Is twenty-five old now?
My friend was on an elevator with some undergrads the other day. Both girls. One was saying to the other, “Wait, can you believe she’s actually twenty-six? She seemed like she was young.”
“That is so weird,” the other said. “I didn’t know she was so old.”
“That is really old. But she’s still cool, I guess.”
“I guess.”
My friend is twenty-six. She felt old.
Twenty-five is not old. It’s just the age when famous people start being younger than you. When you realize that a lot of the famous women in movies are twenty-two. Definitely pop stars. They might be sixteen.
(source)
When I was a teenager, I assumed everyone who starred in a movie was around thirty. I never thought it through. I mean, if you had asked me, I might not have even said that. But in order for me to follow the stories of their high-powered jobs and very grown up romances, I had to imagine that they were a lot older than me.
Now I notice age more. I notice when no one mentions it in a movie, so that it can be assumed the characters are somewhere in the range of mid- twenties to early-thirties. When in fact the actresses playing the leading women are twenty-two.
I’m at an age when people start accomplishing really big things. People are actually capable of it now. I can always point to someone who has done like, a million more impressive things than me, who is exactly the same age.
And I’m at an age when it’s too late. Too late to be a child prodigy or a famous musician. And probably a lot of other stuff that I can’t think of.
(my brother was a child prodigy)
(actually, both of them were)
(I had other priorities)
It’s around the age that groups of your female friends start having this conversation:
Girl 1: “Did you guys read that article by that woman who says if you’re in your mid-twenties you should start looking for a man, because it’s better for your career if you have babies sooner rather than later, and if you want to have babies, you know, WITH a guy, then you have to find someone.”
Girl 2: “What! That’s ridiculous! I hate it when people tell me to get married! What century are we living in?”
Girl 3: “No, it kinda makes sense, you guys, because did anyone read the statistics on how much harder it is to have a baby when you’re, like, thirty?”
Girl 2: “Oh, that thing about your eggs drying up? Come on. I mean, yeah, you produce less eggs, and it gets harder for a woman to have a first child when she’s over thirty-two or something, but my mom did it!”
Girl 4: “My mom did it, too.”
Girl 3: “But even if your moms did it, did anyone read that excerpt in the Wall Street Journal from that woman’s book about in vitro fertilization? It’s really depressing. She says younger women should have babies, since she’s going through this whole nightmare now, and she really didn’t have the information when she was our age.”
Girl 2: “Whatever.”
Girl 4: “That’s sad!”
Girl 1: “I just don’t think it’s totally invalid for women to think about having a family, even when they’re our age.”
Girl 2: “Um, I don’t even have a boyfriend. Am I supposed to run out and marry someone?”
Girl 3: “No, but this is when we’re most fertile.”
Girl 1: “Well, probably not anymore.”
Girl 4: “Seriously? Already?”
Girl 1: “I think that’s like, when you’re fifteen.”
Girl 2: “Great…”
I want to have children relatively young. You know, so I can be spritely and energetic and fun. (Since when am I spritely?) But relatively young suddenly means SOON. And I’m not sure I want to have children, you know, NOW. At least I’m married, I catch myself thinking. And then, really?? You’re thinking that? I mean, just a couple years ago, I didn’t care if I got married anytime soon. I thought thirty was a fine age for marriage. And obviously marrying Bear was the best decision ever, but making it at twenty-four isn’t the important part.
The truth is, twenty-five is just the beginning. I haven’t learned much yet. I can practically see myself changing and growing. Sometimes I feel like kind of a baby myself. Sometimes I feel disoriented in my grownup life. Sometimes I’m a little overwhelmed by everything I think I’m supposed to know by now, since twenty-five is old enough to know so many of the important, practical things.
Which is why I like this letter, by advice columnist Sugar, to a 22-year-old, who is asking for general advice about being in your twenties, from a woman in her forties. Sugar tells her she isn’t really fat, or maybe she is a little, but who cares? And she tells her it will all add up to something, even though it’s disconnected now. And she tells her to say thank you. For everything.
