Get lost, weight loss ads! I will never surrender!

We can all agree, of course, that it’s pretty clear that when a young woman writes about body image, what she really means is that she hopes to lose weight. No matter what else she claims, no matter how happy she sounds about her various satisfyingly squishy parts, she is secretly hoping to lose weight.

I mean, if she’s not, then what’s the point? It gets too complicated. It’s anyone’s guess.

This blog is now big enough that  I can sign up with an ad hub and attract paying advertisers. So I did that, feeling very cool about myself (this was before the chocolate milk incident).

The way it works is advertisers have to select the blogs that they want to work with from a list that includes stats and basic info. When they make their choice, a query is sent to the blog manager, with the option to accept or refuse the ad campaign.

And all I do is refuse (accept for that one with the earrings).

Because all they are is weight loss ads.

(a bagel with cream cheese, lox, and sable)

And of course they are. This is a blog written by a woman, for (in large part) other women (I know you’re reading too, guys. You can stay), and about (to an extent) beauty and body image. When women get together and form little communities to talk about beauty, love, sex, body image, and life, they look, at least to the popular consumer, like Glamour Magazine. When we focus more on our bodies they look, most recognizably, like Self or Fitness. They address weight loss casually, incessantly. “10 New Lb Shedding Tips You Must Memorize Before Bikini Season.” Lists of dieting rules are being thrown at our heads and our stomachs. Promises with exclamation points spatter the subway walls and gesture wildly at us from the sides of our laptop screens.

LOSE TWENTY LBS IN TWO WKS! Get harder abs and less flab w/ 3 quick workout moves!  This pill works better than the surgery! Lose the weight without losing your favorite foods!


According to the information we’re bombarded with, fitness is more about losing weight than being healthy. Eating healthy is more about losing weight than being healthy. Being young and beautiful is more about being very thin than about being young and beautiful.

And as a friend of mine who works for a major women’s magazine said at dinner the other night, “Fear sells. A good title makes people scared.”

It’s easy to be scared that if you aren’t trying to lose weight, you are falling behind. You are going to be left on the ground when the sexy, thin women are lifted up to heaven in the Rapture. I mean, you weigh too much, and there’s that little thing about the limit. Like on an elevator. You’d ruin it for everyone else.

And what, by the way, about being sexy and not incredibly thin? Sometimes it doesn’t feel like an option. I mean, sure, we can point to this particular movie star, or that particular group of plus-size models, or this friend who everyone thinks is insanely hot, or whatever, but when we look around, the whole world seems to expect us to want to lose weight, before it even knows anything about us except that we’re female.


So of course the ads that come my way show images of stomach fat and stretch marks and say things like, “Need to get rid of this fast?” I’m a woman. I’m writing about my body. I’m talking about beauty. And according to most of the information out there, that means I must not only want to lose weight, but my audience must want to lose weight.

The problem is, I don’t.


And I shouldn’t feel that I should either have to or want to. My gender and my interest in self-esteem, body image, and beauty shouldn’t be enough to diagnose me as weight loss ad territory. Whoever disagrees might want to glance at the TITLE OF THIS BLOG.

Thank you for glancing.

I feel the slightest bit noble, turning down money in order to stand by my principles. OK, so not very much money, but still. I feel a little bit ready to take on the world, brandishing a slice of chocolate cake. I feel set to keep being a woman and not trying to lose weight at the same time.

And to make it even a little bit more shocking and strange, I’m planning to do that while living in Manhattan, a city where the moms with three kids at the parties I’ve been to are wearing tiny black dresses that show off their perfectly toned legs. Where so many of the successful women look a little starved and a lot in control.

I am not in control. I am figuring things out, slowly. But I don’t want my willingness to eat to become the sign of a battle being lost. Instead, it is a celebration of vitality.

Or maybe it’s just really fun.

Or maybe it’s just food.

