember where I read the following quote, but I do remember relating to it one a deep level. The writer was describing a person and said that he was a “multidimensional amalgam of contradictory traits”. Ooh, I LOVE that! I think we are all a walking contradiction on a daily basis.
P.S. I love that you admitted that about God. Very daring! I send my daughter to a Catholic school, but I don’t believe in the religion part of the school. They have great academics and teach rockin’ ethics.
Karolina responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 2:59 pm #
Well, I agree with other commenters -it’s these contradictions that make life real.
One thing that made me curious (ok? ONE? I’m contradicting my own self right now! – ok, one of the things that made me curious) is how can you lead a religious ceremony not believing in God? Isn’t it too much of a contradiction? I’m not criticising, I’m just really curious….
BTW – I really like your blog. And my dad always resembled gorrillas at the zoo…
Kate responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 3:06 pm #
@Liz
Love the quote. I hope someone describes me in those words someday. Maybe you!
Kate responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 3:07 pm #
@Karolina
Thanks for asking! It’s sort of a long answer, and I’d be happy to talk about it more with you, but to start, here’s a piece I wrote about prayer and atheism:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kate-fridkis/letting-atheists-pray-too_b_667615.html
Let me know if that clarifies anything or just leaves you wondering what could possibly be wrong with me.
Karolina responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 3:21 pm #
Thanks, Kate! That does clarify a bit, and it reminds me of my own attitude towards religion (though I still think I believe in God). Would you be interested in discussing it via e-mail?
Kate responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 3:25 pm #
@Karolina
Happy to! Email me whenever you want.
Iris responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 4:42 pm #
Being contradictory IS kind of sexy. I’ve also loved the different aspects of my personality that don’t add up to fit in any box. And love this post! I think you’re awesome. 🙂 And I wear an apron when I’m baking too…I make a mess!
Israeli Women responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 6:24 pm #
Contradiction is super sexy. And, hey, I’d like to get an apron, too.
mlvlnd responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 6:34 pm #
Your posts are consistently awe-some, … I bleach my baker’s apron weekly, … without it I’d be wearing the kitchen!
Kelley responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 6:43 pm #
Love the post, love cake, love thrift stores, love the floral print dress! You rock!
Jess responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 9:47 pm #
Kate, I love this post! It’s more real than a single other thing I’ve read today. I, too, got engaged at 23 (to a then-35-year-old) and wondered if my life wasn’t going the way I’d “planned,” thank goodness it didn’t. 🙂
Christin@purplebirdblog responded on 10 Mar 2011 at 12:45 am #
I love your “I know I’m f*cking hot… what?” face. Damn. 🙂
zoe (and the beatles) responded on 10 Mar 2011 at 12:15 pm #
your dress is adorable. and i want to steal it 🙂 i always preferred eating with plastic forks too!!!! and i have no idea why.
Kate responded on 10 Mar 2011 at 12:20 pm #
@Zoe
I’m not alone! You’re the first person who’s ever told me that. Yay!
JJgal responded on 11 Mar 2011 at 3:03 pm #
“Making it work with short hair and a big nose, that’s all me.”
…and it DOES “work”. You are rockin’ it!
JJgal responded on 11 Mar 2011 at 3:04 pm #
Oh and I prefer plactic silverware for this reason – I hate, hate, hat the feeling/sound when the metal touches my teeth. *cringe and shudder*
JJgal responded on 11 Mar 2011 at 3:10 pm #
Too bad I can’t type or spell today… sorry. :^S
Kate responded on 11 Mar 2011 at 3:27 pm #
@JJgal
Re:plastic forks
Exactly.
Meow responded on 11 Mar 2011 at 4:08 pm #
So you are human, is that what you are saying? Humans are inherently contradictory. It’s a hippie dress – aren’t those made for over-educated Jewish girls (I say that bc I am one as well)? That dress + your hair your nose = perfect (otherwise you wouldn’t have bought it, amirite?); it’s a whole 70s Judy Blume vibe.
Kate responded on 11 Mar 2011 at 4:13 pm #
@Meow
Well, I guess everything I’m saying can be summarized that way. But it’s much more fun to write the pieces 🙂
And I appreciate the compliment– but no, I definitely didn’t think that when I bought the dress. I hoped it would look good. I suspected it wouldn’t. And I bought it anyway.
Body Loving Blogosphere 03.13.11 | medicinal marzipan responded on 13 Mar 2011 at 10:05 am #
[…] Eat the Damn Cake, So Smokin’ Contradictory […]
Dali responded on 15 Mar 2011 at 11:23 pm #
AH! Kate! I love your haircut!! You look wonderful.
As for those contradictions you speak of, honey, I have plenty myself. However, I would say, that maybe we should start to view different things/occurences/actions in our lives less rigidly. When we start to view life as something binary, something categorized it’s definitely not as fun. This way, I don’t think of myself as a walking contradiction, but as a mere human who has the right to change her mind as frequently as she wants. 🙂
Eat the Damn Cake » Lady Gaga and my mother in law responded on 07 Apr 2011 at 11:53 am #
[…] that make people a little uncomfortable or confused. The ones you don’t see on TV very much. I have those and I fight […]