Older women with eating disorders
I’m angry at my body. Yesterday, it got sick, and its timing is terrible. Bear and I are going to California on Friday, and I don’t understand why my body can’t be more respectful of our schedule. You know that feeling when you start to get sick at a point on your calendar when you absolutely can’t afford to get sick? It’s this helpless, desperate, trapped sense. It happened to me when I had a vocal audition for music school that I’d spent months preparing for. It happened the day before Yom Kippur, when I knew I’d have to stand up in front of the congregation the next day and sing for, hmm…about eight hours.
In my body’s defense, it did conveniently catch the swine flu during finals in grad school. I had to be quarantined and all of my professors begged me not to ever come near them again. All of my tests were take-homes.
Anyway, this whole being sick thing is interrupting everything. I was doing great with the creative photos. I was getting a lot of work done. I had not had to cancel any meetings.
And by this afternoon, I’m determined to be back on track.
But since the only thing that’s happened to me (other than dragging myself out to hear Paul Krugman speak last night) recently is being sick and thinking about being sick, I’d like to direct your attention instead to this New York Times article about older women and eating disorders.
When you think of someone with an eating disorder, it’s easy to imagine a young woman. Unless you live in Manhattan. But even then, it’s easier to imagine a young woman. There’s a particular tragedy that surrounds the self-harm of a lovely woman in what should be the bloom of her youth.
(source)
There’s this cognitive dissonance that the media so often finds pleasing. And besides, eating disorders are still new additions to our great cultural hive-mind awareness. (What am I writing? Terrible sci fi?) It was a big enough deal to learn that young women suffered from them, but older women? You can just see the doctors shaking their heads, tsking, and asking one another in low tones, “Aren’t they supposed to have gotten over all that by now?”
I don’t see why. I mean, I hope to have solved ALL of my problems by the time I’m forty or so. I’d also like to own a house on a cliff that overlooks the Pacific, with entire walls made out of glass and a bed that’s hollowed out of the wooden floor like a nest, full of downy blankets, with a telescope that rolls over it, and a skylight without a pane that opens on the universe. But. Y’know, you can’t always get what you want.
And emotional health is one of those very, very tricky, slippery things that is probably even harder to maintain than the glass house after a toddler smushes its little face against every surface.
Is it really so shocking that older women have eating disorders, too? The New York Times seems to expect its readers to be shocked. It mentions that this is new. These numbers are higher than ever before.
Maybe women are telling people more than ever before? Maybe doctors are catching up and catching on? Maybe our culture is more weight and exercise obsessed than it used to be? Maybe there is more emphasis on the importance of looking thin and young and sexy when you’re an older woman than there used to be?
I don’t know. I’m sure there are a lot of reasons, none of which can fully describe any individual’s experience. The common tie seems to be a desire to exert control when things are falling apart. When there’s a divorce. When things change suddenly in a way you don’t quite understand.
Life is scary. I’d like to imagine that in twenty years or so, I won’t be scared anymore. I’ll know exactly what I want. I’ll know my own mind so well. I’ll have gotten the hard stuff out of the way. As though my life now is just a trial run for my life then.
But that’s not the way life works. It’s never done with the surprises.
So maybe we shouldn’t be surprised. Maybe we should just be supportive.
* * *
Un-roast: Today I love my immune system (I know you can get through this, baby. Come on. I believe in you.)
P.S. For Virginia’s take on the article, check out her Never Say Diet piece. I just noticed that we picked the same topic today. We’re cool like that.
Kate on March 30th 2011 in Uncategorized
Erin Block responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 12:44 pm #
“The common tie seems to be a desire to exert control when things are falling apart.” — Wow. Yes. Right on, Kate.
Hope your immune system feels the love and kicks you into feeling better soon!
Cheers,
Erin
Liz responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 1:14 pm #
So true. Great post.
Hannah responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 1:19 pm #
Thank you for responding to the article-I hope to read it soon. It does seem surprising to many, but no matter what age you are, if there are problems unresolved or a desire for a sense of control over oneself or one’s life, then ED’s can arise.
Angela responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 1:25 pm #
I was 14 when I first developed anorexia, and would tend to relapse whenever there was a signifigant change in my life. I’m 44, and the latest set back is my husband being diagnosed with a brain tumor. I’m terrified of losing him, and being alone to finish raising our 4 sons. I’m not at all surprised that older women would develope eating disorders. There are many traumatic events that can happen in the older years. Thanks for this post:)
Kate responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 1:29 pm #
@Angela
Oh my god. I am so incredibly sorry to hear that you and your husband have to deal with something that terrifying. I want to ask you a million questions about how he’s doing, but I’ll just leave it at this: I really really really hope that he will recover completely and your lives will go on together the way they were.
Meri responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 1:36 pm #
Thanks for the link, and you are right, I think this is a side of the coin we don’t see very often. The media loves to sort of “glamourize” (gross, but true) young women or models with eating disorders, but sort of downplays the older, or larger sized, or male side of the eating disorder.
Any way you look at it, it’s another disorder that doesn’t just magically go away with age.
And I’m pretty impressed with my immune system too- I kicked the flu’s butt in one day last summer!
Kellie responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 1:48 pm #
“Today I am thankful for muscles that have memory… now it won’t take me so long to get back into shape.”
Confession: I am that soon to be 45 year old with eating disorder.. I love eating don’t get me wrong..but upon waking it’s not the first thing I ever want to do. The idea of eating makes me feel ill… I get funny looks from guys when I say this too.
Sorry to hear you are feeling ill, some old remedies that are inexpensive and good for you: Honey is good for almost everything, from tummy aches to good skin. A teaspoon of honey eaten right off the spoon, either creamy or liquid.. (btw the creamy stuff has only been whipped) at first it feels horrible in your mouth but the nice thing about honey is you can swallow it right away and it melts as it goes down. Honey, lemon, cayenne, and some fresh ginger and a slice or raw garlic in a cup of hot water… perfect cold remedy.
Good luck in California I hope you feel better soon.
Namaste♥
Liz Nord responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 2:15 pm #
I hope you feel better quickly, Kate! I have just gone through literally sleeping or laying in my bed for the last 4 days. I’m still sick, but at least I can somewhat function now.
How did you know you had the swine flu vs. “regular” flu while you were in grad school? Did you have different symptoms? It’s going around in our community right now.
Get better!!
Kate responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 2:48 pm #
@Kellie
My mom always gave me honey, cayenne, and lemon in a spoon when my throat hurt! I didn’t know anyone else knew to do that! So awesome.
Kate responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 2:49 pm #
@Liz
I got it when it first starting going around here in NYC, and everyone was panicking. I got diagnosed. I think I was case 51 or something like that. I forget the exact symptoms, but remember there was more coughing/chest pain than I usually get. Other than that, it was the mildest flu I’ve ever had 🙂
Vickie responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 4:35 pm #
“The New York Times seems to expect its readers to be shocked. It mentions that this is new. These numbers are higher than ever before.”
Maybe the women who had eating disorders when they were young are getting older… And they still have eating disorders. I mean, I don’t think it’s something you just “grow out of” is it?
Very logical post. Hope you feel better soon!
Kate responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 4:41 pm #
@Vickie
Yes! Good point. Knew I was missing a guess…
Rachel responded on 30 Mar 2011 at 8:52 pm #
As a therapist for women with eating disorders, I not only LOVE your blog, but I LOVE when you post about eating disorders and society’s pressure to lose weight – thank you for being an advocate for loving life and loving our bodies, no matter what!