So, no, weight loss ads. I banish thee. You suck. There are places where women can talk about their bodies and their struggles and sex and life and goals and beauty, and still eat as much cake as they’d like.

This is one of those places.

*  *  *

Un-roast: Today I love the way I can look mischievous and grownup at the same time, sometimes.

P.S. By the way, I don’t think that all women who are trying to lose weight are giving in or losing or are bad in some way. And I don’t think that all weight loss is unhealthy. That wouldn’t make any sense. I may want to lose weight myself at some point. But I don’t want to feel that I have to lose it in order to look sexier, when I am already a healthy weight. And I think it’s important that people recognize, also, that “healthy weight” doesn’t even always mean “thin.”

 

39 Comments »

Kate on March 28th 2011 in Uncategorized

39 Responses to “Get lost, weight loss ads! I will never surrender!”

  1. Twyla responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 12:13 pm #

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  2. Erin Block responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 12:15 pm #

    Wow, Kate – this hit me hard today, as I have been pondering this a lot lately. I struggled with starving myself. Not because I wanted to be thin, but because food is the one thing in my life then that I could control. “I am not in control. I am figuring things out, slowly. But I don’t want my willingness to eat to become the sign of a battle being lost. Instead, it is a celebration of vitality.” –> I am beginning to realize this and accept this.

    But, as I am gaining weight back, it is hard to “feel” the weight again, and to accept that it is HEALTHY! My boyfriend says he likes the “layer of fat.” I believe him….even when I myself don’t like it. He says I am sexier with curves…more filled out…

    THANK YOU, Kate….for writing a post I needed to read today…

  3. jane minion responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 1:11 pm #

    you can eat all you want if you choose wisely
    it is all about making wise and yummy choices..sooo….
    lose the damn weight and keep by all means keep eating!!!!

  4. Hannah responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 1:16 pm #

    Gosh. I LOVED this post. Thank you so much. It’s funny how you say those women from NYC are so “in control”–they may appear it on the outside, and they may try really hard to be in control, but I bet a lot of them actually aren’t in control at all.

  5. Marie responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    I love you Kate!

    And I echo the previous comments- it’s something I need to hear today. I’m going to try and slay my compulsive eating demons, and started on my “intuitive eating” journey today. I think on the surface, I tell myself all of the things you say in your post, but I haven’t convinced myself yet, and I don’t believe myself yet. I will someday.

  6. what katie's baking responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 1:34 pm #

    i love this post so much.
    thanks for writing it. you’re amazing!

  7. Meg responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 1:50 pm #

    Thank you for turning them down! Thank you so much for that. Good for you for putting your principles first. We appreciate it.

  8. Julie responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 2:15 pm #

    Awesome post!

  9. Clare responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 2:53 pm #

    Right on! It irritates me no end that ads “targeted” to “me” are invariably weightloss ads. Oh, except for the ones that are about having babies. Apparently the advertising demographers think that all 30-something women want to lose weight and/or have babies.

    I changed my gender on facebook because I was sick of all the ads for my age & gender saying “There is something wrong with you. Buy this.” A.) I am not trying to lose weight. B.)If I was, I wouldn’t do it by purchasing whatever snake oil scam you’re selling.

    Ads for 21-year-old males are all about playing video games and having fun. Why can’t those be for everybody?

  10. Erin Block responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 3:17 pm #

    I love the pic by pic disappearing bagel!