According to a bunch of stuff I’ve seen and read and encountered in the world, older women are more confident. They feel better about themselves. This Oktrends post says (in charts 7 and 8) that women in their forties have a higher sex drive than women in their twenties. And they feel sexier, too. (Much older women don’t seem to, according to the chart, but I’ve decided that’s skewed data, because the much older women on OKCupid are depressed because they’re on the wrong dating site.)
Anyway, maybe twenty-five is just weird. It’s old enough and young enough at the same time. It’s caught in the middle. I have to decide for myself what it is.
Which is probably more fun, if I’m brave enough.
* * *
Unroast: Today I love the shape of my collarbone.
Kate on August 18th 2011 in Uncategorized
Kerry responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 11:24 am #
Goodness gracious, thank you so very much for the link to that “dear sugar” letter.
“Your book has a birthday. You don’t know what it is yet.”
“Many people who seem to be gliding along have suffered or are suffering.”
The very best.
j responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 11:32 am #
At twenty-eight I feel much happier with myself than at twenty-five, when I felt much happier with myself than at twenty-two. Sure, ten years ago I looked about the same (only a bit skinnier, and therefore ‘hotter’ in some weird objective way), but I like myself so much better now that I’m pretty sure anyone in their right mind would prefer me-at-28 to me-at-18.
I remember when I thought 23 was the prime of life. You know, out of school – but still hot. I also thought at that time (I was, uh, 9?) that I would be married at 23.
Anyway, the whole point is that old is a frame of mind and not an age. You’re an adult when you decide you are, for example. Just hang on to not taking yourself too seriously. Everyone should go on the swings whenever they have a chance. Everyone should still eat ice cream as often as possible.
See also:
http://matadornetwork.com/life/25-things-not-to-do-before-youre-25/
and my favoritest of all articles on this topic ever ever ever:
http://tomatonation.com/stories-true-and-otherwise/25-and-over/
Courtney responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 11:42 am #
I think once you hit your mid-twenties you start to notice “old” more. I don’t think too much about my age, but it creeps in occasionally. For an easy example, when I find out a blogger who I think is my age or possibly older is actually younger than me (I’m 27).
You make a great point about how 25 is “old enough and young enough”. It’s kind of a weird age where it’s still acceptable to not have things figured out, but you increasingly feel the pressure to do just that. The decisions you make at this age are often bigger, more time-consuming, and harder to come back from than decisions you make at a younger age. (For the record, I believe and understand the “quarter life crisis” stage.)
Jo responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 11:52 am #
The letter is lovely!
25 is a weird age. It’s where I am, and there’s messages from both sides: too young, too old. I just try to ignore them and keep my nose to the grindstone.
Rachel @ Musings of an Inappropriate Woman responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 12:04 pm #
Ah Kate! This post made me a bit angsty. Mostly because I am older than 26. Actually, I’ll be 30 next year. And I’m at the age where a lot of the women around me have started either redacting or flat out lying about their ages.
As someone who writes about young women’s issues for a living, and who is working on a book targeted at young feminist types, I occasionally wonder if I should do the same. You know, so I can continue seeming relevant to the people I write about.
This is stupid, obviously. A far better thing to invest in would promoting the awesomeness of thirtysomething women. Because young women tend to buy a lot of stuff (make-up, clothes, magazines, music), so much of our media is targeted at them/us.
But it’s not like people stop thinking, or living, or adventuring, or creating after they turn 30. When I was 16, my greatest idols (all musicians, incidenally) were all in their mid-30s. And the blogosphere is full of fascinating 30 (and 40 and 50) something women.
26 is “old” when you’re a 19-year-old college student, and it’s super when you’re only in junior high. But to the vast majority of the world, it’s absolutely gorgeous, young and loaded with possibility.
Rachel @ Musings of an Inappropriate Woman responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 12:07 pm #
That said, I do feel like I should have achieved more by my next birthday (which is a fantastic motivator!), despite the fact that if my 19-year-old self saw my life now, she would say, “Awesome – dream life!” It’s just my 25-year-old self’s dreams that are yet to come to fruition!
Emmi responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 12:13 pm #
I’m 27, and my husband delights in pointing out famous baseball players that are younger than me. They all look 12. It’s stunning. Not bad per se, it just gives me a small shock.
