How to do nothing (and do it well)
I don’t feel like doing anything. And, of course, I have five hundred things to do. Things that left undone will probably topple my career, gnaw several of my dreams in half, and begin to erode my closest relationships. For example, one of my closest friends and I are sort of almost fighting. Sort of. Almost. I was hurt. I wrote her this note, and then she wrote me this letter, explaining, and then I…didn’t write her back. Because. Because I have a really good reason. I don’t know what to say. I’m flagrantly non-confrontational sometimes. And I’m hoping that is the first time in the history of the English language that those two words have been used together.
I read a blog post about blogging. Did you know there are entire PEOPLE who make careers out of blogging about blogging? They hang out on ProBlogger. I am even friends with one of them. Her name is Annabel Candy (I’m not even going to get into how much I wish my last name was candy. Kate Candy…It has a certain…subtle flair… a Je ne sais quoi*), and she has lived just about everywhere in the world. She wrote a book about blogging, too.
Anyway, the post about blogging told me that there are certain posts of mine that no one will ever comment on or tweet. These are posts that don’t involve action. They have a topic, and maybe I care about the topic, but I haven’t explored the topic enough. For example, I write about how one should take out the garbage, but I don’t in fact take out the garbage and provide personal insight from the experience and guidelines based on what went wrong, what went right, and what I’d do in the future, when I next take the garbage out.
The post also said I should eliminate anything that’s non-essential. And that I should make my life sound exciting. This is hard, but not completely impossible.
(me doing nothing)
The thing is, I don’t feel like doing anything. My brain is not interested in being creative or clever or doing anything that resembles work. I slept through my alarm this morning, and my devious, sly brain fed me some BS in the form of a dream about how Bear had completed all of my assignments for today already. And he had done them so well that I could send them off without even proofreading. That is BLATANT MANIPULATION. Bear was at the office. I can’t believe I fell for it, even when I was asleep.
But back to making this an active post about my exciting life.
How to Do Nothing: An Instructive Guide
1. Put the work that you have to do in piles or in a to-do list. Arrange it neatly.
When I did this, I felt like I had accomplished something that was similar to my work, because it was so obviously related to my work. I then separated the piles into smaller piles and made a second to-do list. Which was exciting because I wrote in the biggest handwriting I could. This is an experiment I haven’t tried since I was a child, and it made me reminisce. The funny thing is, writing in gigantic letters doesn’t really lend itself to clarity. You would think that it does. But it’s actual distracting. So don’t make the mistake that I did!
2. Focus on your stomach until you detect hunger. It will be there if you focus for long enough. If you feel hungry, you should eat. You don’t want to go hungry, after all.
I have become adept at this on the days when I feel like only nothing will satisfy me. When I’m productive and smart and worthwhile and more alive, I am too busy to eat constantly. I don’t even think of it. I don’t remember that I’m hungry until I’m, well, actually hungry. But after challenging myself to experience hunger more frequently than is in fact humanly possible, I can say without hesitation that it can happen. And when it does, don’t eat carrot sticks. Eat something greasy.
3. Ignore something important.
You won’t truly be pushing yourself to the limits of doing nothing until you are messing something up. A deadline, perhaps. I, for example, am supposed to be researching a piece that I will pitch to the New York Times. But I’m scared of the New York Times. And yesterday I pitched a smaller piece to them, anyway, so I feel like I’ve done something towards the bigger piece, even though I haven’t. I was supposed to start this project last week.
4. Ignore someone important.
This is the natural complement to my third suggestion. People and relationships take up time and energy. You can’t, I’ve found, do nothing and have great relationships simultaneously for any substantial period of time.
I have not responded to my longest-enduring friend’s letter for over a week. For the first few days, I was trying to decide what to say in return. I knew I had to be careful and sensitive and I wanted to get it right. For the next few days I was incredibly busy, doing actual work (remarkable, right?). And then I repressed the thought of the letter, because I decided I had no idea where to begin. I pretended it didn’t exist. This is thrilling, really, because it creates conflict that has the potential to really upset everybody. I learned an important lesson: respond to the letter immediately, before your brain can trick you into doing nothing. Once you’ve already done nothing for a long time, it’s a lot more awkward.
5. Let little things build up.
This is critical to doing nothing. You can’t just not do big, important things. You have to commit yourself to neglecting the little, basic functions of life, too. The laundry in the basement. The recycling by the door. I have left the same shirt on the floor by my dresser for nearly three days now. I have no intention of picking it up any time soon. Living in chaos and clutter reminds you that you are doing nothing. It makes the nothingness real, visceral. There’s always a chance you’ll get picked for a reality show if you do this long enough. “Hoarders”. Or “Total Slobs” (believe me, it’s in the works. How could it not be?). That would be exciting.
