Things I don't remember I'm supposed to care about
My eyebrows. I can’t keep this in my head. People do stuff to their eyebrows all the time, and somehow, I just never learned about it. I think I’m supposed to get them waxed. Last night I pulled half of one of them out, without noticing. I was writing, concentrating hard, and I didn’t like the way some of the hairs were sticking up, the wrong way, so I started worrying at them. And then this morning I was missing half of one eyebrow, and it is really awkward, especially because I have this corporate job interview thing today.
The way I smell. I mean, I don’t want to stink, obviously. But it never occurs to me to pick nice smelling products chiefly because they will make me smell nice. And perfume almost never smells nice. I don’t even pick shampoo with any care. As a result, I don’t think I have a distinct smell, that a man can say “Oh, god, that sweet scent! It drives me mad with desire! The beautiful Kate has passed this way…” about. One day, like three relatives, after hugging me, said, “You smell good!” I think I had put some acne cream on my face. I always sort of think that I should cultivate a distinct, lovely scent. But I can’t seem to get around to it.
(source)
Matching lingerie. This might not actually be a real thing. I might just be getting this from movies. But I know they sell sets in Victoria’s Secret, and I know I never buy them because I’m cheap and even if I did buy them, given the state of my underwear drawer, I’ll never find the other half of the set anyway, and I’m always only there to buy one thing, which is always a totally simple bra, because my last totally simple bra is all warped and the underwire is turning into a sculpture– maybe it’s a commentary on a bra now, titled “Woman’s Pain.”
Whether or not my bag matches my outfit. OK, I do care about this a little. But probably not nearly enough. If I cared more, I’d buy a nice purse. Where do you even find one of those? I really liked on this woman had on the train, and I asked her where she got it, and she said from a street vendor for $2. I’m not sure if that says something about purses or about my taste or both or what.
The little hairs above my lip. They are there, but I don’t really notice them. Should I care? I can’t tell. So I just don’t. This is a lot like eyebrows.
How my butt looks in those jeans. It looks good. Done. Why is my butt my favorite feature? I can’t even really see it that well. Is that part of the reason? Please, no.
There are a lot more. A LOT MORE. But I’m tired of thinking of them. Sometimes the amount of things women are supposed to care about blows my mind. All of these tiny things. All of these various, complicated kinds of makeup. And then there are the body lotions. Whole stores just for lotions. I can’t keep up. Maybe I’m just lazy?
But then there are all of the things I care too much about, that are just as arbitrary. The way my ankles look in shoes, the shape of my upper arms, whether or not my jacket is too bulky. So maybe I dodged a bullet on the matching lingerie. Or maybe this is all just a lesson in “this is all a little random/crazy…” Which is a good lesson to learn, because maybe it’ll take some of the bite out of “Everyone thinks your earlobes look funny when you wear that dress.” Which is something I’ve said to myself before and will probably say to myself again.
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Unroast: Today I love the way I look in those long, winter socks. I think I’m just really into winter right now.
Here’s a cake eating photo that’s going into the gallery. This is from the author of that cool book where women share their weight. Guys– send me more cake shots! I love them!
Kate on November 2nd 2011 in Uncategorized
Melanie responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 11:11 am #
Ask your boo about your scent. You do have your own unique scent that drives sexually compatible men wild. It’s your pheramones. It’s totally chemically and hormonal. Perfume is gross.
melissa responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 11:27 am #
hahaha same here! I guess when kids don’t pick on you for these things they don’t really hold you hostage like other things.
I agree with melanie, people have their own smells. I don’t quite understand it and always thought maybe it was just clean laundry or something. I had creepy boys sniff my head all the time in high school :/ And now my male cat does it. it’s creepy.
Just as well because I seriously can’t stand perfumes.
Kate responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 11:30 am #
I actually have a friend who always smells like clean laundry, and I have to resist the urge to sniff her. It’s a really nice smell.