What really gets me is people born in the 90s being adults. I was watching a comedy special (Words, Words, Words by Bo Burnham) and when I wiki’d him and discovered he was born in 1990, I made this face D:
I so love that piece by Sugar. I’ve read it before, but every time I re-read it I always get chills all over again.
Amy responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 12:27 pm #
I’m 28. It’s the worst I’ve ever looked (I’m sure my 22 year old self would “just die” at the 15 extra lbs on the scale) but the happiest I’ve ever been. The biggest accomplishment I think I’ve made since “being young” is–I don’t question myself anymore (well, not NEARLY as much). I feel like I’m starting to get a real hold on who I am. I wish I could tell 22 year old Amy (or even 25), ” Just calm the eff down. You’re going to be just fine”.
Melanie responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 12:32 pm #
This post completely resonates with me.
I was 25 not too long ago (27 now) and, like you, got married at 24. And I still feel like I’m in that awkward in-between phase. I mean, I have all the “traditional” trappings of adulthood (besides kids), and I guess that having those things is some sort of measure of success, but I don’t FEEL like a success. I don’t feel like I’ve made anything of myself yet.
I feel like I need to be “successful” before having kids, like there is some invisible bar I need to pass before my brain and biological clock agree that the time is right. In the back of my mind, I worry that I’ll reach that bar too late and then I’ll regret being such a damned perfectionist.
kari responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 1:02 pm #
Love this discussion. I just turned 26, and felt like it was the most “nothing” age yet – doesn’t feel old, doesn’t sound young. After I graduated college, it was so weird to see these college athletes playing their nationally-televised games and think that they were all definitely younger than me. It’s weird that Mark Zuckerberg and I graduated from high school the same year. Mostly, though, it’s weird when people think I’m old, because I still get more “oh my gosh you’re so young!” comments than I do “you’re old” ones. The weirdest part is that it’s not weird when people my age are having kids anymore, and it’s weird that it’s something I “should” actually be thinking about in the next few… 10?… years.
Karen responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 1:58 pm #
I feel that I am way too old to be commenting on your site but – you’re YOUNG. Enjoy it. I married young, had babies and ended up divorced in my late 30’s. I ended up having the time of my life. I never felt more alive and vibrant. I met a great man, remarried and, even with everything that’s happened to our lives over the last eight years, I am enjoying being “old”. Funny, you never really feel “old”. I still feel the same way I felt inside as I did when I was in my twenties. I don’t feel old(er) but I do feel more capable and in control than I ever have in my life.
My grandmother used to tell me that age is a state of mind, not a number on the wall. I love my state of mind.
Deanna responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 2:13 pm #
I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too old to comment on this.
However, I will because one thing is for sure…no matter how old you are, you can’t believe it.
I do lie about my age. I feel I have to in my profession. Most women my age look terrible. I see on the TV someone who is 6 years younger than me and I think she’s old enough to be my mom.
I got into a discussion about lying about your age with another woman and she thought it was wrong. I felt that if I were open about my age, people might use it against me. If something goes wrong they could say…she’s too old for this. I could freak them out too as they realize (my clients) that I am as old or older than their moms. I don’t look it…I could pass for as much as 15 years younger than my age if not more so instead of people thinking “Wow she looks good for her age” I am concerned they will start seeing flaws. It’s like I grow into it.
Now I don’t really lie…I just never give my age. I try to avoid situations where i have to show my drivers license. I even refused to go into a bar when they asked for proof. I didn’t want the bouncer to scream…Wow you are so old!
Now to you Kate…enjoy your 20s and 30s. Those are great years. By the time you are 40, 40 will be considered young. 40 year olds today look a lot better than 40 year olds 10 years ago. Look at all the mega beauties in Hollywood…most are in their 40s. I also think that young women today seem a lot younger than women of my generation. When I was in college…working on being beautiful was considered foolish and shallow and I got a lot of grief from my fellow students about wearing lipstick and high heels. Now women can do all this and still be considered smart.
