Eat the Damn Cake

Yes to nail polish on little boys

41 Responses to “Yes to nail polish on little boys”

1. Melissa responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 12:12 pm #

   We had this same discussion in my Biology of Women class on Saturday!

   If the picture had been a little girl playing trucks in the mud, would ‘they’ all be this upset? That is a distinctly “boy” thing to do?

   If the color of the nail polish was black, would ‘they’ all be this upset?

   My professor told a story about a nonfiction book that she had read pair of male penguins who were raising a baby penguin at some zoo. They partook in homosexual sex and everything.

   So – by the logic of these people – the baby penguin would gay, right? The book never said if he was or not, but he *MUST* have been, having been raised by gay penguin fathers.

   Anyway – I’m *SO FOR* this mom painting the boy’s nails *ANY* color. I look at it this way. The child is 5. Who is the child’s primary care-taker at this age? Mom. What color are mom’s toenails painted? Probably pink. So, the little boy wants to do what MOM is doing… like every child wants to!

   This topic really makes my blood boil. It points out, once again, what is SO WRONG with our world.

   My son’s favorite color happens to be red. Do you know why it’s red? It’s red because it’s one of his mom’s favorite colors, and is the favorite color of his favorite person in the world, his grandma. However, he also does distinctly boy things – he plays football at recess with a bunch of boys. He plays basketball and baseball. He loves to tease his little sister. He loves his salamander because he’s slimy. He also happens to have long hair and we’ve been known to paint his nails sometimes because he asks. He’s playing the piano and loves to dance, and play house.

   Does this mean that he’ll be gay? Well, we won’t know yet, will we? But I’m 100% certain that what we do with him will not make him gay. He was either born that way or he wasn’t.

   …

   I’m sorry I went off, Kate. This is just such a hot-button issue for me!

   — Melissa

2. ~moe~ responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 12:52 pm #

   I wonder why the outcry wasn’t happening with the Trident commercial when the sister is putting makeup on her little brother. THAT was okay, but when I a mom was painting her son’s toenails pink…then it was bad. The double standard sucks. Kudos to all the parents to let their kids be themselves.

3. Laurel responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 12:54 pm #

   Nothing to add but that you look hot in that tie!

4. Alissa responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 1:01 pm #

   Yay! So glad to see this here today (& thanks for the PS..I feel famous..LOL).

   When my son was a toddler he was always walking around the house in my shoes or his older sister’s princess shoes. Nobody thought anything of it (why would they?!) I’m sure I painted his nails once or twice while painting my daughter’s nails. Even today, at 9 years old, my daughter can occasionally talk him into dressing up as a girl for a character she needs him to be for a play she is putting on (usually she has to pay him a dollar or something ; )

   When my husband and I heard the one guest on Fox “News” saying something about the kid from the jcrew ad needing therapy later in life we both thought it was laughable. Who would have more problems later in life: a child who asked his mom to put on some nailpolish and she nonchalantly complied or a child who was forbidden from anything pink, anything “girly”, etc.?! I think that seems obvious.

   It saddens me that this is even an issue. And like you mentioned, if we WERE celebrating transgendered children, why would that be a negative thing? Whenever I see something like this it just depresses me to realize that real, educated people actually believe such things.

   Thanks for writing this..& thanks for the email reply! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blogs!

5. Megs responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 1:03 pm #

   It’s so funny that you wrote this today. I woke up this morning thinking about whether or not I would be allowed to paint my 6 month old nephews toenails when he arrives (with his mom and sister) tomorrow. I was just thinking about giving my sister and niece a pedicure and wondered…..what would happen if I painted his toenails too? Is that cruel? Inappropriate? Meaningless fun? A polish disaster waiting to happen?

6. Kerry responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 1:07 pm #

   Oh, the fun I had watching Jon Stewart take on this story last week!

   And about the whole men-in-skirts thing…I often think about why men don’t wear skirts and women pants “traditionally,” since doesn’t it really make more sense given the biological placement of body parts? Or am I nuts? 🙂

7. San D responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 1:32 pm #

   No matter what you do as a mom, innocent or not (and let me interject here I am NOT a mom), someone will take offense at sometime at something, including your kids (but boy what stories they will have!). You can’t win. Just go with it. Enjoy the moment, pink or black.

8. Erin Block responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 1:39 pm #

   The times, they are a changing…

   This is a great post. As a woman who wears a great deal of men’s flannel shirts, I appreciate this post. Why can’t it go both ways?

   Un-roast: I like how I look when I pull my arms into my sleeves, so my palms rest in the cuffs.