Rachel responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 11:46 am #
Beauty products are confusing. When I started trimming my budget, this was what I attacked first. I threw out face lotion and switched to olive oil. I use shampoo to wash my face. Conditioner reluctantly becomes shaving cream, at times.
And I know the second I can afford a good skin care routine again, I might actually appreciate it, stick to it even. But until then, I use what I can afford and laugh every time I read the ingredients for “body wash” and “shampoo” and see that they’re almost the same.
Amy responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 12:07 pm #
I care about scent. I have a favorite perfume and I use soaps, lotions and deodorants that coordinate with it and don’t compete.
I don’t tweeze or otherwise shape my brows. I will occasionally take out a handful of hairs that don’t fall into a regular eyebrow zone just to neaten things up. Otherwise I like my nice, full, Brooke Shields-esque brows. My daughter has a unibrow. She’s eight. I admit to wondering if I should do something about it and when I should.
I have fine blond hairs on my upper lip. Wax strips are awesome. 5-10 minutes work = weeks of not worrying.
I have a pretty, small beauty mark on the right side of my jaw that I love. My husband likes to kiss me there. Unfortunately, I’ve got a long rogue black hair that loves to grow right next to it. What the heck it that?! I have a pair of tweezers in my purse, in my car and in two of my bathrooms for the sole purpose of managing that frieking hair.
Matching lingerie. Now that’s funny. Ahahahahahahaha. Uh. No. I have several of the same style of bra that I feel works for my shape and size. I wear the newer ones “out” and the saggy greyish ones (you all know what I’m talking about) around the house. White cotton panties. What does my husband think? He doesn’t give a crap about lingerie. Naked and willing is more to his taste.
I do match my purse to my outfit or the occasion…even the weather. That is something I think about, maybe too much. If my best leather purse got wet I’d freak.
camelshoes responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 12:31 pm #
Yes, to eyebrows, lip hair, handbags, ‘signature smell, everything. I don’t understand any of them. Or doing make up… Then I feel like I’m not doing ‘being a woman’ correctly.. :S I guess advertising does sneak it’s way in – the way women are supposed to magically and effortlessly do all these things and look (and smell) lovely all the time when actually it must take ages, cost heaps (and probably is quite tedious when compared with other things you could be doing).
I was secretly pleased when I accidentally matched my lingerie the other day (sort of – different brand but same colour, does that even count as matching? I’m claiming it anyway!)
Marie responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 12:36 pm #
I think I started worrying about most of those things recently, mostly because I wanted to see if doing things to fit my ideal of a grown woman actually made me feel happier about myself. I have a lazy approach to just about all of it though- I put small things into my getting ready routine so I never have to think much about all of it. And my lazy way to matching lingerie is to buy 2-3 sets of underwear that coordinate with each bra I have. Besides, those coordinated sets look so uncomfortable.
Plus, I really really really love this line:
my last totally simple bra is all warped and the underwire is turning into a sculpture– maybe it’s a commentary on a bra now, titled “Woman’s Pain.”
Fallen From Flavour responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 1:06 pm #
I have an occasional bout of selective amnesia when it comes to a few things that I really ought to care about.
I acknowledge that by a certain age, a woman ought to have some kind of signature scent, but I tend not to wear perfume very much. I do have a few favourites, Kenzo’s ‘Amour’ which fittingly, I think, I bought to wear for my wedding day. I try to remember to wear it on our anniversaries – I say ‘anniversaries’ because we celebrate our wedding day on the exact date each month rather than just once a year – and ‘monthlies’ just sounds plain wrong.
I like the candy sweetness of Kenzo’s ‘Flower’ too. If I’m wearing vintage clothes and am feeling bossy and matronly, I wear Chanel’s ‘Coco’, but really, that’s about it. Nowadays, I think I smell of ‘Eau de Frazzled Housewife’ more than anything else.
My eyebrows were last plucked around the time of my wedding in order for there to be one less thing for me to nit-pick about when inspecting the close-up photos, but they don’t really need it – I prefer them au naturel.