Mary responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 2:25 pm #
I am SO with you on this. I’m 28 and only recently gained the confidence to wear red lipstick in public. I’m starting a business with my husband. I’m doing a yoga teacher training. I’m pretty much making the big decisions that will shape my amazing career right now. I mean, I hope it’s amazing. It’s frustrating that there are so many (famous) people who have done incredible things years before me, but I have to remind myself that they’re the minority and I don’t need to live up to what other people have done.
Joy responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 2:42 pm #
Great topic. I have a student that works for me, and she’s a sophomore in college, around 19 maybe. She’s made a couple comments about 25 being old, and I tease her about what that makes me (I’m 27). I feel like I am at a weird point where age is everything and nothing. On the one hand, I have to think to recall how old I am – it’s not an all important thing like when we were younger, and those milestones like 16 and 21 were coming up. Even 25 was sort of exciting in a way. Now it’s more just dreading 30. Even though “40 is the new 30” or whatever silliness “they” are saying these days, it still feels like 30 is the start of a downhill slide into old age and infirmity. Cheery, huh? I got married (too) young, and have no interest in having children, so I am not even worried about those things. Just…making something of myself? Cramming in all the things I want to do that require a healthy and able body, before I reach the point of infirmity? It’s not something I dwell on overmuch, but sometimes the feeling of being old and aging creeps up and I start to feel a vague sense of impending doom. That I need to hurry up and do everything while I still can. (Maybe deciding to run my first half and full marathons this year, while working full-time and working on a masters part-time is related to this feeling?) And then I will go on about my day until something else happens to make me think about age and aging.
Kath responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 3:02 pm #
Turning 40 has been such a weird process for me. I just completed my undergraduate degree after 4 years of working and going to school and slogging along; unlike many of my friends I don’t have children; I feel like “YAY! Life is beginning!” yet I am on the cusp of being too old for a lot of things. I feel like I want to be 10 years younger again, just so I have the luxury of time to do many of the fun and exciting things I didn’t or couldn’t do when I was younger. I have no idea what to do or where I stand. It is hard to figure out what path I should be on . . .
So long story short, I hate the emphasis on age, and yet age hangs over us like an anvil and I wish it didn’t. I want to ignore it, but the world won’t let me .. .
Raven responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 3:30 pm #
A year ago in June, I finally received that B.A. my mother had expected me to get by 18. I grew up in a household where being a prodigy was *expected*, and so I rebelled against anything that smacked of effort, even if it was something I was something I wanted to do.
I may have started college early, but I sure didn’t finish early. During my last quarter at the UW, I was in the ceramic art studio working on one of my assigned projects, and in walked one of my fellow students–a 19 year old–who finally met the daughter I’d been talking about. The almost-ten year old daughter.
During the course of our conversation regarding my child’s age, she said, “It’s just that when you talked about having a daughter, I thought you meant a baby,” as if she imagined me to be a teen mother. She continued, “I thought you were college age.”
I said, “I am college age; I’m in college.”
“No, you know what I mean–college age?”
I shrugged and said, “I’m 31, but I’m in college. At the community college, I took classes with a woman in her eighties. Who decides what age you are permitted to learn things?”
She let it go verbally, but I could tell it had shattered her view of me. Another student walked in an hour later and asked whose kid that was sitting at the work table. The woman I had originally spoken to said, “oh, she’s mine,” and gave me a wink.
At a field trip from the same class, a teacher in his sixties joined us to help drive one of the vans, and we’d talked before. When one of the young women mentioned that I had a 10 year old daughter, he turned all the way around in his seat (while driving), gave me a look and said, “No you don’t.” And that was that.
Layla responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 3:58 pm #
I turned 30 this year, and while I still feel young, I also feel much happier with myself and much more confident than I ever have before. The last couple of years I have really made decisions for myself and stood up for what I want, and got out of bad relationships because I know my self-worth is more important. In my early 20s I just wanted to be in a relationship for the sake of it, much more destructive.
I also feel generally happier about my body and my appearance even though it’s not changed that much. I think when you’re 20 being in your 30s seems old, but like any age, when you get there it doesn’t seem old at all. Luckily I have friends in their 40s, 50s and 60s which helps me keep some perspective.