  11. Mandy responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 4:10 pm #

    I realized a long time ago that the goal of the advertisers was to make the subject feel as if there was something wrong with her–so that they could then sell her something that might “fix” her horrible defect(s).
    Multiply that by the numer of ads that bombard women daily through all the mediums (magazines, TV, radio, the internet, billboards, etc.) by the number of days in the week, the number of weeks in the year, and the number of years in our lives (45, in my case.) It’s an unending, relentless onslought, and it’s a wonder after all the repetition trumpeting of our supposed faults, that any of us have any self-esteem left.
    It’s why I absolutley detest the advertizing industry–at least the ones who try to sell “beauty.” They are the loathsome enemy, and I fight them in any way that I can.
    I have to counter-program myself, to the point of talking back to the ads on TV. It drives my husband crazy when I do that. I’ve tried to explain it to him, but he just doesn’t get how constant the bombardment is, and that the ads are literally attacking my integrity and sense of self.
    I like to think I have a pretty healthy self-esteem, and great self-confidence–and I do. But I had to fight for them both. I still do.
    And the fact that I have to be this vigilant, cynical and guarded REALLY ticks me off.
    And I’m really scared for the generations following mine.
    Your blog gives me hope, Kate. Thank you for sticking to your principles.

  12. Kate responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 4:36 pm #

    @Mandy
    I like how you used the word “attacking.” Sometimes, that’s exactly how it feels. Keep talking back!

  13. Erika @ Health and Happiness in LA responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 4:53 pm #

    YEAH! As an actress, I feel this, too. I’ve noticed that I’m not “TV skinny” — but I don’t want to be, and I don’t understand why I’m supposed to want it. Why is it a cultural assumption that all women want to be super skinny?

  14. Liz Nord responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 4:58 pm #

    I just have to add that I’m also tired of all the other “fix yourself”, “be more beautiful”, “you’ll feels so amazing if you get this or that procedure done” ads. I wrote a post about it yesterday with a powerful video clip. Our daughters might have it worse than we ever have. 🙁

    P.S. Don’t ever buy clothes from Abercrombie! Have you seen their latest ads for padded push up string bikini tops for 7-year-old girls?

  15. Harriet May responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 5:03 pm #

    I want to lose weight. But I was still eating cheese and chocolate as I read this.

  16. Holly responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 5:58 pm #

    AH-men and love.

  17. Jewel of Toronto responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 6:48 pm #

    Way to go!!!!

  18. E responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 7:15 pm #

    You rock, Kate. I hate those ridiculous weight loss ads — even if one does want to lose weight, “this one weird old tip” from all those ads isn’t the way to go. And I love what you say about being thin being more important than anything else. I have friends who are fit, athletic, and ridiculously strong and not at all thin, and other friends who have probably never seen the inside of a gym and are super skinny. I always try to be healthy, but it’s just for that reason — to be healthy.

    Thanks for this post. Keep being amazing!

  19. Yan responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 7:55 pm #

    And this is why you have enough readers to be interesting to advertisers. Sad that advertisers think women are so one-note, though.

  20. The Dame responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 8:06 pm #

    Love love love this post so much! And I LOVE how you did the pictures 😀 This is so true for us all. Im all about being healthy, not skinny.

  21. Bianca responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 8:27 pm #

    Hi what is sable??

  22. Kate responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 10:19 pm #

    @Bianca
    It’s a kind of fish. I don’t know very much about it. I got it at a Jewish deli, where most of the fish are smoked and largely unrecognizable. It’s delicious.

  23. bethany actually responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 10:20 pm #

    This is awesome. I think I love the photos of the disappearing food most! 🙂 Very cheeky.

  24. Kate responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 10:21 pm #

    And thanks everyone for the compliments on the photos!! I’m trying hard to think of clever shots to take, and I’m always sort of disproportionately pleased when I come up with something decent 🙂

  25. Jak responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 10:39 pm #

    Thank you so freaking much. I’m so freaking sick of all of these ads slamming into me over and over again all day. It reminds me of reading in the “Beauty Myth” (I think) how all female-oriented magazines say the same thing in every issue, across magazines. Men’s magazines reflect all of the different interests they can have (well, not all, but that’s another problem that needs addressing).

    Thank you for being a rock in the middle of a storm.

  26. Jak responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 10:40 pm #

    Also, I’m going to go get a piece of delicious chocolate cake I have leftover from a party. Because it is awesome.

