Let us eat cake!
It was Bear’s birthday yesterday. He’s twenty-seven now. He feels old and doesn’t like me to say “twenty-seven” too often. I think it sounds like a good age. Full of potential, but old enough to know some things about the world.
For his birthday, we ran around the East Village, collecting some of his/our favorite foods.* We invited some fantastic, fascinating friends over, and had a little party. More than a little party doesn’t fit into our apartment.
As we were sitting around eating, we started talking about food, since there was so much of it, and it turned out that all of the guys in the room were on some sort of diet. I’m not sure that’s the right way to put it. One of the guys was a vegan, another was really interested in longevity research and how food impacts long term health. They were all passionate about what they should and shouldn’t eat. And Bear, of course, is a diabetic, and has chosen to eat a very restricted diet for health reasons (no carbs. No bread of any kind, fruit, anything with sugar, beans, rice, things with flour, most berries, some nuts, etc. In other words, he eats vegetables, meat, and cheese. He also doesn’t drink milk).**
Sometimes I feel like I’m surrounded by people who take food incredibly seriously. And they’re usually really smart.
As the conversation moved towards how terrible the average American’s diet is, and how careful we all need to be about what we put in our bodies, I found myself fighting not to glance guiltily at the table, with all that fatty meat and carb-y rolls, and lavish sauces on it. I flashed back to standing at the counter at Dunkin’ Donuts.
“Just the iced coffee?”
“Yes, just this.”
“No donut?”
“No, I’m good.”
“Are you sure? No donut?”
“Ok, I’ll have one. Chocolate frosting!”
That donut was good. Really good.
I know. We crave sugar because a long time ago, when humans were much hairier than we are now (except for Bear, he’s about that hairy, I think), and we were all wandering around outside, trying to stay alive long enough to reproduce, finding something sugary was a big deal. It tasted delicious and was full of calories. And that was just a strawberry, or something. Now we have donuts with chocolate frosting. We’ve come a long way. And it’s hard to stop. I know that.
And I don’t want to stop.
The smart people who care enormously about what they eat can’t agree with each other. Low fat? No carbs? No sugar? No meat? All meat? How much raw? How much dairy?
Mostly I think they’re against cake, though.
I started thinking about my diet. What is my plan for my body? What are my views?
To be perfectly honest, I don’t want to take the time to carefully sort it all out. I don’t want to write a rulebook and be guilty of slowly killing myself when I disobey.
I grew up in a household where I wasn’t allowed to eat processed foods. I live with a man who can’t eat carbs. I live in a city that is obsessed with both delicious food and extreme thinness. I live in a city where everyone goes to the gym. I live in a city where I regularly see women so thin they look like they are starving. I am surrounded by people who care a lot about the relationship between food and health. I can barely remember all of my friends’ eating restrictions, because they are all different, and everyone has them.
I love to eat. I love sugar. I love salt. I love butter. I love fat. I get so much pleasure out of eating that I can’t imagine cutting whole delicious genres of food out of my diet.
So I have only a few suggestions for myself:
Try to stop when you’re full
and
Try to eat some vegetables
and
Fast food is mostly gross
Maybe I’m lazy. Maybe my willpower is weak and my resolve puny. Maybe I haven’t thought my politics out clearly.
I reached for a cookie. So did the other women. We sat there, chewing happily. We talked about how we really shouldn’t. How we were anyway. The way women always do.
But really, I think we should. If only for the perfectly composed melting taste of a Levain cookie– I think we should. Out of respect for the delicious.
And beyond that, to set an example, maybe for the starving women in their tight, tight jeans and their high, high heels. Or at least as a promise to ourselves, that that will not be us.
* * *
Un-roast: Today I love the way I look in huge earrings.
*The food was from This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef, Caracas Arepa Bar, a tiny Japanese place with a name I always forget that makes these balls with octopus meat in them (we like to say “octopus balls” because we’re immature and it sounds funny), Mamoun’s, and Levain bakery (on the Upper West Side. Represent!). The diet soda was from Duane Reade. I couldn’t figure out where to get ice, so there wasn’t any.
**Which doesn’t stop us from getting roast beef sandwiches (he eats the insides), arepas (he eats bits of the insides), and cookies from Levain (he enjoys it when other people get to eat cookies).