As for waxing, I will never quite get used to having an entire layer of my epidermis removed just for the sake of so-called silky legs. So my motto is: ‘razor where I can, wax where necessary’.
Tempest responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 1:09 pm #
even though I’m a born multi-tasker, there is no way I can keep on top of these things all at once. The eyebrows are fine, and then one day they are not. The lip is fine, and then OMG. If I travel and my products are in different places, things go awry and I forget to do something, like put on essential oil, or deodorant. I run one purse at a time, unless room dictates I need something bigger/smaller. Never had matching lingerie sets. It would just never work out.
Maybe I just need more sleep, or maybe I just am too busy living/doing Other Stuff, but yeah, all of these things, all at once, impossible.
Kerry responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 1:14 pm #
Sorry to offend Melanie who states that perfume is “gross,” but I enjoy it. There’s a great deal of research out their that ties scent to happiness and I fall into those who experience a positive connection between the two. I never notice my own “natural” scent – which I’m sure is just fine – but throughout the day will catch a slight drift of my perfume (been wearing the same for 10 years) when I move suddenly, and it lifts my mood. It’s a simple enough luxury that makes me happy out of the blue. Same with sometimes knowing that my undies match, especially when things get sexy.
(Just wanted to note that this post was about your personal preferences – commenters be wary of falling into “I don’t care about that, so let’s make people who do feel silly!” mode)
Love that bra/sculpture thing – What a pretty little thought!
Kimmy Sue Ruby Lou responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 1:29 pm #
now i can relate to this…have never been a slave to fashion, and eventually found a way (and totally by accident) to combine my frugal side (thrift stores for me) with my funky nature…it’s called a cheap “hoochie” top with overalls…and i’m just a denim freak…maybe just a freak :)…as for all the things women are programmed (?) to worry about, it is a bit ridiculous…and i don’t think i’ve ever had a matching bra and panty set…i had a sexy lacy one once, but it turned out to not be so sexy because my boobs itched like crazy and i was always scratching them, so i more or less was like a guy who can’t stop scratching his goodies…HOWEVER, i do get my brows waxed once in a while and i like the way they
look…when i remember to do it 🙂 my signature scent is sandalwood oil…small bottle from health unlimited, $6, lasts 6 months…and i do get the “oh, come here and let me smell you” comments…
Deanna responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 2:05 pm #
I started doing my brows around my 150th birthday (LOL) and it did make a huge difference. I have uber sensitive skin so I have to go to very good places and make sure they are careful. I do this about twice a year and it made a big difference in my face.
I’m a bit of a girlie girl…I’m sorry as I know that’s sort of uncool on this blog, but I do enjoy pampering. However, let’s talk matching underwear. Oy. Never. I do buy them but like you said, who knows where the other piece is when I find the panties. The bra…like my socks…has gone out dancing.
Can we talk about hair? I never learned how to do hair. I have difficult hair…sort of curly, fine, messy, full of cowlicks etc and because of these issues I never learned how to style. My sister has all these devices she uses and all these fancy names for things and it takes her hours to do her hair. Me…find me a rubberband please.
So even though I do brows and I love make up and perfume, I am still kind of a tom boy when it comes to underwear and hairstyles.
Sooz responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 2:47 pm #
hahaha. this is a funny post! i love fashion and glam but am THE laziest woman when it comes to doing all the stuff females are supposed to do. i hate shaving so when it’s winter i often just don’t. i cut off all my hair so i wouldn’t have to style it. or comb it. 🙂 hee hee. i love makeup and have tons but usually wind up wearing mascara and chapstick. i love fashion but couldn’t be bothered to coordinate a “look” and usually wind up looking like a disheveled absent-minded professor. i always think i look terrible but people often tell me i look just fine. one time, in the middle of a supermarket i realized my pants were on backwards!!!! I could feel bad or self-conscious about all this but mostly I just laugh and giggle at how goofy and clueless I am. Thanks for such a fun post!!!!!
