little victories: BOMBSHELL!!
There are some things I stopped wearing when my belly stopped being flat. Tight dresses, for one. I used to have a skintight gray knit dress that I thought was the hottest thing in the world. I gave it away when I gained weight.
I hit my heaviest weight ever (again) back in November and I’m still there. Which kinda surprised me the last time I weighed myself (at my parents’ house, of course, since I don’t own a scale). I thought I’d slip back. I thought I’d return to normal. Y’know, to my real body.
I think this might be normal, guys.
And the good news is, there’s a chance I’m curvy now! At least a little. I think I might be. Even my boobs are contributing, in the gradual, half-hearted manner in which I used to do my laundry after my mom reminded me ten times.
I didn’t know until I put on this incredibly tight dress covered in rabbits. And then it turned out that I am a (potential?) bombshell. It was like BAM BAM BAM!
BOOBS BELLY BUTT!
My first thought, which came out high and squeaky with shock, was “Wait– really? Nice!”
This is all wrong.
I am not supposed to like being at my heaviest weight. I am supposed to want to shed those pounds ASAP!! Girl, get some self control! I am supposed to be panicking. I am supposed to be dreading summer and calculating how many hours per day I should spend on the treadmill, starting NOW, right after I eat this chocolate croissant and its adorable twin and their slightly smaller cousin who would’ve been lonely otherwise. I am supposed to feel disappointed in myself. I am supposed to have failed.
But this curvy body feels like a friggin’ celebration.
“Wait for it,” I told Bear, pulling the rabbit dress on in the bedroom while he tested his bloodsugar (diabetes: it always has to get in on the action) in the kitchen.
“Whoa,” he said, when I came out. “Wow. Your body is amazing. Wow.” (The fact that Bear is really articulate makes this an even bigger compliment.)
“Right? RIGHT?”
I’m drunk on it. Thank you, mirror! Thank you, bagels! Thank you, poor willpower!
I’m not sure how I missed this. I kept interpreting it wrong. I kept thinking “gross” instead of “gorgeous.” Those silly G words that end in S. I watched my arm spread along the back of the couch. Was that a dimple, swimming in the fat? Should I kill myself now, or after the third croissant?
“Angelina’s arms are skeletal,” said my friend, who had actually seen the star in person. “She looks like she might be sick. It looks unhealthy.”
First my brain went, “I wish mine were more like that.” Then I said, “That’s really sad.”
I didn’t want to go shopping. I thought, “I can never wear a sleeveless shirt again. Ever. This is the end of sleeveless shirts.”
I thought, “I can never wear a strapless dress again. Ever. This is the end of an era.”
I thought, “Maybe I should grow my hair long again, because only skinny people look good with short hair. There’s some kind of law.”
I thought, “Every single one of my friends is ten times hotter than me.”
Yesterday, another girl asked my friend if she was a model. I stood there and smiled and nodded along. Yes, she does have the bone structure for it.
I will never be asked that question.
I will never have a face for TV. Or a body for a billboard. If I am ever very famous and on the cover of a magazine just because they have to put me there, they will go crazy with the photoshop, in an effort to make me look the way beautiful women are supposed to look and less like the way I actually look. Because the way I actually look is too confusing for popular consumption.
But god, I like this body right now.
I think I might be high on something. Croissants? Whatever’s in diet Dr. Pepper? Life?
No. I know. It’s the rabbit dress.
(click on the last couple photos for a clearer view of the rabbits. I’m not making them up, I swear)
* * *
Anyone else out there enjoying their round belly/weight gain? Are you surprised? Do you have a bombshell outfit?
Unroast: Today I love the way I look in ALL of the photos of me in the rabbit dress. CRAZY.
Other Little Victories posts: “schlumpy phase” and the one about my boobs, which is linked somewhere in the post above.
Kate on January 23rd 2012 in Uncategorized
JessB responded on 24 Jan 2012 at 7:25 pm #
Wow, Kate, you are looking super hot! I love it.
I do have a bombshell outfit, in fact I have two. One is a very dressy wine coloured formal dress, which I love, and the other is my 2011-12 summer dress. My dad got it for me for my birthday in November, so I wore it that day, to my graduation in December, to my Dad’s birthday, for Christmas, and will wear it for my sister’s birthday this week too.
It’s a 1950’s style dress, which is black with blue flowers. I wear it with my bombshell red lipstick and can feel the love from and for my Dad every time I put it on. I even get a little ‘love shock’ sometimes when I see it hanging in my wardrobe.
It is great to have an outfit that you know you rock.
Kate responded on 24 Jan 2012 at 10:27 pm #
@Hayley Rose
I was 20 lbs lighter. I was definitely really thin. So sometimes I feel stupid for even caring about the extra 20 lbs. But somehow that has never stopped me from caring. So I figure it counts. It’s not about what I actually looked like before or now or later. It’s how I feel. And it’s this way for everyone.
Kate responded on 24 Jan 2012 at 10:29 pm #
@JessB
I love that your dad got you a bombshell dress! He must have good fashion sense. And I love that you wear it with bright red lipstick. Perfect.
bethany actually responded on 25 Jan 2012 at 1:45 am #
You’re right; you look fantastic!!! Also, the line, “I think I might be high on something. Croissants? Whatever’s in diet Dr. Pepper? Life?” made me laugh out loud. 🙂
zoe (and the beatles) responded on 25 Jan 2012 at 2:49 pm #
i meant to tell you you looked great in your dress on THIS response. heh.
anyway, i oscillate between “I LOOK SO HOT!” to “I NEED TO LOSE TWENTY POUNDS” on a near daily basis. confidence is so tragically short lived. it’s romance with me is so romeo and juliet. i rarely feel comfortable now but sometimes i think it’s just because i am wearing uncomfortable clothes. i don’t know. i do know though that i am really, really over denying and disliking the curves of my body. they are there, they are not going anywhere, and it’s an energy zap to hate them as much as i do sometimes (almost all the time).
Rebecca responded on 26 Jan 2012 at 8:16 pm #
You look like a young Sophia Loren–
for serious!
T.K. responded on 26 Jan 2012 at 8:56 pm #
Kate,
Your body looks so sexy in those pictures, but even more so you look absolutely adorable. It’s your Kateness.
I bought the same dress today. It’s amazing. I am thinking about buying the rabbit cardigan as well.
Eat the Damn Cake » the media did it! responded on 09 Feb 2012 at 12:25 pm #
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Princess Sophia responded on 19 Feb 2012 at 9:07 pm #
Kate, you make me want to be healthy.
Happy.
Whole.
Thank you for sharing your essence and your beauty. You are an inspiration.
Eat the Damn Cake » nice to meet you, rebel body responded on 01 Mar 2012 at 1:00 pm #
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Celynne responded on 12 Mar 2012 at 8:55 am #
Yay! That’s SO great! And you look absolutely amazing, so gorgeous and beautiful and confident. I’m so happy you were able to feel this way about your body 😀
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Eat the Damn Cake » the chunky/gorgeous woman on the subway responded on 20 Mar 2012 at 1:56 pm #
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