Bikinis hate food
There is a certain jogger in Riverside Park who I love. I have only seen her once, and it was only for a few seconds, but I love her anyway. She is wearing little shorts and a sports bra, and her belly is not flat. It’s not at all flat. Her thighs are not slender. Her arms are not taut and sinewy.
Want to hear something embarrassing?
Originally Bear and I were going to fly to Hawaii at the end of our crazy adventure trip. Or at least somewhere really warm with a lot of beaches that wasn’t the Jersey Shore. But after waiting in airports and running wildly through airports three or four times in a week, I was done. We were going to California anyway, so it became our last stop. And there was another reason.
This wasn’t always the way it worked, but these days, whenever I eat something, my stomach sticks out a lot. It always sticks out a little, but with food in it, there’s no potential for sucking in. (Whenever this happens I think of Janetha, who described the same thing over at Meals and Moves. So Janetha, I think of you a lot!).
And here’s the thing about Hawaii…it involves food and bikinis simultaneously. And it’s not like I’m going to stop eating any time soon. At any point while in Hawaii, you may find yourself consuming a large meal, wearing a bikini. There’s no help for it. It’s practically inevitable.
See, that’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing that I care. It’s embarrassing that I actually thought, “I don’t want to have to feel badly about my body on my honeymoon.” I might not have felt very badly. It might have been a momentary twinge. But I didn’t want to risk it.
I remember as a kid seeing magazines in the grocery store with their loud headlines that screamed at women to “Get the bikini bod you want!!” “Slim down by summer!!” and “Shed 10 lbs before you hit the beach!!” I refuse to be a woman who frantically tries to lose weight before any beaches can come near her. Whose weight loss attempts are always seasonally inspired, fear-based, and fleeting.
But here I am— um…yeah. Writing this post.
It was mostly the no-more-flying thing. Really. But the belly-thing was in there, too.
(This is how cold it was on the beach in CA)
* * *
Un-roast: Today I love my ears. They have a sweet shape.
P.S. Virginia puts me to shame (in a good way) yet again with this piece. What timing!
Kate on June 2nd 2011 in Uncategorized
LIT responded on 02 Jun 2011 at 1:18 pm #
Thank you for appreciating the random runner- and telling us about her. She is an inspiration to all of us who care what other’s think about our bellies.
Danielle Meitiv responded on 02 Jun 2011 at 1:30 pm #
I’m in good shape, but not flat-bellied. not skinny, not taut. Hell, with two kids I have funky stretch marks just inside my hips. (If I were the tattooing type I could get some kind of cool flame-type tats and would really take advantage of those scars).
And thanks to your runner, I just might venture out in a bikini this summer.
(FYI – I was the same way with the eating and bloating. It just started happening in my 20’s. ends up I’d developed adult-onset gluten intolerance. Sorry to say to a cake-lovin’ woman, but you just might want to follow what you eat and see if it’s lactose, gluten etc related…)
Jess responded on 02 Jun 2011 at 1:31 pm #
I was in Hawaii last summer. I saw a very-plus-sized girl on the beach wearing a string bikini that I, at half her size, would not have been comfortable wearing. Not because it would make me feel fat, but because it would make me feel naked, exposed. I wondered at how such a large woman who, for better or worse, had so much more body than I did, could not feel that much more naked. Not because of others’ judgments on her beauty, just because of the amount of exposure. I felt uncomfortable and naked for her. I think, to a degree, feeling “fat” in a bikini is, in so many ways, feeling exposed and vulnerable.
Also, food-filled tummies in bathing suits actually look very cute, and I wore one proudly in Hawaii. I plan to wear one proudly at Coney Island this year as well.
Kate responded on 02 Jun 2011 at 1:34 pm #
@Jess
They do look cute! And I think that about every other woman except myself. What is with that?
Lilli responded on 02 Jun 2011 at 2:13 pm #
@Kate, i think everyone sorta thinks that, like they look at someone and think ‘that looks lovely’ but the minute they have it on themselves they hate it, possibly because it is something that is *them* and so many people are filled with a sort of loathing of their fundamental being, if that makes sense?
I thiknk a lot of what is attractive comes down to confidence: no one will notice a food belly in a negative way unless you are making a negative thing of it, if you’re hunching over and hiding it, or covering it up with baggy clothes, you’re inadvertantly drawing attention to it, hence making the problem more obvious… bit of a viscious cycle.
For what it’s worth, i say wear your food baby proudly 😀
Maggie responded on 02 Jun 2011 at 3:33 pm #
I’m 260 lbs. and I rocked a bikini at the pool yesterday. With my legs unshaven, even. It’s still scary. That runner is probably still thinking about it because there’s no way to not think about it, right? Or maybe I’m projecting. But it’s really empowering to just say fuck it and wear what you want. Even if it’s still scary.
Ashley responded on 02 Jun 2011 at 3:51 pm #
I like to see women rocking the bodies they have instead of hiding them and then offering some excuse like, “I’m insecure about my looks because of ___”
Abby responded on 02 Jun 2011 at 4:23 pm #
*sigh* It’s a process. Some days you’ll rock the bikini without a second thought and some days all you’ll do is think. It’s great to acknowledge your feelings and recognize them for what they are and then get back to rocking that belly, no matter what!
Jess responded on 02 Jun 2011 at 4:58 pm #
@Kate- we are our own worst critics. Always. About more than bikinis, too. Eat Nathan’s in bikinis with me.