9. Kate responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 1:45 pm #

   @Erin
   I’ve always thought that was the cutest look in the world– palms in the cuffs.

10. B1 responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 1:50 pm #

    I found this article to be SO funny! I have very strong Christian beliefs, but for the life of me, I cannot find anything Biblical that says you cannot paint a child’s toes pink, no matter what gender. I think that little boys who explore those things, and play with dolls, learn to be great fathers who can relate to their daughters.

    Regarding the men in skirts, I enjoy men in kilts. Nothing better than going to a renaissance faire and asking a man in a kilt if you can do a kilt check because if he’s wearing anything under it, then it’s considered a skirt. 🙂

    Oh, and to explain the kilt check for any readers who don’t know what it is, all you do is basically run your hand from the back part of the knee up the back side. A rude check is when a woman just reaches in front. And you always make sure to have the permission of the lady they are with too. 😉

11. Emmi responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 2:21 pm #

    I like your alternatively tied tie better than the normally tied one. It suits you.

    I think it’s lovely that ever person has their own view on things. It keeps life interesting and beautiful, IDIC. But I have never been able to understand why on earth we all feel so compelled to impose our own opinions on everyone else. It seems totally counterintuitive. My phrasing is deliberate – I do this too, though I try to stop and catch myself wherever possible. I say hey, whatever rubs your Buddha. Enjoy yourself, so long as everyone’s a consenting adult & all. There are plenty of proclivities and preferences along those lines that I don’t organically understand, but I have never been moved to hatred and rage over them. I think it is fear that causes that. People lash out at what they fear and don’t understand. I don’t get why varied paths to happiness should be so scary, though.

    My finger-and-toenails are bright yellow at the moment, and Pac-Man has not yet shown up at my door hollering that I am going to turn into an 8-bit fruit-nomming sphere, so I suppose I’m safe enough for now. THINK OF THE CHILDREN

12. 2girlsonabench responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 2:22 pm #

    One of us used to date a guy that wore skirts in college, we thought it was cool. The other one of us works with trans folks, wishes people would get over this stuff, doesn’t hurt anyone when people paint their nails. We say wear the pink! Eat the cake! And as a side note we want that croissant you mentioned too…

13. Jo responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 2:38 pm #

    My boyfriend looks great in a dress. And yes, I did put make up on him once. Whilst I binded, dressed manly and drew some manly eyebrows on myself. It was fun.

14. Kate responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 2:47 pm #

    @Jo
    Luckily for me, I have the manly eyebrows already 🙂

15. Terri responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 2:48 pm #

    I am pretty much unbothered by challenges to gender identity, but seriously–putting any sort of chemical substance on a child’s body may not be in their best interests.

    I find too that I’m forever sorting out what sartorial choices people make for shock effect and what THEY are truly comfortable in.

    When my youngest son was 16 he work black nail polish pretty routinely. I didn’t complain, but I notice that now he chooses not to wear it. Why?

16. Becky responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 3:07 pm #

    I kind of gave up on being super ‘girly’ at a really young age. I was raised on a farm, played outside in the dirt, grew up as an artist, truck driver, and lover of lots of ‘boy’ type stuff. My husband thinks it’s awesome that I ride a motorcycle, know about car parts, can drive an 18-wheeler, but that I can still rock a dress with heals if I want to. To hell with nay-sayers.. They need to let people be who they want to be, and quit with all the judging and finger pointing. LOVE your blog, btw. I’ve been reading for a while, but this post really hit home with me so I had to comment. 🙂

    Un-roast: I love my hair short. I feel more feminine with my hair short than I ever did with it long, and my macho husband loooves it. 🙂

17. Valerie responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    This reminds me of the story of the little boy that wanted to be Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween: http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay

    Honestly, people should be worrying about stuff that matters.

    On a side note with genders in mind, I was wondering how you feel about insults toward women. So often you talk about complimenting other women and so on, but the other day I made a comment in which I stated my opinion when it comes to the treatment of animals in this country, specifically the “throw away pets” mindset and several people jumped down my throat which is not entirely the point. Point is, men AND women started referring to me as one of the numerous insults used against women (b-word, c-word, s-word, and others thought to be generally degrading based on gender) simply because I spoke my mind and stood by my opinion.

    I was kind of hoping, this being a forum of strong women, that we could tackle the underlying cause of this uncreative form of argument…as though people are actually OFFENDED by a woman stating her point (or terrified of her) and that any woman who is opinionated and strong must be horrible, miserable, and a hardcore feminist (also used as a form of insult for some reason).