*** I don’t know why I’m in an asterisk mood today. It feels a little stuffy. But it’s fun, too.
Kate on June 6th 2011 in Uncategorized
April responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 12:54 pm #
I love that you enjoy food and admit that you do. I’m a baker, and my husband is is constantly trying to avoid the delicious treats and fresh bread I bring home. I work with men who bake with butter, flour and sugar to make a carb-filled delight, only to turn their noses up to eat and say “I don’t eat things like this”. I recently meet a lovely French pastry chef, who had bread and cheese every day. His bakery is filled with butter rich croissants, beautiful bread and creamy desserts. When I go to this bakery, my eyes flutter when I bite into a croissant. My day is better and I feel happier after having ate one. I too, completely enjoy and love eating. I think moderation is key and we should all find the joy in eating.
Kate responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 12:56 pm #
Sheesh, I want to eat everything you just described. And I love that you’re a baker! Any chance you work in NYC?
Jess responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 1:01 pm #
Your food rules are basically mine, too. 🙂
Noel responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 1:11 pm #
On the one hand, I’m glad people (meaning we, all of us, Americans) are trying to think about what they eat and to steer clear of things like HFCS. On the other hand, this is such a ridiculous American problem. Half (ok, that might not be the exact right stat, but still) of the rest of the world is starving!!!
Kate responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 1:16 pm #
@Noel
Good point.
LIT responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 1:23 pm #
Yay sugar!!! and bread.
Samantha Angela @ Bikini Birthday responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 1:35 pm #
Fast Food is entirely gross. My friend made the Epic Mealtime Fast Food Lasagna (i wish I were making this up: http://gamereviewwiki.com/bikinibirthday/2011/05/the-epic-mealtime-lasagna/) for a potluck that we had and anyone who ate a decent portion of it was huddled in the corner afterwards with stomach pains and cold sweats.
San D responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 1:40 pm #
My basic food groups are: salt, sugar, fat, chocolate and bread. I love to eat, I love the taste, texture, smell and look of food. I eat when I’m happy, I eat when I’m sad, I eat when I am bored, and I eat when I’m creating. I will never be one of those skinny old ladies who lost her ass somewhere in life. That said, I am really trying to moderate the calories so that I can live long enough to enjoy eating, because I believe that your health is tied to the following formula:1/3 Genetics, 1/3 Lifestyle and 1/3 Luck.
spice responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 1:40 pm #
yes! this is how i eat, and it’s refreshing to hear someone else talking about it.
Johanna responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 1:57 pm #
Your advice (which I love) is very much like Michael Pollen: Eat food (meaning not processed), mostly plants, not too much. Its only in American culture though that we need these common sense rules drilled into us (I have friends who will die for Pollon, like he’s a genius). I spend the summers with an Italian family – cookies for breakfast, pasta for lunch, and all sort of cheese and cured meats – and no one here (speaking generally) is obese, and more importantly: people don’t think food is EVIL. THey are a little obsessed, but in a good way – with delicious cheese and fresh pastas and coffee! THe first summer here was hard – my eating habits and relationship with food was still messed up and it was stressful for me. Now I love it – and I have taken these lesson with me year round. So, um, basically, I love this post (and, more generally, your blog!)
Virginia responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 2:03 pm #
I LOVE THIS:
To be perfectly honest, I don’t want to take the time to carefully sort it all out. I don’t want to write a rulebook and be guilty of slowly killing myself when I disobey.
Exactly. And your food suggestions (not rules — and such an important distinction!) are pure straight-up genius. (Especially the part about fast food being mostly gross… because yes and also sometimes, it’s not gross and actually quite delicious.)
Deanna responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 2:30 pm #
I work in a business where everyone has a food theory. I listen to other instructors talk to their clients and it makes me cringe. Food has become the enemy. What I particularly find disheartening is when they talk about doing these cleansing fasts where they go days and days without eating. That, without a doubt, would totally kill me. Two hours without food would put a big dent in me.
The discuss eating no carbs, no processed foods, no fats, no this no that…the only thing left is apples and celery. It just seems like such a sad way to live life. True I watch that I don’t eat too much fast food or very rich food, but I do eat pizza once in awhile and I’ve been known to grab a cupcake or..drum roll please….cheese cake! When I talk about this in front of others in my biz they roll their eyes and tell me about how unhealthy I am. Of course they have no idea how old I am either…I think that would sort of prove them all wrong!
Kate responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 2:35 pm #
@Virginia
Thank you!! I’m flattered, since you’re super super awesome.
Kate responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 2:36 pm #
@Deanna
I’m imagining you doing some calculations in your head and suddenly saying, “Apples and celery! That’s all that’s left!”