T.K. responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 3:04 pm #
I agree with all of the above, although I’ve got to say that matching bra/panty sets are fun to have around for special dress-up occasions. And there is something about matching sets that makes everything look and feel that much more in proportion. But Victoria Secret? On a writer’s income? No, no, nooooo Kate. So not necessary. Rainbow and Conway sell fun pretty $7 sets. They also sell bras for like $5.
Deb responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 3:12 pm #
I used to want to do that with perfume too – always wear the same one so people would associate it with me. But most perfumes give me headaches. I don’t like being assaulted in elevators by perfume, and man perfume is the WORST to me. Like the smell equivalent of a guy wearing a giant gold chain on his chest because he’s too awesome to button his shirt. You should only smell someone’s perfume when you are hugging or kissing them. It should be part of an intimate moment, not an attack on the unsuspecting. I buy unscented everything, except shampoo. I want to smell clean, that’s enough.
I get my brows and lip waxed when I get my hair cut, every 6-8 weeks, so kill 2 or 3 birds with that stone. I feel my best with freshly waxed brows.
Matching lingerie? Girl, please. That’s all Hollywood Myth, in my opinion.
Ellen responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 3:29 pm #
I think this is my favorite post of yours. : ) You could start a whole series! Aside from it being crack-up funny, I appreciated the reminder about how arbitrary the few things that I do obsess about are. Like not wearing black and brown together, which I’m pretty sure is a fashion rule that has been abandoned, and yet I still can’t bring myself to do it. On the flip side, the other day I decided to wear capri pants with boots, knowing full well that the internet is full of admonishments against it. I liked the way my particular legs looked in those particular pants and boots together, and I decided I didn’t care what anyone else thought. I felt kinda proud of myself for that.
Dee responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 3:33 pm #
omg sooz you made me laugh out loud! when i was 20 something i used to coordinate panty color with t-shirt and socks just because it was fun and beside you never know when you’ll be in an accident and the nurses will talk about your outfit as they strip the clothes from your injured body. i had a unibrow until i was 24 and a girl i worked with tweezed them during break and they never grew back. i’ve tweezed maybe 3 or 4 stray hairs since and that was 30 odd years ago. i have always had dark hair on my lip and now that i’m old on my chin sometimes. i love waxing! i almost never shave my legs – no hair there. i used fragrance free deodorant and laundry soap because my daughter is severely allergic to chemical perfumes, although some natural fragrances are okay. my beauty routine – wash face moisturize and IF i wear makeup it takes all of five minutes – can’t figure out what to do with more time. my purse doesn’t match anything – it’s either cute or practical.
Krystina responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 4:05 pm #
Hey Kate~ Lovely post. I guess you hit it on the head ’cause every chick relates to this. Maybe not 100% but pretty darn close. I have hardly no eyebrows and would love to have some to “manage” or tweeze every now and then. My mom says I have “comma” eyebrows. I had to get lessons on how to fill them in. LOL Seriously. I do like my body sprays and perfumes. I love a lot of those from Bath and Body Works, Avon and my all time favorite is Clinique’s Happy. Yum. My boyfriend says I smell good all the time. 🙂 I do not have matching bra and panty sets. It doesn’t sound like a lot of girls on here do either. I like my soft nighties. 😉 I cannot afford Victoria’s Secret. I’m a cheapskate. My butt….”is like one of those rap guy’s girlfriend’s butts.” No joke. I got junk in the trunk. Proud of it. I have several solid color purses that I trade out with my sisters. My hair is still growing in from having a brain operation…I’m sporting a pixie. Thanks for the post Kate!
Spelling responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 5:30 pm #
Mmm, gotta agree with you on the whole upper-lip-hair thing. Drives me nuts too. Can other people see it, or is it just some hair that for some reason has no pigment?