    How can we, as women and even the guys who are around here (yes, I’ve seen you around! It’s awesome) combat this epidemic of putting down strong women who aren’t afraid to make themselves heard? And how can we support other women as well so that they’re not afraid to speak their minds too?

18. Hannah responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 3:27 pm #

    YES! I love this post. Especially the pics of you wearing a tie! Seriously though, why are people up in arms about a little boy in an ad wearing pink nail polish! I think it’s effing awesome!!! People need to open their minds.

19. Kate responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 3:28 pm #

    @Valerie
    That didn’t happen to you here, right?! I don’t remember anything about it, so I’m assuming you’re talking about a comment you left or made somewhere else.

    I loved the post you linked to above. Thought it was fantastic, actually.

    And I feel very strongly about insults against women. I think it’s disturbing that “feminist” sounds like an insult to so many people, and unforgivable that women with opinions are still chastised. But I also feel a little helpless in the face of it, sometimes. I can’t even read the comments people leave under my AOL pieces, because they say such cruel things about me. That’s part of why I love having my own blog, where the people who stay to read what I write tend to be kind. I can’t have a conversation that involves a lot of insults– it’s a waste of time and I’m too sensitive.

    But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about what’s behind that sort of behavior and wonder why women are still (or more so in some ways) so threatening when they speak up.

    I don’t have any answers. But I think communities like this one are really important (and not just because I’m writing this blog!!).

20. Valerie responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 4:18 pm #

    Kate,

    Of course that didn’t happen here! I think the atmosphere you’ve created on your blog is very safe and also very forward moving when it comes to deep thought about important issues which is why I felt the need to throw that example into the mix especially when we’re talking about gender bias. While a young girl may not get the same reaction from playing with trucks that a boy gets from painting nails, there is a point where the world shifts on young girls too. Where being yourself and being true to yourself and having the guts to stand up for yourself become the anti-feminine and are looked down upon.

21. jenny c. responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 5:00 pm #

    I witnessed a disturbing sight at a grocery store last weekend. A little boy about three or four years old picked up a nail polish and politely asked his mother if he could have it. She recoiled as if he was holding a snake and angrily told him,”NO! You’re a BOY! Boys do* not* wear that!” He told her” But so and so (a boy’s name) does.” She responded with, “that was only because it was halloween! That’s different! Put it DOWN.” I felt bad for the boy and happen to know my nephew had his toenails painted once, spiderman colors of red and dark blue. My neice was having hers done and he wanted it too, and my sister in law had no problem with it. It wasn’t a big deal at all and that boy in the store was so crushed and cried. It was definitely a pivotal moment for his young life.

22. Gerri responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 5:10 pm #

    Thank you for that post. I’t s nice to hear something positive on this subject for a change.

23. Kate responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 5:48 pm #

    @Jenny C
    Oh no!!! What a terrible thing. I’m sorry for that little boy. I also can’t help but imagine that that happens all the time. So I’m sorry for all the little boys it happens to.

24. Josie responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 5:49 pm #

    I have no problem with people breaking free of the rigid gender expectations set up for them in correspondence with their sex. In fact, I encourage and celebrate it. However, I reject the notion of transgenderism. Gender is a socially-constructed concept. Expression of gender is directly died to rigorous social conditioning from the time of birth. Gender is forever conflated with biological sex, but that’s simply not TRUE. If a little boy wears pink and expresses/displays other “feminine” interests/qualities, it does not mean he was born the wrong sex; it simply means he is a human being with qualities that society holds enough disdain for to deem “feminine.” But a MAB (male at birth) will never be a woman. He will never experience true female reality. To argue that he does, or will, is to enact the erasure of the female reality.

    Note that I understand transgender-identified people face discrimination, but it’s not sex-based, it’s based on others (usually men) perceptions of their sexual orientation.

    Overall, I highly agree with your post and refusing to conform to expectations on the basis of others perceptions of your gender; however, I think it should be made clear that transgender ideology does not seek to abolish gender roles but rather to enforce them, for its logic is that if a little boy displays “feminine” traits, he must not be a boy, but rather a girl, and that should a female person displayed qualities perceived by others as “masculine”, she must not be a “real” girl or woman. It’s an easy way to keep women subservient (i.e. Superior Men can’t possibly share the qualities of the womenfolk! He must be a girl!; She’s not girlie enough, therefore, she’s a man!) It’s fucked up, and I call shenanigans.