6. Get overwhelmed.
I accomplished this by looking at a map of Sweden. Last night, Bear was at the gym, and I was clicking through Freshome, giggling in delight at the fantastically careless copy and the glorious contemporary glass houses (I love them!) that I will never have. And one of them was in this city I’d never heard of, so I looked it up, and it was in Sweden. And then I was looking at a map of Sweden, and the country was much bigger than I’d expected, and it was full of little twinkling cities, and it occurred to me that lots of people live there who I will never meet, and I felt sad and overwhelmed by how enormous the world is and how small and ineffectual I am. The city was called Lorensberg, by the way.
When you’re overwhelmed, you can’t get anything done. You have to just sit and stare at something and think about the futility of action. So I did that. Which counts, I believe, as an action.
(Doing nothing can be dangerous. Like those pants.)
* * *
Un-roast: Today I love my chin. The way it feels when I touch it. Yes, I am sitting here touching my chin. It feels strong, which is interesting, because it doesn’t look particularly strong.
*I hear this isn’t an actual phrase in French. It’s reserved exclusively for those of us English-speakers who want to found fancy once in a while. Which I do. Because I’m pretty fancy.
Kate on March 23rd 2011 in Uncategorized
dharmagirl responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 12:12 pm #
yeah, i read that article too and figured that much of my blog was therefore crap, since reflection often doesn’t equal action. c’est la vie. thanks for a humorous, honest, and reflective post:)
amy responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 12:26 pm #
I love that you are human and that you always make the rest of us acknowledge that we are, too.
Emmi responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 12:26 pm #
I so relate to your dream. Frequently in the morning I will wake up 10-15 minutes before my alarm is set to go off, and I’ll doze back off only to dream that I’ve gotten up and am going about my morning routine. Then my alarm jolts me awake and I get annoyed. I just did all that! Now I have to do it AGAIN? Why couldn’t I have dreamt of puppies and kitten and things other than blowing my nose and brushing my teeth and sitting on the bog?
I love doing nothing, except I suck at it. I always feel pressed to multitask.
P.S. better late than never.
Megs responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 12:58 pm #
Thrilling! Thanks to this post I have just discovered that I have excelled at doing nothing my entire life! I have found my calling.
Thank you. You give me purpose.
Kate responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 12:58 pm #
@Megs
LOL!
So glad I could of service.
Kelli responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 1:03 pm #
Wow,,,, Those could have been MY WORDS. Well except for the New York times pitch. Sitting here literally staring at the computer feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed to the point of – can’t start anything as far as work goes. (When you’re overwhelmed, you can’t get anything done. You have to just sit and stare at something and think about the futility of action. So I did that. Which counts, I believe, as an action.)THANKS for that! And for pointing out the little things being neglected. *as I look around my desk at all the piles of little things, I could walk into the other room to see those “little things” too, but would rather just sit here and stare at the computer and your dangerous pants on the railroad tracks.
Kelli responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 1:07 pm #
P.S.
Blah blah blah on the blog posts about blogging. JUST WRITE! We love your blogs just the way they are!
Kate responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 1:10 pm #
@Kelli
Re:P.S. Aww!!! Thank you! You made me happy. Now I will get something done.
I wonder whatever happened to those pants…
Natalie responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 1:18 pm #
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE.
gosh! i love your blog!
this post makes me feel better and less crazy. not that you’re crazy mind you, only me. because, well, that’s how my mind works.
my one suggestion for getting through the “coasting” phase…go for a walk. for whatever reason, walking or running or biking or something that resembles movement and not staring at some type of glowing rectangle all day, makes me feel productive and want to do things.
poet responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 1:52 pm #
Guidelines or not, I enjoy basically everything you write. This was another great and witty post. I hope you sort things out with your friend… Oh, and those pictures are kind of scary, I hope that railroad track isn’t being used any more!
Tids responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 2:01 pm #
Crap. I just did the dishes, hoovered and picked up a pair of shoes that I have been stepping over and ignoring for the last week…. Knew I should have caught up with my blog reading FIRST…….
Kate responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 2:05 pm #
@Tids
ALWAYS read my blog first. I’m glad you learned this very important lesson. Who knows what I might say next? It could be LIFE SAVING.
Alexis responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 2:36 pm #
Great post! Your writing is insightful, truthful, and funny. Thank you for sharing your instructive guide on doing nothing. You have a new fan 🙂
ps. found your blog through your article on “Manning Up” on mydaily.com (sent to me by my mother, of course.)