The questions we all ask ourselves at 4:30 PM.
jss responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 5:48 pm #
I LOVE this post. People are constantly telling me how great I smell, which must be based entirely on whatever shampoo I bought because it was on sale. Meanwhile, my poor boyfriend is convinced that he smells bad – he doesn’t, ever, even after a long run – and showers twice a day, then covers himself with Eternity for Men. That’s one of those things that I’m very blessed to not care/think about. 🙂
Diana responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 6:53 pm #
My eyebrows are blond, thick and invisible. My excuse not to do anything to them was noone could see them anyway, so why pay attention to them. The lady who cuts my hair recently said, “Let’s try something new,” and dyed them red to match my hair. Never. Again. All of the sudden, all I could see was my eyebrows! I can’t wait for the color to go away so I can recognize my face in the mirror again. If I have some Big Thing coming up (maybe twice a year), I have my eyebrows shaped and waxed, but only if I have nothing going on that day because I will have two bright red stripes of raw skin under my eyebrows for the rest of the day. Not. Pretty.
As for smell, I stumbled upon Alba Lavender Body Wash. I bought a tiny travel size bottle just to try it and was hooked. A random magazine article said I should “layer” my fragrances, so I started looking for a scent that had lavender in it and found Crabtree & Evelyn Wisteria, which is what I wear year around. A quick trip to C&E online showed me I could go garanimal with the scent, but I haven’t gone that far yet. When I watched the movie “Scent of a Woman” and the woman used Ogilvy Sisters soap, I wondered what special scent it was (clean? sexy? spicy?) but not enough to track it down.
Matching lingerie is something new for me. Mine reside next to the beige and white everyday items. Sometimes I just wear them to remind myself I own a set; other times I wear them for my husband who occasionally needs a visual cue. For Amy; “naked and willing is more to his taste” kept me giggling for several minutes.
I care a lot about which bag I’m using. My concern segues into what coat I’m wearing, what is the weather like, if I need my laptop with me, if I’m going to need simple essentials that slide into a coat pocket or do I need a bigger bag that can carry car keys, a phone, a book and snacks, water, notebooks, plus a baggie of cat treats in case I run across a stray in the parking lot. Will it be the smart little black leather doctor-shaped bag or the green corduroy bohemian bag with the monkey emblem on the pocket? Or one of the other 15 other bags awaiting their day in the sun? I actually own a “nice” purse, but I never use it. It just sits there, waiting for the day I’ll actually have an outfit, coat, weather and occasion deemed important enough to use it. It could happen.
For my upper lip, I bought a small travel-size battery-operated Braun razor years ago and use it every other day. Its use migrates to my chin when I sprout the occasional single coarse hair out of thin air. I tried waxing, tweezing and ignoring, but shaving just makes sense to me even though it feels rather masculine instead of feminine in the morning.
The butt topic is difficult; I like the shape; it’s the jeans that offend me. I find if my butt fits into a pair of jeans and looks good even under florescent lights in a tiny changing room, I’ll buy them, but I’m never completely satisfied. It actually helps if my husband says, “You really rock those jeans” but still, I don’t ever completely believe him. Does anyone?
Barbara responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 7:52 pm #
I’m a little embarrassed that I care so much about fragrance. My collection of spritzes and sprays and oils and even scented shower gels and lotions is out of control. But it has less to do with trying to cultivate some kind of personal scent signature and more to do with just loving things that smell good. And I’m actually really picky about what I’ll buy, because it’s true, most popular perfumes just smell terrible (but they sell because there is some celebrity name or fashionable logo slapped on the label).
The one girly thing I’m supposed to care about but just can never bring myself to is my nails. Maybe it’s because I’m a programmer, so I spend a ridiculous amount of my day typing. I see these gorgeous polishes and think “oh that’s nice – on your nails”. As for my own, I’m content with clipping and maybe filing them down every few weeks. They’re pretty raggedy looking, and I’m fine with that.