25. Amanda responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 6:26 pm #

    I love this post. I love how the only reason I know about Fox News’ hoop-la over this ad in the first place is from all the posts I’ve read talking about how ridiculous it is. One of the most endearing responses can be found here (on an all-together endearing tumblr).

    http://tomywife.tumblr.com/post/4582442954/pretty-in-pink

    This ad makes me happy. It makes me excited about one day having a child and painting his or her toes, or doing equally intimate/silly mother and child activities. And the Fox News tangent just makes me wonder who decided all these rules in the first place. It seems weird that their focus is on the color pink (rather than the nail painting in general), because as you mentioned, hasn’t pink on guys been deemed fashionable for a while now? Who decided that little boys can have their faces painted but not their toes? That little girls can wear ponytails every day but not shave their heads? That boys can do ballet – as long as it’s to help with football, and girls can play with G.I. Joe – as long as he’s marrying Barbie? It feels like the “gender rules” haven’t really changed that much – they’ve just gotten much more complicated. I guarantee that if the boy had been wearing a pink shirt and his mom was painting his face like a frog (but certainly not a butterfly) there wouldn’t be a controversy for us to discuss.

26. Kate responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 6:31 pm #

    @Amanda
    Sometimes it does feel that way– that things have gotten more complicated. But even complicating gender rules is changing them. And the truth is, things ARE different in big, obvious ways, and in plenty of little, subtle ways, too. It’s a good thing that we’ve gotten to the point where guys can wear pink and girls can play with GI Joe. It’s not done, certainly. It’s not the ultimate goal. But it’s a really important start.

27. Harriet May responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 7:04 pm #

    I am not that shocked, which is a shame, because I would like to be shocked. Why is that photo controversial? People (Fox News) are ridiculous. I liked to wear boys clothes when I was little, and I wanted to be Indiana Jones when I grew up, and I still like to wear ties sometimes (I only know how to tie one because I went to boarding school and ties were a part of our winter uniform– boys and girls). I also like to wear makeup and heels because I like to be feminine too, and I have a dog who is female named Ninja Turtle, and I walk her on a royal blue leash. Sometimes I paint her nails and put bows in her hair, but sometimes we play frisbee in the dirt. (Sorry, a dog is the closest thing I have to a child, although I know not quite the same. I love her so.)

28. Anna responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 7:54 pm #

    You know, when I spotted that story, I figured it would be something right up your alley. Guess I was right!

    I’ll never forget that time when I painted a male cousin’s toes purple when we were in middle school, just for kicks- his dad, my uncle, got pretty mad at us. I was surprised- he’d never been angry at me before and it was fairly uncomfortable.

29. Sev3nty responded on 18 Apr 2011 at 8:21 pm #

    Honestly, I wasn’t completely comfortable with him wearing a skirt. I thought in that moment that I didn’t think I could date a boy in a skirt. That’s me being totally honest. And acknowledging that gender roles are embedded in the way we think about the world. Which is not to say that we should leave whatever is embedded alone. Sometimes it’s like a splinter. It’s under your skin now, but that doesn’t mean it should stay there. Or at least we should call a splinter a splinter. It might feel easy to see a boy in a dress and think, “That looks wrong!” But it’d be better if the next thought was, “Is it really wrong? Why do I think it looks wrong?”

    __

    That part hit me really hard. I think that is a fantastic way of describing what is inside of a lot of people, and that it is ok to have that gut reaction, as long as you are always questioning WHY.

    PS love the tie!

30. Mandy responded on 19 Apr 2011 at 1:06 am #

    Honestly, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. I would be more concerned with the toxic substances in the nail polish (like formaldehyde) than the color.
    What is considered masculine and feminine changes depending on culture and time period. In Georgian era England, the well-dressed man would wear a curled and powdered wig, white power base and rouge, a heavily lace-trimmed shirt, a full-skirted silk, satin or velvet coat, high heels, and a sword. (Yes, my friends, high heels were originally invented for men!) And carry a cologne-scented lacy handkerchief.
    On the same subject, I have heard that the kilt-wearing Scottish regiments in the UK military have two nicknames: “Ladies From Hell,” and “Devils in Skirts.” Judging from the nick names, I’m betting no one thinks they’re less than “manly!”
    Personally, I love it when my man wears a kilt–he’s got GREAT legs!

    Unroast: I love the way I feel at the end of a really productive day–as if I got a LOT accomplished!

31. Pip responded on 19 Apr 2011 at 6:21 am #

    okay not to be trivial because i totally agree with what your saying, but also just had to point out that you look uber sexy in a tie!! you have to learn how to tie one, it looks awesome x

32. Vickie responded on 19 Apr 2011 at 8:29 am #

    It’s great to see you talking about this. It’s time for people to get over things like boys wearing pink nail polish. Little kids don’t see any problem it, and adults should not be calling it out. My two year old son loves to put on polish (like his big sister) and I am proud to have a husband who will paint his son’s nails without a hint of hesitation.