Liz Nord responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 3:44 pm #
I know how you feel. I have done almost nothing all week and that is so not like me at all. My “excuse” is sick kids at home, and now I’m sick. I have to have an illness as an excuse to slow down and do nothing. I don’t even know how to relax, unless I’m on vacation, but even then, I am doing something—because if I don’t, I start feeling anxious. “I must produce!” “I must keep moving.” “If not moving, must be consuming information and expanding my mind.” Maybe it’s wrapped up in my feelings of self-worth, perfectionist tendencies (that never equate to being even close to perfect or even exceptional), or maybe I just have excessive pent up energy that needs to be used up in order to feel calm (except when sick). Oh, I’m blabbing now…
Good luck with your friend. I’m sure you two will work it out. 🙂
Oh, and, nice pants!
Michelle responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 3:53 pm #
Doing Nothing is the key to a well lived life. I love your blog…… infact I am planning on taking pics of girls eating cake this Friday at my daughters 13th Bday- how is that for a great message all while you are doing nothing!!
Kate responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 3:57 pm #
@Michelle
Please send the photos my way! I’d love to share them!
Chris Stedman responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 4:06 pm #
I loved this post. The pictures were a great touch. You’re my hero, Kate!
Jamillah responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 6:01 pm #
I heart your blog just the way it is. It really always makes me feel like I’m not crazy all by myself. DON’T LISTEN TO BLOGGY ARTICLES! – PLEASE 🙂
P.S.-1, 2, and 6 I totally live everyday.
Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 7:05 pm #
Hi Kate, lol, love this and love all the comments too. See how everyone loves reading what you write!
It’s okay to do nothing (aka procrastinate). I did it for roughly 16 years and it was excellent. You can unwittingly gather some great writing material from doing zip. Enjoy!
But please force yourself to pitch the big piece to the NY Times so more people can enjoy your fab writing. And maybe just call your friend and say hi, I’m busy right now but I value your friendship let’s go out for a drink next month. Get it off your mind and see where it goes in the future.
And please please please get off those railway tracks!!
Jamillah, please let Kate read my blog just sometimes. I’m not one of THOSE blogging bloggers:)
PS. So happy to be your friend but for the record I don’t actually make a fulltime living from blogging about blogging. But I am making money because people like my writing and want to hire me as their web designer/copy writer because of that. Yay!
But blogging is one of my fave topics to blog about! I wish everyone would blog. And I wish we could get together and have a chat about it all day Kate. That would be fabulous, we’ll make it happen sometime:)
Kate responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 7:09 pm #
@Annabel
LOL! Great to have you over here! I’d love to hang out sometime and talk blogging and life. Whenever you’re in New York or I’m in Australia…
And I promise that I’m nowhere near the tracks now.
And don’t worry, I couldn’t stop pitching pieces if I tried. I’d hate myself. It’s an illness.
jen responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 7:57 pm #
I love that last photo. Also, commenting just to be contrary. =D
Ashley responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 9:34 pm #
On a post about procrastinating, I think this is the perfect website to procrastinate with:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/10/god-of-cake.html
Plus there’s the whole cake thing that fits right in:)
Andrea Owen responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 11:00 pm #
Parallel universe. My to-do list is so long that I didn’t even make one. It involves blogging, vlogging, mothering 2 toddlers, entrepreneurship, garage sale, oh….and moving my family across 3 states in less than a month. And I’m doing nothing. I’ve given up on finding out the “why”…..I just don’t give a shit.
Thanks for being so open 🙂
Mandy responded on 24 Mar 2011 at 1:43 pm #
Regarding #3…
It’s truly amazing how much you can get done when you are avoiding some other unpleasant chore. I’ve been known to make huge strides on getting my taxes done when putting off cleaning the bathroom…
Un-roast: I love how green my eyes look when I’m wearing red.
Jamillah responded on 25 Mar 2011 at 2:07 am #
Hahahahahaha! @ Annabelle- oh ok, fine 🙂 I actually do wish everyone would blog too!!! I want to know all the secrets 🙂 and the act of sharing is so my favorite. BUT! I want them all to have blogs that are all them.
Seriously, the comments are always so great here. LOVES.
Alli Rense responded on 25 Mar 2011 at 10:08 am #
Great article, and love your blog. I love doing nothing. I find it’s best to do after cleaning, because usually I will find myself thinking, “oh, I can’t possibly do anything productive while it’s such a mess!” so then I clean, and once it’s clean I’m done doing anything productive and will happily do nothing for the rest of the day.
Roxanne responded on 25 Mar 2011 at 5:09 pm #
Kate, I felt so nervous looking at you on the train tracks! When I want to do nothing, I also ignore close friends. I sign out of MSN, and facebook, and don’t talk to anyone for a while. Then the next time I talk to them is always a little bit more exciting. 🙂