Ellen responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 11:36 pm #
I love the natural scent of bodies. Even sweaty, dirty bodies (to a point and in context. Out in the field? Yes. Hiking? Yes. Class? Not so much). I really dislike “body odor” being considered a bad thing. Why give the simple smell of bodies over to the pejorative? Yeah, my body smells like a body. Why is that such a bad thing?
Erin responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 11:56 pm #
We have pretty much the same list on things we forget. I’ve noticed the past few days my eyebrows are crazy actually, but I’ve yet to do anything. Hair removal is generally something I’m behind the times on. I didn’t even know people did things with that blonde hair above your lip.
I always pick peppermint shampoos and soaps, just because I like that it tingles. That’s about it.
I really just don’t enjoy underwear in general, so having a matching set would be silly.
Amy responded on 03 Nov 2011 at 8:56 am #
Perfume is something I always forget about. I have one but it’s about six years old and is worn maybe twice a year.
I have a friend who is so perfectly preened it marvels me. She epilates, and moisturises, and exfoliates and her room is a haven of beauty products and luxury. It’s a wonder to behold, but every time I try to be half as conscientious I become bored with the whole thing after about three days and think ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’.
You’re right about caring about some things though – I almost never leave the house without foundation; I care about what I wear *a lot* and the funny crown I have at the back of my head which makes my hair stick up causes me endless grief.
I think these things tow a fine line between self care and self abuse though. It’s one thing when you enjoy, as my friend does, a life of self-pampering, and plucking your eyebrows makes you feel done up, and you like the smell of your perfume then go for it. It’s when you do those things from a negative place that I think it can become problematic – not necessarily your fault, but I’d much rather people were enjoying moisturising than doing it because they hated their skin!
Kate responded on 03 Nov 2011 at 11:21 am #
@Amy
Honestly, I didn’t even know “epilate” was a word! I feel ignorant in the ways of being a woman…
🙂
Kate responded on 03 Nov 2011 at 11:23 am #
@Melanie
Bear liked your comment a lot and mentioned it to me
Kate responded on 03 Nov 2011 at 11:25 am #
@T.K.
I think the reason I end up Victoria’s Secret is just that I don’t know where else to go and it’s big and obvious. Although my last few bras were actually from Mandee’s. Thanks for the tip!
I Couldn’t Say It Better Myself | Jo, Rooting responded on 03 Nov 2011 at 4:38 pm #
[…] thought about this the other day…about how terrible I am at actually being girly. And this list by the wonderful, wonderful Kate really says almost all of it. I love the heck out of her, […]
Jo responded on 03 Nov 2011 at 4:39 pm #
LOVE this post! So very, very much.
tirzahrene responded on 04 Nov 2011 at 9:47 am #
I’m a terrible girl in a lot of ways. I wear the same earrings nearly every day, which are small surgical stainless hoops (okay, they’re the captive bead ring hoops they gave me when they pierced my ears. I can’t get the beads back in. I still wear the hoops) and hardly any other jewelry, ever.
I can’t remember the last time I plucked my eyebrows. I have strong eyebrows.
I don’t own a blowdryer. I’m always threatening to cut my hair even shorter. Someday I will shave it all just because I can. My hair looks a little bit different every day because all I can do is go with the flow of whatever it already wants to do. Oh, and my hair is purple right now. It’s the fourth color this year, I think.
My hair removal schedule is as erratic as my nail maintenance, and if you could see my toes right now you’d know exactly how ragged that is.
I keep trying to wear perfume or otherwise make myself smell good but I just wind up thinking, “Man, what stinks?!” and realize that it’s me. I don’t like giving myself a headache.
So – <3
Hannafate responded on 05 Nov 2011 at 10:52 am #
Who says we’re supposed to care about these things? Anyone whose opinion we respect? I haven’t shaved my legs or armpits in over twenty years. I never plucked my eyebrows, and I only pluck the hairs on my chin when they start to tickle.
People still love me. *shrug*
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