33. Melissa responded on 19 Apr 2011 at 12:46 pm #

    @Valerie –

    I absolutely agree with you about the ‘strong women’ being called all of those nasty names. I’ve been called more than one of them.

    How do we change that thinking? Better yet, how do we, as strong women, play with the boys club without being called those names?

    Melissa

34. Amber responded on 19 Apr 2011 at 11:02 pm #

    Just had to add my thoughts! How many little boys don’t like to get their nails painted when they’re little? My brother certainly did and he’s one of the most masculine guys I know now that he’s all grown up! He copied everything I did when we were little. My favorite color was pink and so was his. My mom painted my toenails so he got his nails painted too. And I remember one time dressing him up in a skirt and putting a ridiculous amount of makeup on him. I don’t think it harmed him any! Gender roles are such an interesting subject and examining our own values and why we hold them can be very educational.

35. Another Emma responded on 20 Apr 2011 at 8:37 am #

    You just reminded me that I used to wear ties out all the time with my outfits, when I was a teen, and I thought I looked super cool. Thanks!

36. Amanda responded on 21 Apr 2011 at 10:00 pm #

    @Kate@Amanda

    Hmm I think maybe I didn’t communicate my point very well – in fact, it’s not even really a point, but just my own rant on the situation. I feel that while yes, things have changed in a lot of apparent ways, and the formerly socially accepted gender lines have been crossed in countless instances, the fact remains that society still is very aware of where those lines are. And whether it’s Fox expressing outrage about a boy crossing into “feminine” territory, or the blogging world sending out a message of acceptance and secretly patting ourselves on the back for being so progressive, it’s incredibly frustrating that this whole discourse needs to happen in the first place.

    I completely agree that there have been little steps (and giant leaps) in the right direction, but it just seems like instead of one giant line in the sand, we’ve drawn lots of smaller, overlapping, twisty-turny lines. Sure, we’ve made progress and gained some territory, but at the end of the day we’re still drawing lines.

    These days women get to vote, wear pants, and go to any college they want without much opposition or even being labeled as unfeminine, and that is truly incredible. And soon maybe little boys can paint their nails neon pink with equally little fanfare. Score. Another line gone. Maybe (okay probably definitely) this is the only way for it to happen, but its frustrating to look a beach full of millions of little swirly lines and think about all the battles that are going to have to be fought to erase each one of them. I just wish the tide would come in already.

    Huge, long, late comment. But that is what I was initially trying to say . . . I think.

37. Jen responded on 22 Apr 2011 at 10:56 am #

    I just want to highlight #3 from your list. I’m a therapist, and I occasionally see people who, as kids, heard some intense messages about gender roles and how terrible it would be if they were gay (which is putting it nicely). And while that may not be damaging to everyone, it can be incredibly damaging to some. It’s truly heartbreaking to watch someone struggle with this sense of themselves as bad or unlovable, or question their sexuality or masculinity if they aren’t “manly” enough. Alissa mentioned this too, but in my experience people are much less likely to need therapy because their parents allowed them to play with gender/sexuality norms than if they heard constant messages about the importance of fitting into rigid norms.

38. Eat the Damn Cake » Female desire: down with porn! up with Orlando Bloom! responded on 04 May 2011 at 11:37 am #

    […] that everyone is still trying to figure out what makes men and women different. I mean, now that boys are wearing pink nail polish, maybe people are starting to think, “What if we’re not that different after all?! Oh […]

39. Danielle Meitiv responded on 10 May 2011 at 11:13 am #

    My 6 year old son LOVES color. I buy him pants in the girls’ section because they’re so much more attractive – who wants to wear brown gray navy or black ALL THE TIME?

    He’s already learned that pink and hearts and flowers are for girls, and won’t wear them – even though I think he might want to 🙁 – but he still lets himself enjoy sparkles, sequins and bright colors.

    I also like to buy him clothes from other countries and cultures, where boys haven’t been completely relegated to the drab bits of the spectrum.

40. Boys Will Be Boys—Even When They’re Unschoolers « Skipping School responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 1:14 pm #

    […] For some of my thoughts on boys and gender, check out my post on my other blog, Eat the Damn Cake, about the J. Crew nail polish scandal. […]

41. Callie responded on 07 Jun 2011 at 10:42 am #

    Kudos for a great blog article!

    I hope each of the comeenters let Jcrew know about their support. Jcrew should be rewarded for their good behavior.

    I too hope that whatever nail polish you put on your selves or your children is non-toxic.

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