Dee responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 5:50 pm #
Age in general is a weird thing. The only birthday that bothered me was turning 20 because I wouldn’t be a teenager any more and so in the mind’s of others I would no longer have the excuse of being a teenager for stupid things I did. I will turn 60 on my birthday this year in October. A few years ago I stopped adding the year in January and now I won’t be 60 until the day!
As to having children while you are young enough to enjoy them, I did that and I adopted at 48 – an infant. I keep up and am having the time of my life with her. I am probably more concerned with my health than I might be if I didn’t have her because I need to live a long time so she won’t have to deal with losing her mom until she’s fully grown, which I think happens at 30.
Alison responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 6:18 pm #
I will be 32 in 11 days and I feel at my absolute peak of awesomeness right now. I love the clothes I wear, I feel confident in my appearance, my career has just arrived at a fabulous place.. 25 is young-young-young! Thinking back to when I was 25, I was only just starting my career, and pretty much still felt like a 19 year old. Now? I feel like things couldn’t get any better. I’m single, and not desperate for a partner, but definitely will be happy if I meet the man of my dreams tomorrow who wants to sweep me off my feet and have babies – I’m finally ready for that now. Age is a funny thing – the younger you are, the older everyone else seems, but once you reach the age of those ‘older’ girls, you realise that you’re much better off where you are now – don’t compare yourself with others. Age is just a number. Quite glad I’m not in my 20’s anymore – I didn’t really know who I was back then.. Enjoy them while they last though, and as my grandma always used to tell me, don’t wish your life away.. xx
San D responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 6:57 pm #
Age is a weird thing. I know. I’m 62 with shoes that are 25 years old. My students used to hear me say “when you are a parent, and I’m DEAD” you will do such and such. It always shocked them into reality. Here’s my take on my 62nd birthday:
http://rtlvr.wordpress.com/2011/04/22/todays-my-birthday/
justmama responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 7:46 pm #
As one of the “older women” who read your blog regularly, I hesitated to respond for a number of reasons. KUDOS to those of you who didn’t let your insecurities interfere!
As to your question, is 25 old? NO, absolutely not! There is a Danny Gokey song that includes the line… “…Age ain’t nothing but a number…Sometimes I have to wonder, what does it really mean?”
Sure there are opportunities that may have passed, things you could have done…but, you do not know what is down the line…and if you could see the older you, you would be amazed! Life has a way of sneaking up on us, changing our plans and surprising us with discoveries of ourselves, and that is probably for the best.
I was thinking about what it would be like if the 25 year-old me of yesteryear could meet the 47 year-old me of today. I think I would impress myself. The experiences the older me could share would shock, amaze and cause the younger me to wonder at this older woman’s strength and wisdom (well, I would hope) If someone had told me at 25 what was coming up….I would have run screaming into the hills, knowing that I could NOT possibly stand up to the trials and hard times.
In some ways I am far cooler and confident than I was at 25. Although, I am also more wrinkly, saggy and gray…oh well, whatever. While my life now is nothing like I had envisioned at 25, in many ways it is far better. Age doesn’t really matter…attitude does!
Thanks, Kate…for making your readers think…and for giving us opportunity to share.
P.S. I truly loved the letter from “sugar”! 🙂
Sooz responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 9:04 pm #
I’ll be 39 in two weeks. I often don’t feel “grown up”. I feel surrounded by other adults who have accomplished so much more than me. But I still cling to the idea that I am not meant to be in competition with anyone else. My path is my path. I cannot look to anyone else’s journey. It is hard to not judge oneself harshly since “go go go” & “do do do” are embedded in American society’s ideals. But, I am unique and not like anyone else so I can only do what I do. Hopefully at the end of my life I will look back and feel I did the best I could and was a kind and loving person. If I did and was then I will be satisfied that I did what I was sent here to do. Who could ask for anything more?!
blackdogramona responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 9:54 pm #
I am way older than you. I think age 28 was my most beautiful and vibrant age and for other women I know as well. At sexual prime, the stimulation of being on the upswing of career/job, more confidence with men, girlfriends, being more well-read, discovering all forms of art, no longer feeling like a child feeling ones way, but feeling worthy of being admitted into more sophisticated circles – yet still looking fresh and pretty, feeling fit and vital, so the best of both worlds, enjoy it before you FEEL the same, but may be, or fear being, perceived by others as an “older woman”, “old lady” though WHY should this make us feel shame? We are all living each day and getting older, hopefully wiser? We cannot remain young, alas.