🙂
Well put.
April responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 2:55 pm #
I work in Austin, but if you ever find yourself down here, be sure to check out Quack’s 43rd Street Bakery and baguette et chocolat!
Kate responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 2:58 pm #
@I will! I want to go to Texas sometime. People keep telling me how amazing their lives are there 🙂
Andee responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 3:01 pm #
I stopped drinking milk a couple of months ago (I have diabetes also) and I miss it so much : ( Good job Bear for being so dilligent! Also, awesome job Kate for sharing your love of food!
Mandy responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 3:05 pm #
There’s always going to be someone who thinks that your food choices are either unhealthy or not healthy enough. Same with exercise. and science can’t seem to make up it’s mind what a healthy diet is or isn’t, and exactly how much exercise, and what kind is best.
I exercise moderately, keep my portions reasonable, and am, in general, happy with my body–it’s healthy and with the exception of the arthritis in my feet, everything works properly. I have a resting heart rate in the sixties. My cholesterol is well within the healthy range. I can run up and down the stairs without getting out of breath. My doctor liked my last EKG. My blood pressure is good. And my clothes fit.
I figure I must be doing something right.
I love food. I enjoy eating. To me, food is not the enemy, and those silly control freaks out there who try to tell me different are wasting their breath. And, yes, my food guidelines are pretty much the same as yours–I’ll just add, no diet food or artificial sweeteners.
I’ll take a small piece of really good dark chocolate over a whole back of fat free cookies any time!
And, yes–I eat cake!
Mandy responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 3:08 pm #
Whoops! I mean a whole BAG of fate free cookies. Sorry, I forgot to proof read.
Unroast: Today, I love my belly, even if it’s not as flat as fashion says it should be. I like the fact that I have some upholstry!
Mandy responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 3:09 pm #
Sitting here laughing at myself. So much for my proof reading, today!
Kate responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 3:12 pm #
@Mandy
Love your unroasts. And I thought there was some unspoken internet rule about typos not counting? 🙂
Natalie responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 3:21 pm #
best. line. ever.
“I think we should. Out of respect for the delicious.”
ABSOLUTELY. part of my learning to love being a woman, is learning to love how i (and other women) love delicious food. that’s a beautiful thing. it’s a thankful thing. it’s a small thing. and isn’t it all about the little things?
i think so.
bethany actually responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 5:13 pm #
This:
“Out of respect for the delicious.”
is just about perfect. Thank you for writing that phrase! It, and your rules for eating, made me smile.
yan responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 5:46 pm #
I use basically your rules, but add to it “Pay attention. Eat what feels good and don’t eat what doesn’t feel good. Try to remember the difference.”
Nutrition is serious. Food should be fun, or at least enjoyable — it is what we need to live, and damn it, life should be enjoyable.
Erinn responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 7:26 pm #
This is my first time commenting, but I’ve enjoyed your blog for a while.
Part of me is in such complete accord with what you say, but there’s this other part of me that can only *wish* it were actually as simple as eating out of respect for the delicious.
I love food – as I write, I have a yummy eggplant stew simmering on the stove! – but I also think that food is really complicated, and not just complicated in terms of how we, we as women in particular, relate to it. For me, food is delicious not just because of its simple taste but also because of where it came from, who made it, why they made it, how they made … food is complicated because it comes from somewhere, is made of/from things, by people, and all of that stuff is complicated (those people, places, things, animals are caught up in diverse processes, some good and some really quite awful). So, when I see cake, really decadent three layers of creamy, sugary, buttery, rich goodness, I both want to eat the damn cake because I want to affirm the wanting in the face of the “knowing I shouldn’t” and I feel compelled to remind myself of the origins of the cake (where did the eggs, the milk, the flour, the butter come from?) and choose not to eat it because I find its origins enormously distressing (e.g., industrial dairy production).
Anyway, I just think that the tension – the recognition that food is complicated in many different ways and that what we eat connects us to broader systems (agricultural ones, ecological ones) we don’t see or about which we don’t think – is so important to remember. The solution for me so far has just been vegan cake, which can be delicious too!
Ruby responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 7:43 pm #
The octopus balls are called Takoyaki, and yes, they are lovely <3. Japanese food usually is.
Ruby responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 7:45 pm #
Side-note to Japanese food since I only thought about it after posting.
Japanese people are also rail-thin, and to them it’s even worse than in the West(where I find the situation rather disturbing). They’re not ones to shy away from telling acquaintances when they get fat, and many a japanese residents have complained that they went to the doctor for a sprained ankle and went home with a suggestion to lose weight instead. Despite being generally thin.
