Eat the Damn Cake

I want to dress like a pirate queen. The urge hit me the other night after watching “Original Sin.” Halfway through the movie, Bear got up and left.

“Honey?” I called after him, my eyes glued to the screen.

“This is too disturbing,” came his voice from the other room. “You can watch it without me.”

Bear can watch horror movies and not be disturbed, but when someone’s wife has been abused (or a rape is implied), he cannot handle it.

It sounds terrible in a way to say that I can handle it, but honestly, I was kinda watching the movie for Angelina’s face and her clothes. And also her jewelry. The last image, of her face, with the red jewel and gold choker— above the floating, pure white dress– GOD. So beautiful. So graceful and mysterious and magical and otherworldly.

“Come on, honey,” I pleaded. “I’m skipping this scene where– oh, yeah, I think this is a brothel– I’m skipping it! We’re going to watch the ending, where they’re happy!”

Bear wasn’t interested. “There can be no happy ending to this story,” he said, refusing to come back to the couch.

I watched the last scene, which is mostly about her face, alone. And then I felt inspired. I wanted to wear gowns. I wanted to wear flowy things. I wanted to be mysterious and graceful and otherworldly. I went to the closet and started pulling dresses off of hangers and combining them with filmy scarves and gold hoops. The short hair didn’t seem to fit (I looked more like a servant girl than royalty) so I put it under a scarf. That didn’t work either. I decided I wasn’t going to be a princess– I was more of a pirate queen.

(that’s my sexy pose. sorry, parents! Being sexy on the internet! But I can’t help it– pirate queens are sexy)

 

 

Bear was much more interested in this part of the evening. “I think a pirate queen would wear less clothing,” he said, unhelpfully.

“Close your eyes!” I said. “I’m not done with the outfit!”

“I’m a pirate king, you know,” he said. He lingered,  hoping a seduction would ensue, wrapping a pirate-y scarf around his head and taking about his watery kingdom. But I was much more interested in wearing clothes than taking them off.

I looked awesome as a pirate queen. I was impressed. I had one of those glorious moments where I was looking in the mirror, thinking, “Who is that stunning creature reflected in the glass? Surely it is a vision from the gods!” (Not my exact thought words, actually.)

And then I decided something. I made another New Year’s resolution, because it’s never too late for a good resolution.

Drum roll please. In the year that came before this budding, fresh one, I made a number of practical resolutions relating mostly to oral hygiene, making money, and improving my depraved posture. But for this unfolding series of months that bear the title 2012, I shall make this new solemn promise to myself (and I shall continue to floss my teeth, but I shall do it because flossing is important for gum health, rather than out of guilt):

I want to wear more ridiculous outfits.

Yup.

I am a little ridiculous and I don’t celebrate or acknowledge it enough. I am still a girl who dresses up like an elfin goddess warrior occasionally. For fun. In the privacy of my home. Like I did when I was twelve and fourteen. And not that I want to put on my wedding gown and walk down 14th street, like that girl who was also wearing a backpack who I saw doing that– but I probably can get more creative than the jeans and sweater I’ve been wearing.

I started wearing more normal clothes in college, when I realized that it was important to appear normal.

But this is  New York City. The other day, one of my friends came over wearing this lacey, flowing tunic over the rest of her outfit. And her shoes were solid chunks about five inches high. And her coat was a block of faux fur. And her lips were a daring shade of darkest red. And she looked incredible. She looked like something out of a portal to another world.

Once in college, I wore a long, dark red skirt with bells on it to class and a belted tunic under a tiny red vest. I felt like a rebel. I felt glowingly self-conscious the whole day. It was awesome, but maybe not worth it, so I didn’t do it again.

But it’s been a while. And sometimes I feel like a girl who has just walked through a portal into this city. And sometimes this city feels a little like a fantasy world.

Sometimes I get this urge to stand up very straight and gracefully bare my bejeweled neck and wear a gown or something wild and elfin and startlingly lovely. Not just after watching Angelina Jolie movies. It’s a part of who I am. These jeans are just a costume. Inside, I might be a pirate queen.

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What’s your ridiculous outfit? I want to hear about it!

Unroast: Today I love the way I look in long dresses. I’m having a hard time remember why I bought so many short ones.

Giveaway over here! Win awesome free stuff!! I’m gonna keep mentioning it until it’s over, which is in a couple days.

New cake pics! That’s some classic NY cheesecake right there. I could really go for some of that right now…Y0u know you want to send me some of you….So do it already!