Lauren responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 10:54 pm #
I used to hang out with a group of girls who used to say turning 25 was becoming a lady. So when each of these girls turned 25 we had this big becoming-a-lady celebration. I always thought it was kind of strange (being a bit younger than them). It was also around this time that all of them became marriage obsessed. One went so far to plan her wedding before her boyfriend even asked her to marry him (in a way, I think she forced it). The other got divorced and moved in with a different guy after knowing him for one month (and only a year later they had a baby together). 3 of them were getting married at the same time. As the only single female in the group, the intense amount of lady hormones were way too much for me to deal with. I stopped hanging out with them and I’m glad about that. I feel a lot less “female pressure,” so to speak, and am comfortable where I am in life, even if it is single and childless. Women create too many boundaries for each other. It’s kind of ridiculous.
Claire Allison responded on 18 Aug 2011 at 11:04 pm #
I enjoyed your mockery of the “have babies nooooow!” foreboding article in all the magazines. I am so profoundly sick of Gen Xers complaining about how they lost their right to birth and therefore I should stop “taking it for granted” as a possibility. It’s amusing how there’s this reverse in trends- ten year ago it was ” the baby can wait, wait, wait! have a career!” now it’s “the career can wait, wait, wait! Have a baby!` I feel like it`s a very frustratingly negative approach by these women who seem to feel left behind by the feminist approach.
And yes, it is weird how so many movie stars and pop stars are younger than us. I am convinced Lady Gaga is not 25 like us, it`s too bizarre to think she`s the same age as me.
Lynn responded on 19 Aug 2011 at 8:40 am #
For like, the millionth time, it sounds like you have literally taken this blog post right out of my brain 🙂 You have such a skill for writing in an open, approachable, relevant way 🙂 I am 28, and by far, 25 was the wierdest birthday I’ve experienced so far in my life. Both “old enough and young enough*, half of society telling you that you need to hurry up and settle and have children because you’re approaching 30, and the other half telling you you’re too young to want to settle and to go after your dreams because soon it’ll be too late….
I despise the idea that the only years of your life that *matter* are 20-29. That is only the bat of an eyelash when you look at your life as a whole. And even though I stongly believe that there is so much more to life than your 20’s, I do occasionally catch myself comparing myself to others, like “have I done enough?” Have I accomplished enough? Look at everything that lady did and she’s only 24? What am I doing with my life? Am I wasting my time? It’s a terrible, helpless feeling. Wow, this is coming out really rambly, sorry 🙂
Anyway, my point is, the older I get, the more I relaize that age is a state of mind, not a number, I know vibrant youthful amazing people or boring stodgy stuffy people of all ages. I know people who went back to school in theior 70’s, I know people who got married at 19 years old and are happy as clams. My fiance dropped out of college at 18 because of family issues and went back at 31. Everyone’s journey is going to be different, every moment is precious. Everyone’s definition of *old* and *young* is going to be different. Stay excited and joyful on the inside, never be afraid of an adventure, never forget how to play, never forget how to have fun, and you’ll never be old 🙂
Sari responded on 19 Aug 2011 at 9:13 am #
“Sometimes I feel like kind of a baby myself. Sometimes I feel disoriented in my grownup life. Sometimes I’m a little overwhelmed by everything I think I’m supposed to know by now, since twenty-five is old enough to know so many of the important, practical things.”
Or 26. Twenty-six, in a serious relationship with a man 10 years my senior. All of the people closest to me *knew* I’d end up with someone older, so that is no real shock. But sometimes the gap in years and experiences is like a pie in the face, all the things I haven’t been able to do in my life. All those things that I know, on some level, I will give up in order to remain in this relationship. (Which isn’t to say that there aren’t some amazingly beautiful things I gain. I do. Tons.)
And even with the age gap, there is plenty I DO know and offer. My input and wisdom are valued.