@Maggie- you rule!! Feeling naked is the absence of power, and hooray for the power to say fuck it.
Deanna responded on 02 Jun 2011 at 5:32 pm #
I really believe women should be able to wear what they want. I recently read an article on AOL telling women at what age they should stop wearing certain items. I was so angry at the headline that I didn’t even read the article. If I want to wear high heels at 90 I will wear high heels at 90 and bikinis until I can’t see well enough to put one on.
So then a client of mine who is just a year or two older than me starts complaining about ‘older women’ (I so hate that term) who try and dress sexy. She feels that anyone over 40 should dress like a an old woman. Yuck. I dressed like an old woman in my 20s and 30s when for some reason I thought big shirts and big jackets were cool so now I want to dress sexy and like a woman. If she wants to call me a Hootchie Mama then so be it.
I also don’t mind heavy girls dressing in bikinis or miniskirts. I hear so many women talking about them and I think why not? I think it’s great.
Lori responded on 02 Jun 2011 at 6:29 pm #
I am not a doctor and cannot possibly diagnose your bloating, but a friend of mine also goes from being slender to looking pregnant after meals. She recently found out that she had a gluten sensitivity (not allergy, or celiac, but sensitivity). After a few weeks of a gluten-free diet, she felt better and the bloating stopped.
Avery responded on 03 Jun 2011 at 3:11 am #
I am superbly sad that you aren’t going to Hawaii. You see, I’m going in 2 days, and I had this second long fantasy that I would see you in the airport and see the hands that type the words on this blog… You are one of my favorite people lately. Sorry that California did its thing on you — she’s a temperamental wench sometimes.
Amy responded on 03 Jun 2011 at 8:35 am #
I’m having the hardest time with this issue right now. I had a baby 8 months ago and my body is well…shaped a bit differently now. I tried on a bathing suit the other day and I cried all the way home. It’s difficult, because I’m comparing myself all the time with celebrity moms who get into a bikini 3 days after giving birth. It bothers me because I want so badly NOT to care, but I do. And I hate myself for putting such an emphasis on the media’s standards of physical beauty. I constantly suck in my stomach when I’m around people and there is no where for my very recently child occupied tummy to hide when it’s in a bikini. Sometimes I wonder, if I would still feel this bad about my body if I lived somewhere besides America.The standards of beauty are so different elsewhere in the world. My husband says I look great, so why do I still care what other people think? Ugh.
Kate responded on 03 Jun 2011 at 9:56 am #
@Lori
Interesting…I always thought you would be in pain if it was something to do with gluten. But might be worth trying…
Kate responded on 03 Jun 2011 at 9:57 am #
@Avery
Aww!!! Sorry we won’t get to hang out in the airport! But have an amazing time in Hawaii!! Which part will you be in?
Kate responded on 03 Jun 2011 at 10:01 am #
@Amy
First of all, congratulations on having a baby!!!
Second of all, your situation perfectly exemplifies this problem. It seems like no matter what is happening in our lives, looking a certain way is still incredibly important and meaningful. Which is so frustrating. I have had the thought many times that one day, after I have a baby, I will be in that position, knowing that my body just went through something absolutely astounding, but still blaming it for not fitting some distant standard. And it makes me a little angry, just thinking about it. So I’m sorry that you’re going through it. And I’m glad your husband can see the truth!
janetha @ meals & moves responded on 03 Jun 2011 at 12:04 pm #
Haha. The dreaded bump!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can relate to this post more than words can state.
Kate responded on 03 Jun 2011 at 12:06 pm #
@Janetha
HAHA!! I was really hoping you’d read this one 🙂
anna responded on 03 Jun 2011 at 5:56 pm #
amy: i’m 8 months pregnant right now, and fighting the same dissonance! i KNOW the way my body looks right now is the optimum appearance for having a healthy baby, and what could be more important than that? but i still feel ‘fat’ ALL the time! why oh why can’t i give myself, and my incredible body, which is currently undergoing a fitness task of olympican scale, the credit we deserve?
i really do blame society. the other day i was reading about women’s struggles with their post-partum figure, and read some statistic that said that 86% of women don’t return to a ‘normal’ figure within a year of birth. and all i could think was, shouldn’t that stat, that huge majority, make a NEW normal?? why do we consider adolescent bodies the norm for adult women?
i could go on and on but we all know it all already. *sigh* thanks kate for fighting the fight and for doing it publicly 🙂
Eat the Damn Cake » We are already normal (a very pregnant post) responded on 14 Jun 2011 at 11:14 am #
[…] ideas of what constitutes a “normal” body. To put it into context, her invite was prompted by this comment I left on her post of a week or two ago, Bikinis Hate […]
Karen Ashwill responded on 17 Jun 2011 at 8:54 am #
Thank you so much for this fantastic post! I went through all the same feelings and now my daughters are too. But it’s even worse now due to the ridiculous “stars” after the baby photos everywhere. It’s just sick..
What is beautiful is a joyous smile, so we can’t let society’s norms take that away – I felt so strongly about this that I started a company making water wearable swimsuit coverups that are really cute and just want to see women smiling, swimming, enjoying life and the water. Who said we have to wear a certain type of swimsuit anyway?
Eat the Damn Cake » secrets about my belly responded on 01 Dec 2011 at 4:59 pm #
[…] shots for a new sexy campaign, I could’ve been a candidate. Now the whole putting-on-a-bikini thing gives me a newfound appreciation for winter. The cold, dead heart of […]