  27. Serena responded on 28 Mar 2011 at 11:00 pm #

    It truly frightens me how susceptible everyone is to “the fear”. Even me. The other day (yesterday) I got on the scale. Fear, fear, fear swirling in my stomach as I see, to my horror, 15 extra pounds that had seemed to magically pop up in less than a month. Shock horror sadness. I wanted to cry. Honestly. I hated feeling so helpless about it all. I am not fat by any standards and yet I was so traumatized by a silly little electronic number. What gives?

  28. betsycontent responded on 29 Mar 2011 at 8:16 am #

    kate, i think you’re fabulous! i’ve maintained a bbw website since 1996, and agree with you completely. i’ve added you to my favorite blogs. 🙂

  29. Jess responded on 29 Mar 2011 at 9:26 am #

    I get weight-loss and dating website ads. Thanks y’all, but no thanks.

    Love the post! 😀

  30. Emily responded on 29 Mar 2011 at 12:34 pm #

    Another amazing post!

  31. Anna responded on 29 Mar 2011 at 1:30 pm #

    yaay! stand up and cheer, everyone. thanks for making your blog a haven for all of us so tired of those ‘the one big secret to a toned tummy!’ ads. and if any advertisers are reading this, i will never, EVER click on them and i bet no one else here will either.

  32. Kate responded on 29 Mar 2011 at 3:59 pm #

    BRAVO. A celebration of vitality indeed! Just love this post.

  33. Lynn responded on 29 Mar 2011 at 10:19 pm #

    Bravo, Indeed!!!!

  34. nova responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 2:22 am #

    Nah, you know, I don’t really care either. I’m not like, fat fat but I’m also not thin. And whatever. Who cares? The only time it bothers me is when I’m surrounded by people who say mean things about me or people who look like me.

  35. Sooz responded on 31 Mar 2011 at 8:54 pm #

    Wow. This really hit home for me. My own husband has said I’m not as attractive to him now b/c I’ve put on weight. And it really pissed me off. I don’t think I should be judged by my body size. Then, as I was reading your post, I realized that I judge myself by all the crazy rules that are around me. I am deciding that I am unattractive because of what others say is attractive instead of what I think is. Except since I was young, I never really made my own definition. My definition comes from others. That’s so WRONG. I need to figure out my own idea about beauty. I can never be a thin, athletic, sexy woman. But I can be my own version of beautiful. Say a prayer that some day soon I can figure that out. 🙂

  36. Links I Loved This Week! | The Dame responded on 01 Apr 2011 at 3:48 pm #

    […] at Eat The Damn Cake writes a great article on how we view weight loss and our […]

  37. ~moe~ responded on 04 Apr 2011 at 3:00 pm #

    I love this line: “I am not in control. I am figuring things out, slowly. But I don’t want my willingness to eat to become the sign of a battle being lost. Instead, it is a celebration of vitality.”

    This is one of the reasons the weight loss ads are so popular – they provide a possibility for women to be in control (so they think). The fact that you willingly and purposely reject those ads does mean you have control. And enjoying food it also a good thing. That’s why God created it! Nourishment and joy = two things I think of when I eat. If I don’t like it, I won’t eat it because there is no joy.

    Thank you for this article. Thank you.

  38. Kate responded on 05 Apr 2011 at 1:48 pm #

    @Sooz
    I’m so sorry that you have to deal with that. And please please please make your own definition. And then share it. We need new definitions. The old ones hurt.

  39. Rebecca responded on 27 Apr 2011 at 4:36 pm #

    I also changed my gender to “undisclosed” on Facebook.
    ALL of the ads were about weight loss
    weight loss
    weight loss.

    And boy,
    that’s a great idea for a woman in recovery from a ten-year eating disorder to see every day.

    Thank you so much for not allowing those ads on your site–thank you, Kate.

    And?

    That bagel looks deeeelicious.

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