With the deliciousness of Japanese food it’s kind of hard to imagine dieting when you live there.
threegoodrats responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 9:07 pm #
I have a huge cake leftover from my birthday (which was on Friday) and I have been happily eating a large slice every day. I’m still eating vegetables and other healthy things and still exercising. As much as I care about my health, I can’t completely cut out things that are so incredibly yummy to me.
Sky responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 11:20 pm #
Takoyaki (the octopus balls)! So delicious.
Jennifer Jo responded on 07 Jun 2011 at 6:49 am #
One thing that helps me: get my hands in the dirt and grow as much of my own food as I can/want. It keeps me grounded (pun intended). I don’t worry about all the pounds of butter we consume or the quarts of cream because we’re also gorging on spinach and potatoes and strawberries that we grew ourselves. All that dirt steadies me.
Lynn responded on 07 Jun 2011 at 10:24 am #
That is absolutely how I feel about food 🙂
janetha @ meals & moves responded on 07 Jun 2011 at 12:49 pm #
Happy birthday to Bear! I love all that stuff, too, and couldn’t live a life without it.
melle responded on 07 Jun 2011 at 1:26 pm #
My inability to cut down on the sugar and ignore the cravings really makes me feel guilty and weak! How do people do it?
I try to get advice from users on websites like sparkpeople.com and they all list an ” orange” as dessert! They replace chips with carrot sticks!
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? 😀
I’ve tried the whole “if you crave chips eat a carrot” thing, but obviously that doesn’t work because carrots are not chips.
I think maybe if I REALLY wanted to, I could be as hard core as some of my friends. But I don’t really envy those who restrict themselves so much and put so much stress on their already tiny bodies. They just seem so… unhappy to me. As if the restriction isn’t about health at all but about beating themselves into submission.
I think about letting the nutella sit on the shelf for months, I think about not buying that piece of candy… but I just don’t think my weight is big enough of a priority to make myself suffer like that… lol
Sooz responded on 07 Jun 2011 at 3:49 pm #
GREAT post! I love food sooo much. But I’ve spent a lot of my life denying myself b/c other people say things like you talked about and I feel guilty. I am also overweight and I feel like I am judged everytime I eat. Also, I kinda secretly feel I deserve to suffer b/c I’m fat. Sick, I know. But the truth of the matter is that I ADORE food and LOVE to eat. I think I’m gonna channel my inner Paula Deen and stop with the insanity of guilt and deprivation. Life’s too short….right?
Marie responded on 07 Jun 2011 at 9:48 pm #
I see that there are so many people that have left really awesome comments, and almost talked myself out of my little addition.
My breakthrough with food came with reading Intuitive Eating out of curiosity. Yes! If anyone has ever felt weird about dieting or food, this book and its suggestions will let you start to figure it out and quit being neurotic about food. It is so weird that you should have to read a book on how to feed yourself and honor what you actually want to eat, but I really believe that conflicting media messages pervade our culture and make it almost impossible not to be crazy when it comes to food.
Sarah responded on 08 Jun 2011 at 7:56 am #
As one who is enslaved to a multitude of food rules, imagined or real, that seem to have some sort of powerful, inexplicable control over me, thank you for daring to ignore them all. You give me hope that there’s still someone out there daring to eat with a semblamce of sanity.
JessB responded on 09 Jun 2011 at 2:19 am #
I commented a little while ago on your latest post that I wanted to be thinner, and as I was cleaning out my Inbox, I noticed that I hadn’t read this one. Wow, am I glad I did!
This is just how I feel about food – I want to eat well, and not be obsessed. I don’t need to be thinking about it all the time, and be feeling guilty about it. I do want to lose some weight, and I’ll do that by moving more, but I want to be able to do what you did – eat delicious food without a second thought on a special occasion.
Awesome, lovely writing.
Anna responded on 09 Jun 2011 at 2:56 pm #
I heart this post. I agree. I want to enjoy food and not swing between extremes, obsession or diets. I try to embrace loving food, and letting it not spiral out of control. It’s a day to day affair.
Eat the Damn Cake » I don’t care enough to hate myself enough to change myself responded on 07 Jul 2011 at 1:00 pm #
[…] Debating about food with him made me realize something about myself that I keep realizing and then forgetting a little. Something that I thought about a little differently but began to realize similarly in this post about Bear’s birthday: […]