I surprise myself with how often I “feel” much younger than my age. (As much as one “feels” a certain age.) Aren’t I supposed to be working my way up some sort of corporate career ladder or something? Don’t most people my age have a significant amount of experience behind the wheel of a car? (No joke.) And whatever else… the real things. But I don’t think you ever catch up. I think even the confident, mature, older women (and men) still have moments where they feel an age far beneath their years…
Louise, aged 16 responded on 19 Aug 2011 at 10:38 am #
At the moment I so glad that I live in this time and place.
I begin to feel old at 16 after reading about historical events like the marriage of Marie Antoinette at age 14. I cannot even imagine being married at this age. Some days I just can’t believe how quick the years have flown past! When it comes to families and children, I guess it really depends on the person and their relationship and situation.
My friends parents had the first of their children at 19, whereas my Mum had me when she was 37. It is really bizarre about those actresses, I always assume that female leading actresses have to be at least 28! I think 25 seems a great age because you still have tons of options of what to do with your life and you can chop and change when you feel. Enjoy it!
Deanna responded on 19 Aug 2011 at 1:19 pm #
@sooz. I really hear what you are saying. People are so into accomplishments and deadlines that we forget what’s really important. I think as women we are made to feel no matter what choice we make, it’s the wrong choice. If you choose career over child then you lose out on the joys of motherhood; if you choose motherhood over career you are considered an underachiever and if you choose both…then you are criticized for doing both not well enough. It’s a lose lose battle and the one thing that getting older offers us is the faith that none of this really much matters.
I always felt like an underachiever. I was a top notch student but never went to a top notch college because my parents didn’t have money and we were ‘under’ informed about loans and scholarships. I always struggled with my career having to take lesser jobs because I had to work and the right job never came along. However, today I realize that despite all the set backs I still raised two beautiful daughters, started my own business and managed a household through many many moves both domestic and international. I may not get a ‘purple heart’ for my achievements, but many people would fold under that pressure.
We put way too much emphasis on achieving. No one cares much about the soul or the heart or that je ne sais quoi that makes each person an individual and special caring more about ‘what have you done lately.’
Bless you for understanding this at a relatively young age. It took me much longer.
Lauren responded on 19 Aug 2011 at 4:54 pm #
How funny; I just wrote about something similar a couple of days ago. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing at my age (23) because so many people have it so together – or at least, it seems that way – but I still feel like I can’t really have it together because I’m not old enough yet. And then I feel older than most of the people my age, because I’m already married. But then I feel younger because I don’t have kids. I don’t know. The perception of age is weird.
I’m hoping I’ll figure things out as I go along, because really, what else can you do?
Kate responded on 19 Aug 2011 at 4:58 pm #
I was kind of surprised by the women who said they felt awkward posting a comment because they are older than me. But I probably shouldn’t have been, because that’s just the thing with the way age is perceived– it can be alienating!
Anyway, I want and need that input! I love learning your thoughts.
Danielle responded on 19 Aug 2011 at 6:32 pm #
First, I love your blog.
Second, you rock short hair.
Third, The older I get (I’m 33 now), the better I feel about life. When I hit 30, I was excited. I kept thinking “I MADE IT!” I made it through my 20s…and now I could look back with perspective that only comes from living life. I WISH I knew in my 20’s what I know now in my 30s, and I predict that when I am in my 40’s and my 50’s I will look back and say the same about each preceding decade.
From what I read on this blog, you are the wisest 20-something that I’ve ever encountered! If you stay true to yourself, I have no doubt you will be happy and have no regrets.
pam responded on 23 Aug 2011 at 12:34 pm #
I’ve been reading your blog on and off for a while. I think you are my twin! I’m 24, about to be 25, we look slightly similar, and the issues you talk about are ones I often think about!
Okay, so maybe we aren’t twins, but I really relate to your blog. It’s refreshing to read a blog that isn’t telling me I need to eat vegan food, buy only organic products, lose weight (which is now disguised as “toning up”), and to wear all this makeup so I can look like some girl who had a lucky chance at being miss everything I’m not.
You are accomplishing something at your age. You are reaching out to your other “twins,” letting us know it’s okay we are ourselves.