A sudden change of sky
That’s it. I’m moving to the Bahamas. It just snowed. These fat, confused flakes slipped out of the clouds and tried to pass my window as quickly as possible. I think they were embarrassed.
I’m sorry to talk about the weather, but it was so warm a few days ago that I realized I’d had seasonal depression for like four months. I mean, I didn’t know that I did at the time. I was walking around like, “My life is strangely tragic. But I don’t know why. Maybe I need more pizza.” And then it was warm and I burst out of my apartment building, singing, my arms flung out, skipping down the sidewalk, scattering flower blossoms in my wake.
No, actually, I walked outside and started grinning like a maniac. And some people looked at me and wondered if I was someone they should hate for recently winning the Powerball or pity for being emotionally unstable. They probably settled on pity, but I didn’t stop to check. The world was my oyster. I’ve always liked that expression. Oysters are so gross inside.
(my legs being happy on a park bench, on the really warm day last week.)
(the rest of the bench. in case you were wondering what it looked like)
I suddenly remembered that Manhattan in the spring is the best thing ever.
(proof of life!)
Do you ever have a moment where you’re like, “Damn it, I’m definitely an animal”? Even when you’re living in the middle of a city that can only host like three or four raccoons (who are all really talented at reading traffic patterns on Central Park West)?
I know I’m hairy, but it’s more than that. For example, to use the most awkward one, I think I chose Bear because he smelled really good. There was a little more to it. (Like him being really hairy.) Like him being ridiculously smart and mild and clever. But the man smells like my soulmate.
I’m trying to think of another example, but the sky is distracting me. I’m a little bitter. I feel a little betrayed.
I’m going to order some pizza and hang out on the Official Bahamas Tourism Portal for a while. Until I get my act together and can be a person again.
* * *
Un-roast: Today I love my thighs. I want to write a post about them, and I think I’ll do that soon.
P.S. When I was in Riverside Park the other day, taking photos of tiny flowers and sitting on a bench in the sun, I saw some people who appeared to be playing Quidditch. I don’t really remember the rules of the game, but I seem to remember something about flying broomsticks. The people in the park didn’t have any of these, so I can’t be sure. But it was one of those, “Oh, New York City, what will you think of next?” moments. Which I always appreciate.
Kate on March 21st 2011 in Uncategorized
Ilana responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 12:08 pm #
Grass is always greener, I suppose. Here in New Orleans it’s getting all sticky and gross again, as it does 75% of the year, so the snow flakes don’t sound all that bad to me! But I do remember when I lived in Seattle for a year, I too missed the sunshine.
And your thighs do look really great in that photo you took on the bench, and I’m sure all of the time 🙂
Elizabeth responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 12:44 pm #
I am with you on the snow flakes…very disappointing! I write to you from Ottawa so, I should have a better attitude, having grown up here in Eastern Ontario. Its funny how happy I am to see snow flakes in December! ;.) BTW-I’ve been following you a little while. I really like your style of writing. Keep up the great work!
Tempest responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 12:50 pm #
In defiance of the forecast, I wore my new open-toe nude lattice sandals. TAKE THAT SNOW! It’s SPRING!
Gaby responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 1:12 pm #
come visit me!! We’re about ready for pool time here. Spring in Houston is incredible. 70 degrees and sun and flowers and outdoor concerts and performances, and bike riding, and drinks on outdoor patios. I’ve totally experienced a spring awakening these last few weeks. I like to spin around singing the hills (flatlands of houston) are alive!!!! Maybe I’ll even cut my hair, though not that short. You would be perfect for The Sound of Music part! Plus you actually sing.
Ok that got off topic really fast.
I’ll have too much work to go to NY like I had planned this next week :\ but that just further reinforces that you have to come visit, and I suggest you do it before we hit the baking cookies on car dashboards temperatures.
I unroast to my arms because they’re still a bit twiggy but my lifting little weights in my apartment gym once a week is giving them serious definition and I feel really strong. They’re like Michelle Obama arms but paler, but still hot! And I even wore a strappy tank top out yesterday even though I’m usually too self conscious and ridiculously covered up even in hot weather. I’m feeling better about myself. Still working on those shorts….but yes, my muscly arms are coming out of hiding. Do not be afraid!
Kate responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 1:31 pm #
@Gaby
You are way too cute. Now I want to both visit you and sing, “The hills are alive with the sound of music!!”
So jealous that you have an apartment gym.
B1 responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 2:57 pm #
I woke up to cold rain this morning. I just wanted to sleep the rest of the day in bed, but alas, work is a must to pay the piper of my life. {{{heavy sigh}}}
Un-roast – I like way I feel all toasty under a down blanket in cold weather and enjoy laying in a sunny spot, like a cat, in the summer.
Chloe responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 3:21 pm #
Were you in Riverside Park circa 100th Street? That’s totally my ‘hood and I run there all the time. The Quidditch players have been there for a couple years now, and they DEFINITELY take it seriously. Once my dog decided she wanted to join the game and they were not amused. I seriously got death stares because I happened to let my pup frolick a bit!
Kate responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 3:23 pm #
@Chloe
Yes!! And that’s hilarious.
Gillian responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 3:30 pm #
You have another Ottawa reader here who is equally depressed about the snow. I keep looking out my window wanting to cry. UGH. It had JUST melted. It was WARM. I need a drink.
Dana Udall-Weiner responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 4:42 pm #
Snow in the springtime feels like such a betrayal. Luckily we are dry here, but the winds are a-kicking. And often in these Rocky Mountains, snow will stop by for a last minute visit in April. Even May. Which is so upsetting. But at least we get to see some budding flowers first.
And LOVE that you gave an un-roast to your thighs–such a tortured and abused part of the body.
Serena responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 5:03 pm #
When I was little I seemed to accept myself as an animal – albeit an ice cream eating, clothes wearing, book reading animal – as an inherent, integral fact…
…but as I’ve grown I’ve slowly slipped away from that peaceful content connectedness.
More recently, I’ve been having “epiphany” type moments…where I realize how I am so affected by the weather, plane trips, a long car ride, etc. I keep having – When it boils down to it, everything is just BIOLOGY> WUT moments.
And I’m starting to accept it.
It’s kind of amazing.
Megan responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 9:58 pm #
I one-hundred-percent hold this entry to be my own personal truth! This past week, as I spent every sunshine-y hour possible outside in a sundress, smelling like sunscreen, I realized I, too, was experiencing seasonal depression. I went from walking around unsure of why my shoulders slouched to eating a bowl of strawberries on a lounge chair and thinking I had the best life. And then the weather betrayed me!! What is this?? I am wearing boots and a scarf indoors right now…again I say, what is this???
MarieElizabeth responded on 21 Mar 2011 at 10:06 pm #
I’m ignoring the fact that they have snow in the forecast for Thursday. It’s spring darn it and I’m ready to move on. As for the seasonal affect issues – they are so real and difficult to explain to folks who don’t get 4 months of blah. Embrace the giddiness of spring.
Ashley @ Nourishing The Soul responded on 22 Mar 2011 at 12:09 am #
The weather plays some serious tricks on us! I’m with you on the recognizing the seasonal depression. It’s back to the gloom and doom for a bit longer, it seems.
Stephanie responded on 22 Mar 2011 at 7:31 am #
I laughed when I read about the confused, embarrassed snowflakes. So funny! If it snows anytime soon, I’m pretty sure I’ll have to fight back tears. This year’s winter was TOUGH.